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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Missbean View Post
    Hey all thanks for your comments, but the ex has agreed to the points as an informal agreement- then changed his mind- then changed it back- now I want to trot off to a lawyer and make it legal.

    The ex is in the army, so he wants something flexible. I'd rather a system where he can drop by whenever it suits him to play with her, then take off again with minimal disruption to our family. He doesn't want any care of her, content with the playing part. He doesn't normally want to make any decisions about her.

    Currently he's supposed to see her Thursdays, but didn't show up to his last one despite asking that day for more time with her. Huh? I would rather him say when he comes because its easier than thinking he will come every Thursday, and sometimes he does, sometimes he doesnt.

    I'm moving from Darwin to rural nsw. So she wouldn't be able to travel to see him. Since he DOESN'T want to care for her, just play, that's why he is travelling to us, not the other way around. She's two and a half.

    He also is eligible for two paid for flights anywhere he wants, plus some accommodation. So that is why he pays for flights, because he doesn't he just wants to pay less child support which I'm ok with, so long as my daughter can move.

    He doesn't care about calls and communications. So leaving those options out because at 2.5 what can I say? She doesn't care much for Skype or phone calls. Perhaps I should add he can call whenever he wants, within reason.

    The wording and all are just drafts and ideas. Some are based off a friends expiriences with her ex, and I'm trying to stop the same problem happening. Ie he takes her every Christmas, he doesn't tell her when her daughter is returning and blocks her calls.

    He doesnt mind me having full legal rights or whatever over her. Like I said, he as long as he can play with her and take lots of photos to show her off, and have all his facebook friends think he's awesome: he's happy. Well, happy 96% of the time.
    I think there are three major points that you are missing;

    1. Court or Consent orders aren't just a one or two year period, they span until the child is 18 years old. So for example, while your 2 and a half year old isnt much for a chat right now, one day she will be and you guys have no fall back provision.

    2. Even though they are by consent they still have to be approved by a judge and if the judge doesnt see it as being in the best interests of the child they wont go through,

    3. If you are moving these past a parenting plan into consent orders, they have to be witnessed by a JP at the least. They will tell your ex to seek legal advice, any decent legal advice will tell him not to sign that. If he doesn't seek legal advice but you and your lawyer don't stress to him over and over numerous times to seek legal advice then he may have recourse to have them changed in the future anyway.

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  3. #22
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    Lmao lmf. Not every family is like yours.

    This man does nothing to see his child other than argue than not show up. He is the one making himself more like a distant uncle.

    To expect that all child support stop because he's a tryhard is detrimental to the child and nothing else.

    It seems as though with one hard your saying, here, absolve him of everything. No need to pay child support, visit, support etc. step away from the child. You can choose that as the father since you don't have say...

    Then on the other hand you're saying the op is taking advantage of his niceness and removing his rights etc...

    Not every family is the same. Assess based on circumstance not your history.

    Op, i see why. And i agree that you need to formalise something, but what I'd suggest is to create a document that has terms that you would agree too I'd he did want more involvement. This is for your and your daughters protection. Make it something that could be reasonable in the future if he had a new girlfriend and they wanted to play family.
    Once that is in place, you treat the arrangement as it is at current. You overlook him not coming, calling etc. you don't tell your daughter about the agreement. You just carry on as normal. But by having maximum terms of what is acceptable court approved, you're protected in case he wants to swing to the other extreme

    Spent from my dome. Excuse autocorrect
    Last edited by Izy; 07-12-2012 at 22:40.

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  5. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maia View Post

    3. If you are moving these past a parenting plan into consent orders, they have to be witnessed by a JP at the least. They will tell your ex to seek legal advice, any decent legal advice will tell him not to sign that. If he doesn't seek legal advice but you and your lawyer don't stress to him over and over numerous times to seek legal advice then he may have recourse to have them changed in the future anyway.
    Yes, this.
    He will be highly recommended to seek legal advice. Legal advice would advise him against signing something like this, they would tell him what he's entitled to and recommend he suggests to you something a little more fair.

    If he doesn't get legal advice, the courts would possibly not pass something like this. It's just far too one-sided.

    Good luck OP.

