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  1. #31
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    Default What would you do in my situation!?

    Quote Originally Posted by MissMuppet View Post
    Only 4 weeks into the relationship and they're not using condoms as well? I hope they had std tests before doing away with the condoms. I'd be reminding my friend that stds are on the increase for a start...

    And then I'd be warning her about the risks involved in deceitfully getting a pregnant to someone she doesn't know very well. What if instead of disappearing and leaving her to raise the child alone he goes for joint custody and then turns out to have opposite values to her? What if he smacks, and yells, and believes in a host of things she doesn't? She may feel okay about going it alone, but how will she cope with co parenting?

    And what if she did things a different way: say, decided to talk to him, see how he feels about kids, and it turns out he's clucky and wants kids in 6 months or so? How good could it be if she talked to him, discussed their ideas about raising kids, and then made a joint decision? How much better would that feel?

    If all that failed I'd have a hard time staying friends with her and keeping quiet. She's being hugely irresponsible.
    You raise some great points!

    OP, maybe bring up some of these points to your friend.

    It's all good and well to say she will look after the baby in her own, but the reality is that she could have to do a 50/50 type arrangement. It happens.

    For me, I don't think I could stay friends with someone that was that deceitful. If she's willing to dupe someone into having a baby, then I'd wonder if we were morally compatible at all. I just find the whole thing really disgusting.

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  3. #32
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    So you ring him up and tell him.
    She tells him you are a liar, you are jealous, you are trying to break them up etc.
    He believes her they stay together and turn on you.
    Thats the short story I'm sure IRL it will be filled with much more drama.

    Stay well out of it for your own sake. This wont end well.

  4. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Janesmum123 View Post
    So you ring him up and tell him.
    She tells him you are a liar, you are jealous, you are trying to break them up etc.
    He believes her they stay together and turn on you.
    Thats the short story I'm sure IRL it will be filled with much more drama.

    Stay well out of it for your own sake. This wont end well.
    Nah, nit a chance. Telling this to any guy who didn't want kids would definitely put the wind up him. It wouldn't matter who told him, ir what his girlfriend said to try and convince him otherwise. He'd either call it off or start wearing 2 condoms. And my money would be with breaking it off, which is exactly what he should do.

  5. #34
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    I think they are both being irresponsible, not using condoms with someone you've been seeing for 4 weeks? Come on!! It's not 1985, people should know way better! I know some couples who have been married for 10 years and they still double up with contraception, these two are a disaster waiting to happen imo.

    As for her 'plan' well that's just appalling.

  6. #35
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    Default Re: What would you do in my situation!?

    Sorry but I agree with everything WineTime and zombiekitty has said here and find your friend quite appalling.. I would tell her it's a terrible plan and I would tell him as I think it's his human right to know what shes planning.. regardless of how silly he might also be.

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    Quote Originally Posted by WineTime View Post
    You know, I have NEVER in my life said this. But I think this deserves it.

    They really need to start issuing licences for people who want to have kids. This chick has got some appalling judgement and it's very obvious that parenting should not be added to her resume at this stage.
    Theres nothing wrong with wanting a baby and 'using' a guy to get one at all IMO - if a woman goes out and has a one night stand with some intention if getting pregnant and no intention if involving him then so be it - he's an idiot for not fail-safing his protection. 'I thought she was on the pill' is not a good enough reason and every individual is responsible for their own contraception.

    the issue I have with this is that your friend OP, has NO idea of the ramifications for this. From someone who split with my ex during IVF, it's extremely difficult - and we're on amicable terms! Life will be all that more difficult for her if he turns on her!! Direct her to some of the single (or not even) parent threads on this forum!

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  9. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baracuda View Post
    Theres nothing wrong with wanting a baby and 'using' a guy to get one at all IMO - if a woman goes out and has a one night stand with some intention if getting pregnant and no intention if involving him then so be it - he's an idiot for not fail-safing his protection. 'I thought she was on the pill' is not a good enough reason and every individual is responsible for their own contraception.
    He doesn't "think she's on the pill". She's telling him she's on the pull, then choosing to go off it and not tell him with the sole purpose of using him to get pregnant.

    Its deceitful and wrong, and if you think what the OPs friend is doing is okay, then you're wrong too.

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  11. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by WineTime View Post
    He doesn't "think she's on the pill". She's telling him she's on the pull, then choosing to go off it and not tell him with the sole purpose of using him to get pregnant.

    Its deceitful and wrong, and if you think what the OPs friend is doing is okay, then you're wrong too.
    so? People lie! Hello, I refuse to believe guys are that stupid! I still stand by my point. Guys are responsible for their own fertility just as women are.

    OP - for the record I don't think your friend is an awful evil witch. Lots if women want babies and start to feel desperate approaching 30.... I just think she seriously hasn't thought this through that's all.

    PS. Wine Time - pffft, I'm a modern, liberated woman. I refuse to treat men like idiots. Lying to get pregnant is the oldest trick in the book!
    Last edited by Baracuda; 03-12-2012 at 17:09.

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  13. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baracuda View Post
    Theres nothing wrong with wanting a baby and 'using' a guy to get one at all IMO - if a woman goes out and has a one night stand with some intention if getting pregnant and no intention if involving him then so be it - he's an idiot for not fail-safing his protection. 'I thought she was on the pill' is not a good enough reason and every individual is responsible for their own contraception.

    the issue I have with this is that your friend OP, has NO idea of the ramifications for this. From someone who split with my ex during IVF, it's extremely difficult - and we're on amicable terms! Life will be all that more difficult for her if he turns on her!! Direct her to some of the single (or not even) parent threads on this forum!
    How would you feel I the man we are discussing was your son/ brother/ dad?

    I think the fact that she has discussed it with you OP, shows she knows it's wrong on some level. Maybe she wants o be talked out of it or told she's young enough to do it a different way?....maybe I'm just wishful thinking at the state of humanity!

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    Quote Originally Posted by darla87 View Post
    How would you feel I the man we are discussing was your son/ brother/ dad?
    the man involved was my ex - who had a bout of depression during our IVF and slept with another woman which resulted in a pregnancy - he had two babies in the dpace of 7 months. It was also my brother - I warned him, but he didn't listen and she hit pregnant too. They are both responsible for it, even though it sucks. But they were both so stupid!! Other people suffer too.

    ETA - in both cases the guys were told by the women that they were on the pill.
    Last edited by Baracuda; 03-12-2012 at 17:29.


 

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