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  1. #111
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    Default What would you do in my situation!?

    If this were one of my sons being treated this way, I would be devastated. This man has the right to choose who he has a child with and with any luck that will be part of a loving family, not brought about via deceit. This is the type if slag I hope my boys never meet.

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    Default What would you do in my situation!?

    I must say it does out this in a new light when I imagine it being my son

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  4. #113
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    Default Re: What would you do in my situation!?

    I haven't read ALL the replies - but a fair few - I just wanted to say if it were MY friend I'd suggest she does it right, she doesn't want a relationship with this man? Fine, she should look at her options with a donor, known or through a bank, or maybe this guy will be interested and happy to *donate* if there's a way to release him from financial obligation to the child.

    If my friend says she does want a relationship with him though I'd tell her she's an idiot and needs to get back on the pill.

    Sent from my GT-I9300 using BubHub

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  6. #114
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    I'd tell the guy because I personally wouldn't want to be friends with someone that I knew was deliberately doing that crap.

    If she really wants to be pregnant then she needs to disuss it with him first, if he's not keen she can get donor sperm.

  7. #115
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    <sigh> I don't believe anyone said what this girl plans to do is absoltely fine! my points were that its NOT cool, but it happens, a LOT! Someone in this thread admitted doing it. My points were that men need to wise up to it. I've had a very active and varied sex life and trust me, men who don't want babies use condoms! So I tend to think men who don't really care that much either don't use condoms or don't think about it. In the case of my brother, he didn't really care his ex did this - he was happy about the pregnancy and loves his son more than life itself. In the case of my ex, he himself was the first to admit how completely stupid he had been. He didn't blame the other woman - he took equal share of the responsibility - I am not so forgiving of either of them as it destroyed my life at the time.

    I know a guy who had a girlfriend from overseas - she ended up moving here permanently, but then took off back home one day out of the blue. I asked him if perhaps she was pregnant and he should follow up with her, but he just shrugged it off. I took it he didn't really care either way.

    Its all good and well to slag off women/men who do things like this, but I'm sorry I find both parties culpable in some way because it is so avoidable. Ow and guess what? Good people do shocking things all the time. That's how they get away with it. It's nothing new, they're just not usually that honest about it!

    thats all I have to say - I find it frustrating to continuously argue points against people who don't grasp them, or even worse, shoot me down for having a more open-minded view of the situation.

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  9. #116
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    Quote Originally Posted by halloweendee View Post
    okay, i've read all the posts....

    and one sentence -

    IF THIS WAS YOUR BROTHER, WHAT WOULD YOU DO??
    Exactly! I wish I had known and I would definitely have warned my brother. Once his ex had what she wanted she left the state. Although what she did is disgusting, there is a beautiful 7 year old boy in the mix and I wouldn't take him back for the world .. none of my family would.

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  11. #117
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    This commentary by Sam de Brito below rather describes what happened to me, and why I kept my unplanned baby when I was 34. I think you need to strike a balance between working out what a bloke wants in the long term and giving them an ultimatum. I should have gone with the ultimatum much earlier, but 4 weeks is too soon. I think the important thing here is to ask her why she thinks she isn't worth making a commitment to? Most of us think the other way round, and believe our commitment phobic partners are just taking their time. Why have a baby with somebody who ultimately doesn't think you are good enough to be the mother of his child?

    "If you accept the somewhat unromantic, determinist idea that we're actually only here to reproduce our DNA, these guys are literally the death of your bloodline.They're the human equivalent of the morning-after pill because while you're with them, you're actually ensuring you will never become a parent and experience what is quite possibly the greatest thing that can happen to you - staring into your child's eyes.
    This is how it breaks down. You meet this guy when you're 27, you think it's on forever and ever, amen. Maybe, early in the piece, he thinks the same way, but at some point you become his backstop, his insurance policy, and if someone ''better'' comes along he is goooone."


    Read more: http://www.theage.com.au/opinion/soc...#ixzz2E1cleXL9

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  13. #118
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    Default What would you do in my situation!?

    It's never OK to try to force a pregnancy one someone. Whether its someone poking holes in condoms, a woman "forgetting" to take the pill or a guy claiming to be infertile.

    Would I tell him? Don't know. Would I tell her what I thought of her actions? Most definitely. Would I stay friends with someone who thought that level of deceit and betrayal was ok? Not on your nelly.

    I think they are both stupid for not using condoms in such an early relationship without getting STD checks. But does that mean she has the right to dupe him? Nope. I think what she is planning is disgusting and would not hold back on my feelings.

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  15. #119
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Quote Originally Posted by halloweendee View Post
    okay, i've read all the posts....

    and one sentence -

    IF THIS WAS YOUR BROTHER, WHAT WOULD YOU DO??
    If I knew I would tell him.

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  17. #120
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baracuda View Post
    <sigh> I don't believe anyone said what this girl plans to do is absoltely fine! my points were that its NOT cool, but it happens, a LOT! Someone in this thread admitted doing it. My points were that men need to wise up to it. I've had a very active and varied sex life and trust me, men who don't want babies use condoms! So I tend to think men who don't really care that much either don't use condoms or don't think about it. In the case of my brother, he didn't really care his ex did this - he was happy about the pregnancy and loves his son more than life itself. In the case of my ex, he himself was the first to admit how completely stupid he had been. He didn't blame the other woman - he took equal share of the responsibility - I am not so forgiving of either of them as it destroyed my life at the time.

    I know a guy who had a girlfriend from overseas - she ended up moving here permanently, but then took off back home one day out of the blue. I asked him if perhaps she was pregnant and he should follow up with her, but he just shrugged it off. I took it he didn't really care either way.

    Its all good and well to slag off women/men who do things like this, but I'm sorry I find both parties culpable in some way because it is so avoidable. Ow and guess what? Good people do shocking things all the time. That's how they get away with it. It's nothing new, they're just not usually that honest about it!

    thats all I have to say - I find it frustrating to continuously argue points against people who don't grasp them, or even worse, shoot me down for having a more open-minded view of the situation.

    I understood your point. And I agree. But what if the person doesnt want a baby but understands that a form of contraception is being used thus reducing the chance of pregnancy and goes in with this knowledge....but then has the rug pulled from under them when the chance is heightened by deceit. That's not fair...one needs to be able to go in with all the facts.


 

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