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  7. #24
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    When you get the forms for Consent Orders if I remember rightly there is a bit you need to sign to say that you have had legal advice or your lawyer signs. You can waive your right to legal advice but it has a blurb you need to read to acknowledge that it is not in your best interests to sign consent orders without legal advice.

    If a judge refuses to sign your consent orders as they are not in the best interests you will be back at mediation and letters between lawyers. Better to get that bit over and done with prior to putting something so one sided before a judge.

    The court looks at the child's best interests not the parents.

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  9. #25
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    Default suggestions for a parenting plan? Dealing with an on/ off ex? Help and suggestions

    Like I've said. He doesn't WANT to parent her. He doesn't WANT her to sleep over. He doesn't CARE to parent her. He likes playing with her for an hour or two every now and again, and showing her off to his mates when they have parties and there will be girls there. I've GIVEN and OFFERED him these choices because originally, I wanted it to be 50/ 50, but he didn't care for it.

    So please stop telling me they are unfair and a court would not agree. Because he's agreed to these conditions twice and they are HIS idea, some of them.

    I want to make this legally binding and I just want to know if there is anything else I should put in?

    We have gone mediation, and this is what we agreed last year, except for less child support and he was to pay for medical. He was happy with it. Since he was happy with it I thought we were on the same page. So I moved interstate. Once I moved, I had been gone three months, at uni, found somewhere to live, settled in: he changed his mind. Nothing signed, so since I couldnt move back, my daughter had to live with her grandparents. He said he didn't want our original agreement anymore, despite not even remembering what was on it and loosing his copy. So I showed him mine but he still didn't want it. Then he kept going out bush for the rest of the year so we couldn't sort this out.

    Now he's all ok for her to move so he can pay less child support. (Honestly, I wouldn't mind none if that is what it takes.) And while he's happy for her to move, I want to get this signed as a binding order, so he can't change his mind and screw us around some more.

    He's not nice. Don't confuse indifference for kindness. He's agreed, twice, that I can change her name and signed the forms. But now he's saying he won't go to bdm with id to finialize the paperwork unless he can have dd all day today. Not saturday and Sunday morning, like I offered (because she needs to come home for a nap) he wants her TODAY. Even though he didn't bother to show up or let us know he wasn't coming yesterday to see her. even though I explained today was her Christmas concert, she's been practising all week for it, and I don't want to haul her out of childcare and make her miss out. Also, all day isn't a good idea because she needs to rest and nap. Hence why I offered two mornings instead. But now he won't let me change her name.
    And that's a small example of why I just want to make sure I've limited his ability to screw us around. Because in reality, if he gives me two weeks notice of his plans I can accommodate them. I don't know how else to word it. I want willow to know her father, I'm happy for him to visit, but I don't want to say he can see her the first weekend of every month, then spend that weekend waiting for him to show up. I don't want her to be disappointed and hurt.

    Sent from my HTC Incredible S using BubHub

  10. #26
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    Default suggestions for a parenting plan? Dealing with an on/ off ex? Help and suggestions

    Hun, we get that he probably doesn't want to have her overnight etc but the point is that just because you and he want that, doesn't mean a court will approve it.

    You want these orders legally binding but at the end of the day, a magistrate may not sign off on it and we're trying to prepare you for that.

    Most of us that have replied here have actually been through this so we know what happens with the legal side, some more than others.

  11. #27
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    Default suggestions for a parenting plan? Dealing with an on/ off ex? Help and suggestions

    The thing is, your daughter is only 2. She may want to know her father as she grows and she has a right to do so. He may even take more of an interest as she gets older. As the last pp said, many if us have been through it. I have, twice. For my dd and with DH for his kids. What you have set out is very unlikely to be approved by a magistrate as it is not equitable and not in the best interests if your child as it does not make provision for regular and meaningful contact. That's all anyone is trying to say. Your ex sounds like a pita but unless he's seriously abusive and neglectful a court will likely not give you full parental responsibility. You both need proper legal advise on how this works.

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  13. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by HugsBunny View Post
    Hun, we get that he probably doesn't want to have her overnight etc but the point is that just because you and he want that, doesn't mean a court will approve it.

