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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marepoppin View Post
    I don't think the intention behind most of these points are unreasonable CMF, but they need to be reviewed and modified by a family law solicitor. It's good that OP knows what she wants for her family and is able to articulate it and has put a lot of effort in. She just needs to go that extra step now
    IF he wants to be involved in his daughters life and IF he has been seeing her on a regular basis, there is NO way that a court will approve-
    -"full custody" (pretty much impossible these days)
    -mother making all parenting decisions
    -father being the only one to travel, especially if the mother is the one moving away
    -Christmas and birthdays being spent only with the mother (they will likely alternate)
    -full legal rights? Nuh-uh.
    -who W spends time with when with her father? None of the mothers concern. Trust me I tried very hard with this one regarding my own children, even when some of the people I was concerned about had a criminal record. As long as there are no safety concerns between father and child, there is nothing you can do about other people being around.
    - As for the 'in case of the mothers death' one, you need to write a will, but at the end of the day if the father has been active in the child's life, he can contest the will anyway.

    Good luck OP but if the father decided he wants involvement, I think you are going to need to review your wishes and change them to more realistic ones.

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  3. #12
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    Default suggestions for a parenting plan? Dealing with an on/ off ex? Help and suggestions

    Those orders are really wishy washy, orders need to be clear and concise. Children have a right to know both parents and have stability and continuity.

    Something like 'the father will spend time with the child between 4pm and 6pm every Wednesday. Any additional time shall be agreed upon between the parties.'

    I agree, you won't get full parental rights and responsibilities if he's still seeing her.

    Please start the mediation process to sort this out. Go to relationships australia website to get your nearest centre.
    Last edited by HugsBunny; 06-12-2012 at 21:40.

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  5. #13
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    We had an interstate arrangement for a while. The person who moves is responsible for the cost of maintaining a relationship between the children and the other parent.
    Last edited by PomPoms; 07-12-2012 at 09:11.

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    Default suggestions for a parenting plan? Dealing with an on/ off ex? Help and suggestions

    I have put my response under each point..


    [mother has full custody of Willow. Willow will reside with mother seven nights a week, throughout the year.

    "Full custody" is no longer a term used in the family court system.

    [Willow gets to move to NSW, or where ever her mother lives.

    This is iffy... Even if you get permission to go to NSW, you may need to return to court in later years to move again unless it is either closer to the ex or you two can make new visitation arrangements.

    [father to respect mother's parenting wishes.

    Unless you get "day to day care", this won't be the case.

    [father will come to see her, so long as it doesn’t interfere with her normal day to day family life, not Willow to travel to see him.

    Sorry but this one you won't get past a judge. Even in my case with 460km between us it was always halfway travel each - now DS flies and we pay one way, he pays the other. That is the normal expectancy from the courts - and you need to be seen to be encouraging your DD to have a relationship with her Dad.

    [In recognition of the added expense, instead of paying $570 a month in child support, father will pay $470 monthly, and mother will pay for all medical costs. This gives allows him an $1,200 towards flights to see her and hotel accommodation.

    See above. Halfway or half expenses paid is the normal judgement.

    [father should endeavor to give at least two weeks notice of any plans to visit Willow, or any changes in those plans.

    The court will want and expect a more set out, consistent and fair visitation schedule than this. Depending on the distance between you it could range from fortnightly to monthly or school holidays (unsure how old your DD is). My ex and I had to have set days and times for him to see DS.

    [father can see Willow when he is able to.

    This would fall under "any other time as agreed by the parties"

    [Willow to spend Christmas and birthdays with her maternal side of the family.

    Sorry but you won't get this either. Either shared or alternate would be your options. I have year on, year off for DS.

    [mother has full legal rights/ parenting responsibilities in regards to Willow, ie over her name, religion, schooling, extra circular activities etc.

    Sorry but you would probably get "equal parental responsibility" which means he gets a say in ALL those things and the two of you MUST agree. The law views that the father has just as much responsibility as the mother, and unless he seriously messes up, equal is what you'll get.

    [Should mother pass away before Willow is 18 years old, her parents, automatically became her legal guardians, with full legal rights over Willow.

