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  1. #11
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    I agree OP, I'm almost 34 and trying for our 3 and last. I always said I'd be done by 30 but a difficult DS and infertility has stopped that happening. Now I am so worried my chances are dropping by the day and I regret not trying earlier.

    having said that, I wouldn't say anything to them. It's their life and their choice, and as others have said, everyone knows fertility drops at 35.

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    Default Re: Leaving it too late

    If you truly want to say something, casually bring up babies and then say something along the lines of you have heard of so many people lately that are leaving it until later in life to have children and are having trouble falling. Then leave it at that. It will get them thinking about it without you actually saying something that is aimed at them specifically.

  3. #13
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    Default Re: Leaving it too late

    The main thing I worry about for them is secondary infertility. They are all very smart people (not all female either, just BTW), but i know when i was thinking about having kids I was more thinking about when i would 'start' having kids, not about a whole timeline of having 2 or 3 kids, not really. It seems that 34-35 seems to be a magic number, as that seems to be lots of people's cut off point after which they 'know' it will become more difficult, but i have one friend that i know for certain wants at least 3, which means ttc #3 in her 40's- I honestly don't think she's thought of that.
    Conceiving DS was soooo easy, then #2 was a bit more tricky and I'm only 31. I never expected it to be hard with #2, I sort of assumed because it was easy the first time it would be easy again. And at 'only' 30, I was getting anxious at how long it could take.
    I don't know. Maybe because I was younger when i had my first, I didn't get the barrage of people telling me not to leave it too late, maybe people my age without kids are more aware of all tis stuff than I am.

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    I do agree FL, although I think having children when not ready can be as disasterous as leaving it too late. I really dont think they'd take your advice, although from a good placem kindly.

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    Default Leaving it too late

    There might be other issues which your friends want to keep private or they may just not be ready. When I was ttc we had difficulties and had just made an appointment with a fertility specialist. dh did not like discussing this so often we would just say we weren't ready financially. A friend of mine had good intentions saying that we shouldn't wait etc etc. I nodded but inside it was a little upsetting as we had been trying for a while unsuccessfully.
    Also I think most people are aware of the possible complications with pregnancy as women get older and with falling pregnant etc so you may not be telling them anything they didn't already know.
    Perhaps you could talk about why you chose to start your family earlier rather than directly telling them reasons why they shouldn't wait.
    Hope I have worded my response properly and haven't offended you because I can see you have good intentions.

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    It's funny you have posted this because 2 of my friends I saw just this last weekend, both pregnant and mid to late thirties told me I should be trying now for number 2 because of exactly what you're talking about. Both told me number 2 was much harder and longer for them.

    I agree with you and I think it's interesting the male perception on fertility. It prompted me to find this article I read a while ago in the age about male fertility issues. I have a couple of friends who have done IVF due to male fertility issues.

    http://www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/d...904-14v55.html

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    I would suggest not saying anything to them as TBH most of them probably won't listen.

    A destructive relationship throughout my 20's prevented falling pregnant when I may have been able to. Hitting 30 and only just meeting the one I want to be the father of my children. I would never have listened to well-meant advise from friends or family that I was leaving it too late. I am aware of my risks (thinking I'd never be able to do it). I am more than aware I'm quickly getting older. I'm now scared as all hell that I'm not going to be able to get there.

    But in the end if my life hadn't played out like it has, I wouldn't be with my DH in the first place.

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    Default Re: Leaving it too late

    Thanks everyone. I know I should keep my mouth shut, really I do and most of them know that this time has been tougher for me, so hopefully that will make some of them think twice about waiting till they do another European holiday, or buy a bigger house, etc.
    I was talking to a friend the other day who had said she wanted to start trying soon, but she and her husband have started up a business which they have an opportunity to expand and she wants to see how it all goes for a few years, then possibly take on employees and train them up and *then* start trying. Lots of them say things like this all the time, and are a bit conflicted about what they actually want to do. I don't ever bring it up in conversations, it's more when they say things like that I want to put my 2c in and say 'stuff the business, it's going fine as it is, have a baby!'

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    I know a two couples who decided to leave it to mid-30s to try for their first child and are now in their early-mid fourties still trying for number 1. They seem to have thought ~infertility won't happen to me~

  11. #20
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    I say all the time that I will have a baby when we are ready financially. Truth is, DP is too damn sensible he'd never agree to a baby if it means we are financially stressed. So.... I'm not 'allowed'...and it hurts, physically, every single day. I think if a friend told me to just have one I would burst into tears and do the ugly cry lol.


 

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