I'm a bit of a mess today and it's only just past 6am. First of all, I got up and did my weights and measurements. I've "gained" 500grams since Saturday and weighed in at 79.9kgs. Not back in the 80s, thankfully but disheartening nonetheless. Worse still, I had zero movement in the tape measure. I'm not sure what more I can do, I'm not eating crap and I'm exercising 1hr and 23 mins a day. Every day except my rest day. That being said, I know that I have to just keep going and the results will come even if it doesn't happen in the timeframe I'd like it to. I can't pretend that it isn't frustrating and upsetting, though.
That being said, that's not the problem. The problem is that this morning I didn't do my workout. Officially my first one skipped. It wasn't because I was sad about my measurements, that would only have spurred me on but it was because I have too much going on in my brain this morning. I put on Ripped and as I was going through the warm up, I started thinking about everything then by the time I was halfway through the second song I slowed down and then just stood staring numbly at the screen for awhile. Eventually I just turned the television off and went to get ready for work. I don't feel too terrible about missing my workout though it does bother me that I let my situation effect me so much that I skipped my first workout. As long as it doesn't become a habit, that'll really be a problem.
I'm really glad that I'm seeing the counsellor today, I need to get my head sorted out because at the moment I'm barely functioning. After I skipped my workout, I stood numbly in the shower for awhile and forgot to wash my face cleanser off before I got out. I've been trying to figure out if the "old me" would handle everything differently and I suppose she would but I can't be sure anymore. I think she would've stuffed her face with crap food to feel better and missing a workout wouldn't have been an issue because there wouldn't have been a workout to miss.
My only consolation is that I'm starting an aerial silks course tonight with my friend and that's a crazy arm workout. I did half of the course in September before having to give up the rest because it clashed with my holiday. After the first lesson, I couldn't lift my arms for two days!
Anyway, here's hoping that today's counselling session can give me some kind of help to sort through what's going on in my head. I'm hopeful that it will.