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  1. #1
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    Default For those who left when their children were younger

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    Last edited by intruderalert1234; 10-12-2012 at 22:10.

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    Default Re: For those who left when their children were younger

    I think the more matter of fact you are with really really young kids the better.

    Offer the emotional support etc if the show signs of distress, but kind of like when they fall over, don't make a huge fuss unless they need you to.

    In saying that mine was younger and I'm not certain how much he missed his daddy at all. He struggled more with my ex boyfriend, but i just kept saying "hey hey is on his boat" or working etc and offered we can visit him on xyz date

    Spent from my dome. Excuse autocorrect

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    intruderalert1234  (06-12-2012)

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    Default Re: For those who left when their children were younger

    Thanks
    Bumping for the night crew.

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    HugsBunny is offline Once upon a time there was a bunny.........
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    Default For those who left when their children were younger

    My XH was never around even when we were together so once we split and he had them every second weekend, the kids loved it!! They were 6&2.

    Kids are very adaptable.

    ETA my oldest had more trouble with it than my youngest did.

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    We started off by doing morning and night phone calls every day, but gradually weaned off it so that DD knows she can call when she wants to, but she doesn't have to.

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    intruderalert1234  (06-12-2012)

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    DD was about 2 3/4 when her father and I split. She was 3.5 when he moved overseas.

    It was hard at first. She wasn't too bothered with us not living together - he worked long hours, so while she'd mention him, she wasn't too worried. A couple of months into it though, she started crying, asking why she didn't get to see her Daddy, why he didn't see her more often, etc. It just made me angry and stabby. I felt violent. How dare he treat MY baby like that?!

    IT got worse when he moved away and had another baby. She'd cry, "But why did he have another baby? He had me!" I don't think it would have bothered her so much if he actually still saw her, but obviously living overseas (because he's a selfish jerk) that didn't happen.

    I ALWAYS made it easy for him. He could have her as often or whenever he damn well pleased. He could call her whenever he wanted. I made sure that he was able to access her, I wanted them to have a relationship.

    He just slacked off in that department though, until he just stopped calling and sending presents too. She hasn't heard from him at all in over 2 years... no calls, no birthday/Christmas cards, no child support. He has absolutely nothing to do with her.

    I'm sure from time to time she thinks about it, but I think she's mostly realised he's a selfish jerk and that it's a waste of her time to worry too much. I'm lucky that I've got DP, who has now been in her life than her own father ever was. He pretty much IS her father, in all but blood. So I'm sure that helps... she's got her father figure.

    I expect it'll get harder as she gets older and can understand everything a bit better, or just has time to think about it and self-loathe as teenagers tend to... and then I'll be organising counselling to help get her through it. Maybe even for me, so I can be helped (in regards to how I can help her).

    Good luck. You're doing the right thing. Even if he cries. Even if it breaks your heart to see him cry. He will thank you in years to come, and so will his future partner. If you stayed, he'd learn that THAT is how women deserve to be treated. They don't... so it's wonderful you'll make sure that isn't a message he'll accept as truth.

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    Default For those who left when their children were younger

    My DD was 15 months when I left her dad, it was hard at first but not in the sense of her asking for him as he prettying ignored her (part of why I left) so by leaving he actually developed a relationship with his DD.

    For 12 months he would have her for an hour each Saturday, gradually increasing until at 2 1/2 she had her first over night and by 3 stayed every second weekend.

    Now at 9 having two houses, spending set times with daddy (was fortnightly, then he vanished for 6 months so now no overnight) and doesn't remember anything of what it was like as a family.

    I definitely agree the younger the better as they just grow used to it.

    Good luck.

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    DD was 2.5 when her Dad moved out. She took it in her stride really. He'd been away on an overseas holiday prior to that and his routine was quite unpredictable, so there wasn't this sudden loss or anything, he was just around less than before. Honestly, I think the younger the better, if it's inevitable.

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    Thanks girls, Im pretty sure he will notice, he notices if he wakes and his dad isnt home or at bed time,
    He is starting to realise though, if his dad is getting ready to go he asked the other day are you going dad? are you going with your friends?

    I just dont know how quickly he will get over it, if it upsets him deeply its going to make me so sad,
    Ive been told they adjust very quickly at this age

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    relationships australia might have some suggestions or some books that might help later on...

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