    You want these orders legally binding but at the end of the day, a magistrate may not sign off on it and we're trying to prepare you for that.

    Most of us that have replied here have actually been through this so we know what happens with the legal side, some more than others.
    I agree completely with this!

    To get your parenting plan to have any legal ground you need it changed into Orders by Consent. This is done by submitting forms and the Minutes of Consent to the court.

    A federal magistrate or judge (usually magistrate if they are orders by consent) then has to read the orders and determine whether or not they are in the best interests of the child. They are then stamped by the magistrate and are then legally enforceable. If the magistrate disagrees the request will be sent back to you and you will have to go through the process again. If the magistrate does not agree the orders won't be legally binding.

    10s of thousands of dollars later I can tell you it is better to get it right the first time! He can always fight the orders after 2 years anyway just so you are aware if he changes his mind.

    The wording you have used in what you want is not at all similar to consent order hence everyone has recommended you get some legal advice.

    Consent orders are very specific but usually have a "or by mutual consent, or as agreed by the parties". Read some example orders on the Federal Magistrates website so you can get the wording right.
    Last edited by PomPoms; 07-12-2012 at 11:21.

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  15. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Missbean View Post
    Like I've said. He doesn't WANT to parent her. He doesn't WANT her to sleep over. He doesn't CARE to parent her. He likes playing with her for an hour or two every now and again, and showing her off to his mates when they have parties and there will be girls there. I've GIVEN and OFFERED him these choices because originally, I wanted it to be 50/ 50, but he didn't care for it.

    So please stop telling me they are unfair and a court would not agree. Because he's agreed to these conditions twice and they are HIS idea, some of them.

    I want to make this legally binding and I just want to know if there is anything else I should put in?

    We have gone mediation, and this is what we agreed last year, except for less child support and he was to pay for medical. He was happy with it. Since he was happy with it I thought we were on the same page. So I moved interstate. Once I moved, I had been gone three months, at uni, found somewhere to live, settled in: he changed his mind. Nothing signed, so since I couldnt move back, my daughter had to live with her grandparents. He said he didn't want our original agreement anymore, despite not even remembering what was on it and loosing his copy. So I showed him mine but he still didn't want it. Then he kept going out bush for the rest of the year so we couldn't sort this out.

    Now he's all ok for her to move so he can pay less child support. (Honestly, I wouldn't mind none if that is what it takes.) And while he's happy for her to move, I want to get this signed as a binding order, so he can't change his mind and screw us around some more.

    He's not nice. Don't confuse indifference for kindness. He's agreed, twice, that I can change her name and signed the forms. But now he's saying he won't go to bdm with id to finialize the paperwork unless he can have dd all day today. Not saturday and Sunday morning, like I offered (because she needs to come home for a nap) he wants her TODAY. Even though he didn't bother to show up or let us know he wasn't coming yesterday to see her. even though I explained today was her Christmas concert, she's been practising all week for it, and I don't want to haul her out of childcare and make her miss out. Also, all day isn't a good idea because she needs to rest and nap. Hence why I offered two mornings instead. But now he won't let me change her name.
    And that's a small example of why I just want to make sure I've limited his ability to screw us around. Because in reality, if he gives me two weeks notice of his plans I can accommodate them. I don't know how else to word it. I want willow to know her father, I'm happy for him to visit, but I don't want to say he can see her the first weekend of every month, then spend that weekend waiting for him to show up. I don't want her to be disappointed and hurt.

    Sent from my HTC Incredible S using BubHub
    Sounds like he doesnt know what he wants, he thinks something is a good idea then doesnt. More reason to get help with this for both of you so nothing gets messed up later.

    I do wish you luck and hope it works out well for willow. I still think its unreasonable but if he agrees then thats his choice just make sure he understands what all these rules mean so he cant come back and say he didnt know what he was signing.

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    Just because he does not wish to exercise his joint parental responsibility does that therefore equate to he should have it removed all together..?

    By all means attempt to get what you have through, just be prepared that this might not pan out how you envisage. Particularly since in the scheme of things you haven't covered much.
    Last edited by Maia; 07-12-2012 at 16:50.


 

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