Im sorry, this reads very disjointed and I am not sure if I am after advise or just a vent but if anyone can help me, please do so.. lol.
ok so DP and I have been together not too long, bit less than 2 years. We have a new baby (4 wks old) and I have a 2.5 yo and he has an older child (not living with us)
When DP and I met and started dating he was sort of seeing an attached lady, a friend of his. Known her and been friends for years. He thought he was in love with her and would have done anything for her. I knew she would never leave her partner.. she was simply having an affair. Anyway, he and I fell in love and he told her he had met me and moved on. They remainded friends. And I was cool with that. Fast forward a few months, we bought a house together and were (are) very much in love. Talking about having a baby. We got pregnant straight away. Both of us so excited. I had a hard pregnancy, my dad passed while I was pregnant and I felt depressed. I knew he was still friends with *her* and everytime a txt msg beeped on his phone I would be paranoid it was her. One time I asked him if he still had feelings for her and he said he would always care about her and they were friends but he was with me and wouldnt be with me if he didnt want to be with me! (I probably should add that my ex husband cheated on me and this really impacted me with future relationships)
So over my pregnancy things were good, he told me he loved me all the time, he would adore and spend time with my son (who calls him dad and thinks of him as dad) but I would still get paranoid.. and my paranoia would always turn out to be nothing. I snooped on his fb once and said he told her he had had a dirty dream about her once and there was some harmless flirting and I think I am ok with that but this depression/paranoid thing brings me down. So I had our baby, he was there with me, he cried when he was born and gave me some beautiful jewerelly, things were great. I checked his phone just after the birth and *she* had texted him saying congrats, enjoy it all, you and *insert my name* look so happy- and this cemented what he always says, that she is happy for him and us both. So I was happy, but then, the hormones/depression started kicking in with me and I started feeling down about my baby weight and my dad passing etc etc.. The other week I read his phone (I know, stupid) and he called her beautiful in a txt.. like "Hi Beautiful, have a great trip" as she was going away. It made me really upset as I was already feeling really hormonal and down (depressed?) but I couldn't confront him.
I think at the heart of it, I know he would never cheat- he knows my history and hates my ex for what he did to me. We really have a great relationship and typing this has made me actually realise that.. I think the issue is my paranoia and depression.. Like, he kisses me goodnight everynight and says I love you.. sometimes during the day I txt him, love u babe and if he doesnt txt me back straight away.. i get upset! Crazy right? I hate feeling like this! I dont know what to do. Are we having relationship issues or is this just depression eating away at me? Do I actually have depression? sometimes, I am so happy and then I have an off day (like today) where no housework gets down and I have cried all morning thinking he loves this other woman and is secretly planning to leave me.. what is wrong with me?? I am NOT an insecure woman!