    This would have to be in a will, and he could contest it. I am not even sure this would be put into court orders?

    [mother and father will be upfront about who else will be spending time with Willow, ie, live in partners, or friends father brings along on visits to Willow.

    Sorry but what he does with his private life and who he chooses to have in it are not something you can control.. Again unless someone he has around Willow abuses her very badly then courts will just laugh at this.

    DP and I just want to have Willow with us already, and parent her already, and forget about that pesky guy who pops up every now and again and makes our life difficult. We don't mind him visiting

    I am sorry but that is a fantasy. He has every legal right to visit, be part of her life, have input in her upbringing, and anything else you wish he couldn't. It may seem unfair, but at the end of the day he is your DD's father and legally you cannot take that away from him or her just because he is pesky or annoying in your eyes. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but its true. I hate that my ex who physically abused me for two years and mentally for 7 has such a big role in DS' life and henceforth a big impact on my life still & that I have to encourage DS to have a relationship with him... But the law recognises the rights of both parents, and look favourably on those who put their own thoughts and feelings aside and focus on the child's best interests.

    My advice? Go see a lawyer. And Family Relationship Centre/Families Australia or whoever is a licensed mediator within your state. There is much more that would need to be included in the orders: phone/Skype contact, him being allowed to access her school/medical/etc reports, contacting each other in emergencies, etc etc etc.

    As for the adoption, name change etc again the ex would have to agree and sign all the paperwork, and if he didn't then you'd have to go to court.

    Good luck

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  8. #15
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    That doesnt seem to me like a parenting plan that seems like he has very little rights and you have pretty much all rights to do with the child what you want. Have you talked to him about letting your partner adopt her? I think your being pretty unreasonable with those.

    We don't mind him visiting, but I don't want to have to consult him over things to do with Willow.
    This is part of parenting, when we have children with people we then have to deal with those people for 18 years.

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    You need to get some legal advice and set up your plan to give willow an opportunity to know her biological father.

    In any case, he'll probably never show up so you'll be right anyway
    You will need to give him some rights though

    Spent from my dome. Excuse autocorrect

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    Default suggestions for a parenting plan? Dealing with an on/ off ex? Help and suggestions

    Quote Originally Posted by CMF View Post
    Wowwwww sorry but you have NO chance of getting most of those points if he decides to fight it. Many of these points are totally unreasonable!
    This ^^

    Its not about what the parent wants/needs - the court order is based around the rights of the child. The child has a right to spend equal time with both parents and courts focus on this.

    I would definitely be contacting a solicitor. Not sure where you are located but there is a free womens legal service in brisbane every Thursday night. My sister volunteers there. It's free - it would be worth your while as these points you have listed will not even make it through the door.

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    Default suggestions for a parenting plan? Dealing with an on/ off ex? Help and suggestions

    Hey all thanks for your comments, but the ex has agreed to the points as an informal agreement- then changed his mind- then changed it back- now I want to trot off to a lawyer and make it legal.

    The ex is in the army, so he wants something flexible. I'd rather a system where he can drop by whenever it suits him to play with her, then take off again with minimal disruption to our family. He doesn't want any care of her, content with the playing part. He doesn't normally want to make any decisions about her.

    Currently he's supposed to see her Thursdays, but didn't show up to his last one despite asking that day for more time with her. Huh? I would rather him say when he comes because its easier than thinking he will come every Thursday, and sometimes he does, sometimes he doesnt.

    I'm moving from Darwin to rural nsw. So she wouldn't be able to travel to see him. Since he DOESN'T want to care for her, just play, that's why he is travelling to us, not the other way around. She's two and a half.

    He also is eligible for two paid for flights anywhere he wants, plus some accommodation. So that is why he pays for flights, because he doesn't he just wants to pay less child support which I'm ok with, so long as my daughter can move.

    He doesn't care about calls and communications. So leaving those options out because at 2.5 what can I say? She doesn't care much for Skype or phone calls. Perhaps I should add he can call whenever he wants, within reason.

    The wording and all are just drafts and ideas. Some are based off a friends expiriences with her ex, and I'm trying to stop the same problem happening. Ie he takes her every Christmas, he doesn't tell her when her daughter is returning and blocks her calls.

