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  1. #21
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    Default Re: Leaving it too late

    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I say all the time that I will have a baby when we are ready financially. Truth is, DP is too damn sensible he'd never agree to a baby if it means we are financially stressed. So.... I'm not 'allowed'...and it hurts, physically, every single day. I think if a friend told me to just have one I would burst into tears and do the ugly cry lol.
    this is why I'm so reluctant to say anything, even when i *think* I know the full story. So many people have to put on a brave face and give a flippant reason, I'm sure many people also make excuses like 'one more holiday' when they know their relationship may not be great, etc.
    It's just so sad, I don't want my friends to be sad I want them to have everything they want.

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    Default Leaving it too late

    I wouldn't say anything mainly just because who are you to tell someone when they should have kids? As pp said they may not tell you everything ( my SIL had 5 Years of IVF as she found out at 24 she had problems but no one knew that until she had the twins at 29)
    They should have them when they are ready and only they will know when that is and hopefully they are aware of the risks , it's great you are concerned but just be careful as they could take offense ( even though you mean well!)

    I was married at 30 and had no desire to have kids but got immense peer pressure from his side of the family to get pregnant, I stupidly went off the pill and thank the lord I never fell pregnant as we split up a year later, I met DH at 35, married at 38 and had DS at 39 ( fell pregnant naturally after first month of the pill) which was the perfect time for me, I could not in a million years imagine myself at 25, or 30 or even 35 having a baby as I just don't think I was ready, so yes it may horrify some people but I am a very happy and healthy 41 year old gladly running around after my 2 year old and wouldn't have it any other way!

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    When my friends in their mid-late 30's say they're not sure they're ready, I reply "oh babe, you can never be ready for kids. Get cracking!!"

    Seriously though, it's really up to others when they have kids... There's definite positives to waiting until older but there's also negatives. Personally I don't think the child will suffer either way due to the age of the parent. For me, it's a physical thing... My body suffered! And I just don't have the energy I used to!

    If they're too old to have kids well then nature will prob take care of that - IVF won't make it happen.

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  6. #24
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    Default Leaving it too late

    My sister has just turned 30 and is living the party life. I just don't understand it. I'm early 20s and am going to be a mum and establishing a career around that. It terrifies me but what terrifies me more is the thought of never getting to have children or having to go through the heartache of losses and the financial and emotional strain of IVF.

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    I was told at the age of 25 that if I didn't try for a baby within a year I would probably never be able to have one at all. Luckily DD's dad was willing and exactly one year after that news (to the day!) DD was born.

    When it came down to the choice of having a baby before I was ready vs never getting to be a mum at all, I chose the former. As I'm sure most of us would. I consider myself really lucky that I got the warning I did.

  8. #26
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    My brother turned 31 this year and he only moved in with his first serious girlfriend this year who is in her early 20s. Neither have plans for kids anytime soon. It is a very different life choice than the ones I have made but I would never tell him to hurry up....not seriously anyway. He will when he is ready.

    Also, my dad dated a 40yr old woman who had no children and planned on never having any. She used to say that it was slightly strange seeing the relationship my brother and I have with him, as she will never understand what that feels like.

    I guess some people just choose other paths...we all need to live with the consequences of our choices so I wouldnt try convince others to take such a massive step like having children...its something they need to come to on their own and for their own reasons.

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    Default Re: Leaving it too late

    In my social circle,the average age of the female having their first child was 34.Most are now having their 2nd child at 39.

    I would be highly offended if someone pointed out to me my age and chances of fertility. There are numerous reasons why people wait, eg I for one never wanted kids in my 20's and I was more than happy to wait until my 30's.



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    DH and I are both 35, and we just decided this year to start TTC. We wanted to spend our 20s and early 30s having great experiences, travelling, building careers and enjoying our youth. Now we're ready, we feel like we're more rounded people because of our experiences and will be able to be better parents than if we had had children in our 20s.

    I have some friends and relatives who had children much younger, and I wouldn't trade places with them. They've missed out on travelling the world, their careers have had to be put on hold at critical times, and they don't have the financial stability and ease that we do. I would never say so to them, though, because it's their life, their choice, they're happy with the choices they've made, and it's frankly none of my business.

    In return, they no doubt think that we've missed out on the joys of having children, that we've potentially left it too late. But again, they'd never say so to us, because it's our life, our choice, and we're happy with the experiences we've had. (And on the rare occasions that someone has started to tell me how superior their life is to mine and that I'm running out of time, I've left them with the clear understanding that it is none of their business!)

    When it comes down to it, different people want different things at different stages of life. What might be right for you now, may not be right for them. I think you should have faith that your friends know what they want for themselves, and let them be. When they're ready, they'll know.
    Last edited by Gentoo; 01-12-2012 at 15:39.

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    I understand you are just concerned but at the end of the day they are adults and will make the choices that are right for them. This is something I would never discuss with people, there are always too many unknown variables and I wouldn't want to upset anyone.

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    Default Leaving it too late

    We've been trying for our second since 2008 but I truly don't believe I had that clock ticking, aching need until this year. Coincidently I just turned 30. The difference in my desire now is so different to anything I've felt before, there is no way that you can feel it until you are truly ready.


 

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