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  1. #11
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    Default How to include family in birth without being in the birth room?

    I wouldn't even consider having anyone apart from DH there.

  2. #12
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    honestly its up to you.

    would DH be happy if you included her more through out the pregnancy?? what i mean is that ask her to take you to appointments occasionally.... go shopping together for baby things etc.

    due to DP having to work a lot I decided early on to alternate between his mum and mine to take along to appointments (as i haven't wanted to go by myself lol) and its been working well... both want to be in the waiting room which i'm fine with and they have both been told not to come into the birthing room unless asked to by DP.

  3. #13
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nowhere View Post
    Seriously you are giving the a grandchild what more do theywant they do not need to be included you are giving birth not performing, it is for you and your DH or who ever you pick as your birth partner its not about his mum or sister or you mum or cousins aunt etc etc.

    People seem to think that when you are having a babythat you are suddenly family property your not.

    good luck xxx
    Totally agree, birth is NOT a party trick!!

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    Default Re: How to include family in birth without being in the birth room?

    Could she mind your first dd instead? Then she is helping you out but doesn't have to be in the room.

    I would never ask my mum or DP's mum to come in no matter how much I like them it's not a spectator sport.

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  6. #15
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    Default How to include family in birth without being in the birth room?

    Quote Originally Posted by tadpoles View Post
    Could she mind your first dd instead? Then she is helping you out but doesn't have to be in the room.

    I would never ask my mum or DP's mum to come in no matter how much I like them it's not a spectator sport.
    This. Minding DD would be a big help and she can still be involved without being there. Then she can bring DD to meet new baby and then be the first visitor.

    It's about what you are comfortable with, not your DH. If he feels he needs some support, fine. But she doesn't have to be in the room if you don't want her there. Having a baby is a private thing in my opinion. Not an event you go to!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nowhere View Post
    Seriously you are giving the a grandchild what more do theywant they do not need to be included you are giving birth not performing, it is for you and your DH or who ever you pick as your birth partner its not about his mum or sister or you mum or cousins aunt etc etc.

    People seem to think that when you are having a babythat you are suddenly family property your not.

    good luck xxx
    All of this!! My dh wouldn't dare say to have his family there I only dh mum last time. It's a special time for you and your partner, if you want them there then do it but if you don't just say NO

    nobody will know I'm in labour, they will know my babies are here when we let them. FIL lost his crap at us with dd because I didn't tell him I was in labour, none of his business! Everyone knew we were doing ivf, knew she was a girl. Give me something, my vagina you don't get to dictate jack when it comes to me producing babies.

  8. #17
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    Birth is NOT a spectator event. The most important thing is that you feel totally comfortable and at ease - it can make a massive difference to the labour and birth. What if you want to strip naked and labour under the shower? Would you feel comfortable doing that with your MIL? What about if you poo or vomit during labour (all very common experiences), do you really want MIL there? How will she react if you need to scream and swear?

    Just because a woman is having a baby doesn't mean that her dignity is up for grabs.

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    Default Re: How to include family in birth without being in the birth room?

    It's not that we don't agree with you all but I'm not seeing any ideas for other ways they can be involved. One lady has suggested getting MIL to have other child. Can anyone think of other ways as I can only send ds to one set of in-laws.

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    Would your DH invite your mother in to witness him having a testicle and prostate examination? No, didn't think so. You are as exposed or moreso while you are giving birth. If you are not close to someone, you will feel inhibited and uncomfortable and that is not conducive to a good birthing experience.

    When I was pregnant, the mere thought of my MIL trying to come into the birth suite made me feel anxious and I'm sure my (ordinarily low) blood pressure went through the roof just contemplating it.

    I was with my sister when she was in labour and her MIL just wandered in to visit. My sister was butt naked, alternating between the toilet and the birth ball and I could see her tense up when her MIL walking in, and relax when she left. I only wish I had advocated better for her.

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    Default How to include family in birth without being in the birth room?

    Quote Originally Posted by DueInAugust View Post
    It's not that we don't agree with you all but I'm not seeing any ideas for other ways they can be involved. One lady has suggested getting MIL to have other child. Can anyone think of other ways as I can only send ds to one set of in-laws.

    Sent from my LG-P500 using BubHub
    Why do they have to be 'involved' at all?

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