This is what my husband said to me as he watched me do my Ripped workout this morning and he was right. A part of the change that I've made, though, is that I work out now even if I don't want to just because it's what I do.
Before I go on with this blog because this is going to get confusing I'm sure, I need to tell you that a family member recently confided in me that she found it. If I had a Facebook, I would've certainly linked this to all my family and friends but since I don't, I've felt free to write about anything and everything. I'm fine with her reading this (*waves to T if she is*) but it was a reminder to me of how easily this blog can be found.
Anyway, in general right now, I'm pretty happy with where I'm at. I'm feeling fit and healthy, I'm gaining my confidence back and I'm okay with not being pregnant for the first time in a long time. In fact, there's just one situation that's causing any trouble in my life.
I'm so sorry because I'm going to talk in circles now. I have to get out the way that I'm feeling but I can't talk about this situation. In fact, part of my frustration is that there are only two people in the world that I can talk to openly about this and one of those people isn't speaking to me right now so I can't really vent and I'm keeping it all bottled up inside which is painful.
I feel...heartbroken. Whenever I think about this situation, I find myself on the verge of tears. I'm having a terrible time sleeping because I keep waking and thinking about it. I've decided today to contact the work Employee Assistance Program and organise a counseling session so I can talk through it.
I suppose in a sense, this is also a big change for me. Even when I was depressed after the miscarriage and people kept repeatedly telling me to seek counseling, I resisted. I pushed through because I couldn't accept my own weakness but I no longer want to wallow in my problems, not when everything else in my life is going so well. I need to get this situation sorted in my mind before it drives me insane.
The one thing I'm proud of is that I haven't let this derail what I'm doing. The old me would've gone running for the comfort food at the slightest hint of confliction. So even thought this is tearing me apart inside on a daily basis, I'm coping far, far better than I would have before this challenge and I guess that's a good thing.