I'm putting together a parenting plan that I'll get turned into a legal document sooner, rather than later. I just want to know what points I should consider? A lot of this the ex has agreed to last year.... then half way through the year, he changed his mind and didn't want his daughter to move interstate. Now he's fine with it again, as well as the name change... although as we speak, he's trying to get time with DD tomorrow as a "reward" for letting me change her name. (Why? I don't know. But it's her Christmas party at childcare tomorrow, and she's been rehearsing all week for it. I think he likes to feel powerful.)
As things are now, he's supposed to see her once a week for an hour on Thursday afternoons. But sometimes he will come very early, or not at all. Sometimes he will come on another afternoon. he doesn't call, ever.
Because he changed his mind after I moved- I was halfway through my first semester at uni, and just signed a lease agreement, I couldn't move back. So my daughter has lived with her grandparents this year. They don't want to rock the boat, so they don't say anything when he's late, or drops in another day. And, whatevs, it's not a big deal, I just wish he'd tell us.
He doesn't have much to do with his daughter, at all. Normally he drops in, plays with her, and goes off again. When I'm around, he tries to get more time with her, for longer periods, outside of my parents house, which none of us like. In the past he has accidentally hurt our daughter by swinging her upside down by her legs constantly, before she was a year old. He refused to listen to anyone who said she was too young to be swung like that. He doesn't understand why I don't want him taking her swimming at 2pm. He doesn't understand when my daughter has had enough of rough play.
He doesn't spend much time with her, although he like to show her off. It bothers me, to be honest, that he only ever wants to take her somewhere when he can show her off to his mates and their girlfriends. I think he likes to keep up the illusion that he's a loving dedicated father. He'll drop in for a few minutes, take photos of him and his daughter playing together, then go off again. Then I'll see the photos all over facebook of "LOOK HOW MUCH I LOVE MY SUPER CUTE DAUGHTER."
So what I want. I want to move to NSW with my daughter. I'm getting it signed this time, so he can't change his mind and screw us over. I have a new partner, who is wonderful with our daughter. life is good, we are happy, yada yada yada. In the perfect world, I wish the ex would conveniently drop down dead... but anyways, since that's not going to happen. I just want the peace for DD and DP and I to be together, without him coming along and throwing muck in our faces. I don't hate the ex, I just wish he would stop seizing any power he has, then discarding it and wandering off. he's like a toddler, honestly. He has admitted to me that sometimes, he does stuff just to be a ****.
Like I said before, most of this is stuff he's agreed to, but then changed his mind on. Now he's changed it back. Just wondering if there's anything else I should throw in to ensure smooth running? Does anyone else have an ex like this? What do you do when he's on a power trip? I try to wait it out, but sometimes, I don't have the time to wait. I just want to go home to DP, with my daughter, and for the three of us to live under the same roof already...
(I changed out our names to mother and father. So it reads a bit weirdly, sorry.)
- mother has full custody of Willow. Willow will reside with mother seven nights a week, throughout the year.
- Willow gets to move to NSW, or where ever her mother lives.
- father to respect mother's parenting wishes.
- father will come to see her, so long as it doesn’t interfere with her normal day to day family life, not Willow to travel to see him.
- In recognition of the added expense, instead of paying $570 a month in child support, father will pay $470 monthly, and mother will pay for all medical costs. This gives allows him an $1,200 towards flights to see her and hotel accommodation.*
- father should endeavor to give at least two weeks notice of any plans to visit Willow, or any changes in those plans.
- father can see Willow when he is able to.
- Willow to spend Christmas and birthdays with her maternal side of the family.
- mother has full legal rights/ parenting responsibilities in regards to Willow, ie over her name, religion, schooling, extra circular activities etc.
- Should mother pass away before Willow is 18 years old, her parents, automatically became her legal guardians, with full legal rights over Willow.
- mother and father will be upfront about who else will be spending time with Willow, ie, live in partners, or friends father brings along on visits to Willow.
Does it sound like it could provide us with some smooth sailing? DP and I just want to have Willow with us already, and parent her already, and forget about that pesky guy who pops up every now and again and makes our life difficult. We don't mind him visiting, but I don't want to have to consult him over things to do with Willow. He doesn't have any input/ doesn't really care so long as he has a cute daughter to show off every now and again.
(This is actually a bribe for the move. As soon as I suggested less money he was all over the idea like a rash. DP doesn't care, and feels like once we are married, Willow should become his daughter, ie, take his last name, her father should cease child support, and he should have legal rights over her, not her father. I believe for that to happen, he would have to adopt her, wouldn't he? And her father would have to sign away his rights as a father? Does anyone know? DP and I aren't getting married yet, but it would be good to know.)
Sorry this is long. But I haven't done this before. So advice, any advice, would be lovely.