    He doesnt mind me having full legal rights or whatever over her. Like I said, he as long as he can play with her and take lots of photos to show her off, and have all his facebook friends think he's awesome: he's happy. Well, happy 96% of the time.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Missbean View Post
    Hey all thanks for your comments, but the ex has agreed to the points as an informal agreement- then changed his mind- then changed it back- now I want to trot off to a lawyer and make it legal.

    The ex is in the army, so he wants something flexible. I'd rather a system where he can drop by whenever it suits him to play with her, then take off again with minimal disruption to our family. He doesn't want any care of her, content with the playing part. He doesn't normally want to make any decisions about her.

    Currently he's supposed to see her Thursdays, but didn't show up to his last one despite asking that day for more time with her. Huh? I would rather him say when he comes because its easier than thinking he will come every Thursday, and sometimes he does, sometimes he doesnt.

    I'm moving from Darwin to rural nsw. So she wouldn't be able to travel to see him. Since he DOESN'T want to care for her, just play, that's why he is travelling to us, not the other way around. She's two and a half.

    He also is eligible for two paid for flights anywhere he wants, plus some accommodation. So that is why he pays for flights, because he doesn't he just wants to pay less child support which I'm ok with, so long as my daughter can move.

    He doesn't care about calls and communications. So leaving those options out because at 2.5 what can I say? She doesn't care much for Skype or phone calls. Perhaps I should add he can call whenever he wants, within reason.

    The wording and all are just drafts and ideas. Some are based off a friends expiriences with her ex, and I'm trying to stop the same problem happening. Ie he takes her every Christmas, he doesn't tell her when her daughter is returning and blocks her calls.

    He doesnt mind me having full legal rights or whatever over her. Like I said, he as long as he can play with her and take lots of photos to show her off, and have all his facebook friends think he's awesome: he's happy. Well, happy 96% of the time.
    Why dont you two go to mediation? I think that if he agrees to those terms and signs it he doesnt fully understand what he is doing. He is basically setting himself up to be hurt and have absolutely no say in his daughters life. Being in the military does have its down falls but you seem to be exploiting his niceness.

    If he signs this does he fully understand what he is signing?

    What if he gets another partner and they too want to make a family with your daughter? I hope for the sake of your daughter and him this doesnt fly too far. Intentional or not this all sounds shady.

    You say you rather he be able to drop by when he wants but in the papers you say he has to give you notice and can basically can only drop by when it suits you.

    father will come to see her, so long as it doesn’t interfere with her normal day to day family life, not Willow to travel to see him.
    father should endeavor to give at least two weeks notice of any plans to visit Willow, or any changes in those plans.
    So he is giving up a ton for you and your wants and you state you want
    mother has full legal rights/ parenting responsibilities in regards to Willow, ie over her name, religion, schooling, extra circular activities etc.
    So why not take all financial responsibility for her too since you are essentially just making him more of a distant uncle than a father.

    He doesnt mind me having full legal rights or whatever over her. Like I said, he as long as he can play with her and take lots of photos to show her off, and have all his facebook friends think he's awesome: he's happy. Well, happy 96% of the time.
    This may change in time, she is still young you never know how they might bond but you know they wont bond as well if you make it almost impossible for him to help parent her.

    I'm moving from Darwin to rural nsw. So she wouldn't be able to travel to see him. Since he DOESN'T want to care for her, just play, that's why he is travelling to us, not the other way around. She's two and a half.
    He is caring for her to an extent he pays child support that is a form of care, also have you offered to have her spend the night with him? With all these rules you are placing on him he wont be able to care for her.

    You cant simply have a child with someone then think that you have more rights than the other parent or the child.
    Last edited by Lovemyfam; 07-12-2012 at 01:49.

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    Unfortunately what's "best for the child" is often overruled by "what's fair for the parents", and often their bad bahviour is not taken into account- everyone deserves a second chance except in most cases- the children. I think you'd have big problems getting that one through court- pretty much, the only way to achieve what your hoping for would be for the father to sign away his legal parental rights.

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