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  1. #11
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    Last edited by intruderalert1234; 10-12-2012 at 22:08.

  2. #12
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    My kids were 6yr DD, 4 yr DD and 1 and a half yr DS.

    They took it well except the 6 year old. For the first few months they pretty much lived with him and I would come over visit and take them to my place for visits. Sometimes the 6 year old didnt want to go so I left her. Once he had somewhere to go so she had to go and she screamed all night that she wanted her dad. They were best friends he walked her to school everyday and they were always together.

    Once he found his own place because I couldnt afford both our rent anymore they saw less and less of him and they were ok with it. When my daughter was about 12 she came to me and said I understand why dad doesnt see us he has a new family and we have ours and its ok we are all happy. I think she is finally over him because my husband is a wonderful father and she calls him Dad and we have a nice little family.

    I think it depends on the bond they have before the split.

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  4. #13
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    Good luck.

    DD's father was in the army, so everytime she saw someone in uniform, she'd be all "daddy?" This is while we lived together, so...

    He left when she was around 18 months. She never seemed too bothered by it, as he'd been pretty much persona non grata her whole life. She asks after him, but she asks after my friends as well, even ones she hasn't seen for six months. She asks after the cat we had, that he gave away. She's now two and a half, so... yeah. Long memory that girl has. It's normally when something triggers it, ie, she asked after our cat last week, when we visited our neighbor. Our cat was often there too, and she walked straight in and asked where the cat was.

    I try to be honest-ish with her. I mean, I say the cat has a new home, like we have a new home. Which is nicer then saying 'Daddy gave away our cat, because he's a douche, sweetie. That's why you never see him."

    I think she'll be more upset after our latest move and she doesn't see my parents any more. She knows we're going to move to live with M, the DP. She knows him and asks 'Why doesn't he visit us? Will paw paw and grandpa come?" She's been asking to go to mummy's house for a while now. So... we will see how she settles.

    Good luck.

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  6. #14
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    Default Re: For those who left when their children were younger

    Del
    Last edited by intruderalert1234; 10-12-2012 at 22:09.

  7. #15
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    Default Re: For those who left when their children were younger

    Del
    Last edited by intruderalert1234; 10-12-2012 at 22:09.

  8. #16
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    DD was asking about her daddy earlier tonight, actually. It was her Christmas concert, so I guess seeing other dads there was why she asked when she was home? he was also supposed to visit yesterday, but didn't.

    Such a little thing. And yet it makes me want to kill him.
    Seriously.
    Maybe not kill. But a kicking, resulting in him being in a coma, would be nice.

    Sometimes, I wish he would go on deployment and get himself blown up. I'd rather tell DD that her father is a hero who died for her country then tell her... what? Daddy can't be bothered? Daddy's picking up men and/or women?

    I know this sounds bitter and angry. We've been apart for over a year now. I don't care for him myself. I feel indifference towards him, honestly. But it messes with my mind sometimes that no matter how much I love her, she can still be hurt by him. I don't like that, at all. I don't want her to feel like she's not worthy of being adored by all of those around her. There are so many more people in her life who love her so much, who are so much more involved... and yet she notices he is not there.

    I don't know if this resentment towards him will ever go away, but it's become a lot less. It's a lot more manageable now. Sometimes I even forget he exists, and life is good. It's good to not have him in my life.

    I've been in a new relationship for a year and it's wonderful. SO DAMN GOOD TO BE PROPERLY LOVED.
    On a random note, I asked my daughter if she would like two dads, and she said no.
    How about two mummies? I asked.
    "No. I want FIVE mummies!" Willow answered. (Five being her highest number.)

    So... does that mean I'm so awesome she wants more of me? And none of him? :P

  9. #17
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    Default Re: For those who left when their children were younger

    Definitely a reflection of your awesomeness!

    Spent from my dome. Excuse autocorrect

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  11. #18
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    Default For those who left when their children were younger

    Although I don't have kids yet, I wanted to give the perspective of a child who has been through this. I was 8 when my father left and moved overseas, while I was very close with him, I just remember being relieved as he had a terrible temper and was always shouting and smacking, parents always fighting. So as much as I loved him, I actually preferred for him to not live with us as our home was so much more peaceful without him. I then didn't hear from him for 2 years, which broke my heart at first, but I adapted. When he sorted himself out he came back into my life after those 2 years and we repaired our relationship. I'm now 31 and my dad is one of my closest friends

    My brother also split with his ex when my nephew was 2, and he is a very happy and well adjusted kid. He can't ever remember mummy and daddy being together. My brother now has a daughter with his current gf and my nephew (now 7yo) absolutely loves her and dotes on his little sister, they are so close, it's just adorable.

    Just wanted to let you know that there are some happy stories out there too. Kids are adaptable, forgiving and amazing in their capacity to understand.

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  13. #19
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    Last edited by intruderalert1234; 10-12-2012 at 22:09.

  14. #20
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    Well DS only lived with me from the start so no problems there - lives seeing daddy but I'm the 'parent' so to speak.

    Myself, mum and dad split when I was 4 and my brother was 5. My brother was totally fine I think but I remember being sad and crying in bed at night. I think it depends on the child tbh - some kids are more sensitive and need a little extra tlc.

    i was 18 when mum and my step-dad split and I couldn't have been happier about it. I was utterly fed up with all the fighting and spent all my time at my boyfriends house instead of studying for my HSC.
    Last edited by Baracuda; 09-12-2012 at 08:48.


 

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