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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kiplusthree View Post
    I find it interesting that having discussions with someone else about dirty dreams then flirting with them, someone hes had an affair with already in the past, saying hi beautiful etc (as an amalgimation rather than a single act) all in secret and only known by OP because she found themon his ph etc, is not seen as emotionally cheating? Not having a go just I would feel very differently is all. I'm surprised I'm the only one here who thinks that..

    I consider cheating as anything affectionate/sexual (physical or not) you wouldn't do with your partner in the room... Do you see her together or does he only see her/speak with her alone? Would he say hi beautiful or discuss dirty dreams with her and flirt if you were standing right there? If the answer is no then to me that is cheating.. but of course everyone can choose to what boundaries/lines they will accept in their own relationships.. Communication is definitely key whether you regard his behaviours as cheating or not so I think its important you outline to him what upsets you, what is ok and what is not. If he is a good partner he will respect your feelings and those boundaries. I think if it is seriously bothering you still you should go to counselling together ...

    My point was that you shouldnt be made to feel paranoid or crazy in this. because you have every right to feel threatened and personally I can see why you are! Sorry if my original post seemed harsh I was just trying to outline how I would feel in that situation if I were you and let you know imo youre not crazy and what hes done isnt right or ok to me.

    Sent from my GT-I9100 using BubHub
    Very good point actually!!! I forgot about that point. If they do treat somebody in a way that they wouldn't do in front of you...then yes it's emotionally cheating. (as the intent is to hide). I also wouldn't wave off your feelings on this as part of depression...that's actually quite dismissive. You may be depressed but you also have good reason for feeling the way you do given his intimacy with a woman he had an affair with.

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  3. #22
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    Default what is WRONG with me?? and what do I do?

    Quote Originally Posted by Deserama View Post
    Very good point actually!!! I forgot about that point. If they do treat somebody in a way that they wouldn't do in front of you...then yes it's emotionally cheating. (as the intent is to hide). I also wouldn't wave off your feelings on this as part of depression...that's actually quite dismissive. You may be depressed but you also have good reason for feeling the way you do given his intimacy with a woman he had an affair with.
    I just was to reply to you des as I was a poster who said the OP may have depression. I just want to clarify that I in no way was trying to be dismissive of your feelings!! I was never trying to say "oh your feeling paranoid, you must be depressed"
    I was staying to see a GP due to your feelings since giving birth, I always think that it is best to speak to your GP if your having depressive thoughts purely because I know how quickly you can sink with depression.

  4. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by waterlily View Post
    I just was to reply to you des as I was a poster who said the OP may have depression. I just want to clarify that I in no way was trying to be dismissive of your feelings!! I was never trying to say "oh your feeling paranoid, you must be depressed"
    I was staying to see a GP due to your feelings since giving birth, I always think that it is best to speak to your GP if your having depressive thoughts purely because I know how quickly you can sink with depression.
    As long as she doesn't dismiss her feelings in the process. Having depression during this doesn't help matters....doesn't help one cope very well, but I don't want her to dismiss her own feelings on this and think "Oh I must be depressed that's why I'm paranoid". I believe she's paranoid because #1 he's being intimate with another woman and one that he's had an affair with. and #2 because she knows he's capable of cheating...or being with someone who is cheating therefore party to cheating with little or no respect for marriage. Must play on one's mind a fair bit and more so when one is going through something signigicant in their lives.

  5. #24
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    Default what is WRONG with me?? and what do I do?

    Oh absolutely! I completely agree.

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    Default what is WRONG with me?? and what do I do?

    I don't think it sounds like he is cheating either but I'd be more concerned it could cross over into an emotional affair, which in my opinion is more worrying than just a sexual fling with someone you don't even know. Both are bad of course but it is near impossible to change feelings once they develop.

    Of course it is probably nothing but if he has cheated before and knows how insecure you are feeling at the moment it just seems a bit insensitive of him.
    I don't think he should necessarily give her up but maybe if you tell him how it makes you feel he could at least curb it a bit. He sounds really caring and like he loves you a lot, so I'm sure just thinking about how it makes you feel before he says things to her wouldn't be too much to ask

  7. #26
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    Default what is WRONG with me?? and what do I do?

    Oh and I agree with above posters who said that you should go and see a doctor if you think you are depressed. But that also doesn't mean you have to automatically dismiss every feeling you have as being "depressed" or "paranoid". I had depression and often wondered the same thing, if my depression/anxiety making me feel threatened for no reason. But I think it was actually the other way around... I was feeling threatened for good reason and so it made me feel anxious and depressed.

    But in saying that I have also had depression that did change my feelings and made me very irrational for no good reason. But I think in your case you do have a good reason to feel the way you do.

  8. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by chameleon View Post
    Oh and I agree with above posters who said that you should go and see a doctor if you think you are depressed. But that also doesn't mean you have to automatically dismiss every feeling you have as being "depressed" or "paranoid". I had depression and often wondered the same thing, if my depression/anxiety making me feel threatened for no reason. But I think it was actually the other way around... I was feeling threatened for good reason and so it made me feel anxious and depressed.

    But in saying that I have also had depression that did change my feelings and made me very irrational for no good reason. But I think in your case you do have a good reason to feel the way you do.

    Good point. It can be a case of what came first the chicken or the egg.

  9. #28
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    Default what is WRONG with me?? and what do I do?

    OP, I would go and speak to a psychologist. In a couple of sessions, you'd be able to understand what is the real issue behind your mood swings and how to work on them.

    I have had similar issues - I would react in a different way that I would myself find completely silly and not logical.
    My psychologist helped me understood what was going on and how to get my mind, heart and body in the same happy place

    IMO I think you feel insecure with the relationship your DP has with this woman (and that's fair enough).
    Anytime you feel tired/stressed out/hormonal, jealousy or tantrums will rear their ugly heads and make you feel miserable
    First you need to look at what you really feel about your DH relationship with this lady. Then you need to take steps to help you feel better overall (healthy eating, exercising, good sleeping patterns, socializing with friends, new interests, etc). All this as an impact on you feel about yourself and in return on how you feel about others.

    Good luck with everything, it wont take much to feel better trust me xxxx


 

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