+ Reply to Thread
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 19 of 19
  1. #11
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    19,776
    Thanks
    5,212
    Thanked
    7,063
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by earthlyangelic View Post
    He's 5. Is it typically a hard age??? My boys have coasted through terrible 2s etc without too much drama but I know every little one is different ... ?
    5 is harder than two, two was easy for me (I have one boy). I guess that also depends on the child's temperament. Pretty sure boys have a testosterone surge at that age which can be a problem for some.

    The destroying of the toys, totally normal IMO - unless it's on purpose. I cannot think of one toy my 6 yo boy has that is completely intact lol. They're just heavy handed with toys, esp ones aimed at younger ages. I don't think it's very fair if he's breaking the other children's toys though (although I would imagine in a family situation most toys would be shared) - if it's your boy's special toys I'd have a rule that if he breaks them he has to make it up to them somehow - use his pocketmoney to replace it or something like that. BUT the rule has to be the same for all in the house, otherwise he will feel like an outsider or guest.

    As for his attitude toward you, in my opinon, your husband should be keeping on top of the way he treats you. My DS is from a previous relationship and, yep, his father teaches him nasty things about us - we even had the privilidge of having taunting/demeaning songs and nicknames made up just for us by his biological father lol. I tell you what, if my DS *ever* disrespected my partner, who does a heck of a lot more for him than his 'father' I would be "we do NOT speak like that to each other in this house". I just would. not. stand for it!!!

    Despite the ex being a poo, we don't actually have too many dramas. I know there can be a lot of excitement and confusion at that age swapping between houses - mine is a mess after a visit with his dad and takes a good day to calm down. I think consistent consequences and discipline at your house may help.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Gippsland
    Posts
    14,655
    Thanks
    1,208
    Thanked
    3,833
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts

    Default Step son HELP!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by earthlyangelic View Post
    He's 5. Is it typically a hard age??? My boys have coasted through terrible 2s etc without too much drama but I know every little one is different ... ?
    5 has been the most difficult age with DS by far. He's nearly 6 and improving over time but it's been hard. So with your step son it could be partly due to him feeling the stress of his situation, and partly his age and personality.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    25
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked
    1
    Reviews
    0

    Default Step son HELP!!!

    Thanks Benji that's really reassuring!!!

    Unfortunately there have been some expensive toys destroyed deliberately. Portable DVD player cords cut and screens wrecked etc

    I hope I don't sound horrible saying that I'm just relieved that I'm not alone dealing with these issues. I had romantic notions of having a beautiful relationship once we got to know each other. We aren't quite there yet though :/

  4. #14
    HugsBunny's Avatar
    HugsBunny is offline Once upon a time there was a bunny.........
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    6,603
    Thanks
    4,531
    Thanked
    1,966
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts

    Default Step son HELP!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by earthlyangelic View Post
    I know that he feels like he misses out on time with the little lady when he's at his Mum's. So when we have him we try to do family things and make it quality time over quantity of time. We really thought that would be enough
    Perhaps he also needs some one on one time with his dad? Even just the two of them going out for icecream or something.

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to HugsBunny For This Useful Post:

    Lovemyfam  (28-11-2012)

  6. #15
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    19,776
    Thanks
    5,212
    Thanked
    7,063
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    Don't give up on the thought of the beautiful relationship

    I know my DS went through a quick but stressful phase where he took out a lot of frustration on his step-mother (who btw is a wonderful, kind-hearted woman). I really don't think it was anything personal against her but the fact that he just wanted his dad to himself. It was short lived

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to Benji For This Useful Post:

    Lovemyfam  (28-11-2012)

  8. #16
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    NSW
    Posts
    1,932
    Thanks
    1,440
    Thanked
    585
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default Re: Step son HELP!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    5 is harder than two, two was easy for me (I have one boy). I guess that also depends on the child's temperament. Pretty sure boys have a testosterone surge at that age which can be a problem for some.

    The destroying of the toys, totally normal IMO - unless it's on purpose. I cannot think of one toy my 6 yo boy has that is completely intact lol. They're just heavy handed with toys, esp ones aimed at younger ages. I don't think it's very fair if he's breaking the other children's toys though (although I would imagine in a family situation most toys would be shared) - if it's your boy's special toys I'd have a rule that if he breaks them he has to make it up to them somehow - use his pocketmoney to replace it or something like that. BUT the rule has to be the same for all in the house, otherwise he will feel like an outsider or guest.

    As for his attitude toward you, in my opinon, your husband should be keeping on top of the way he treats you. My DS is from a previous relationship and, yep, his father teaches him nasty things about us - we even had the privilidge of having taunting/demeaning songs and nicknames made up just for us by his biological father lol. I tell you what, if my DS *ever* disrespected my partner, who does a heck of a lot more for him than his 'father' I would be "we do NOT speak like that to each other in this house". I just would. not. stand for it!!!

    Despite the ex being a poo, we don't actually have too many dramas. I know there can be a lot of excitement and confusion at that age swapping between houses - mine is a mess after a visit with his dad and takes a good day to calm down. I think consistent consequences and discipline at your house may help.
    I agree !!!

    My xh and I split when my ds was 4 1/2. He was a nightmare there for a while but has come good again now.

    my sister who is a teacher said little boys get a surge of testosterone around that age.

    I found setting firm boundaries but also being patient helped.

    I also think you should look into counselling, it helped my kids having an impartial adult to talk to.

    Hope things get better.

    Sent from my GT-I9100T using BubHub

  9. #17
    OJandMe's Avatar
    OJandMe is offline I am the strength my children will have.
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    10,123
    Thanks
    910
    Thanked
    1,165
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Kids are pretty quick to forgive. It sounds like to me that he feels unimportant and left out. Could you do things with him one on one? And your DH needs to do things with him one on one. In addition to doing things as a family.

    Boys do go through a testosterone surge at 4/5, but it can be managed.

    He's only little, he's only still a preschooler.... He might be feeling like his Dad has a new baby now, so hid Dad's not going to love him as much- and this could quite possibly be what is being said to him at his Mum's too.

    I've read a great books called Kids, Parents and Power Struggles and I've found it REALLY helpful in managing my extremely spirited at defiant boys.

    Good luck. *hugz* Just try and be positive, and create positive memories for him, Even make a scrapbook for him where he can put pictures and record the great things about his stays at his 'other home'.. then he can look through it (or you can show him) when he's losing it.

    Also, does he have his own space at your house? He might be feeling displaced if everyone else has their own rooms and spaces and he doesn't, considering he's not 2.5 anymore, he's 5 and they feel these things deeply.

  10. #18
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    NSW
    Posts
    1,548
    Thanks
    323
    Thanked
    713
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    His behaviour, though it is pretty bad is not that surprising all things considered. God alone knows what his mother is telling him and kids at that age are extremely impressionable. On top of that, new babies have the power to bring out the worst in some children especially if they are feeling insecure to begin with. First stop would be to sit down with your partner and work out some very definate rules and consequences that both of you will stick to like glue. The kid needs a lot of structure to let him know where he stands. It will make him feel more secure. Make sure the rules are the same for everybody though. Secondly, though it is tough, sometimes it is a good idea to deal with the follow through of the bad behaviour by yourself. If you call his dad in to do the discipline every time then he may get the idea that you cannot or will not follow through on your threats. He needs to know that in your house, you are the boss just as much as his dad is.

    On the nicer end of the scale, every time he does something good make sure you and your partner praise it. He needs to know that when he does try it is noticed and worth his while. Even if it is just him sitting quietly for 5 mins, say something like "I really appreciate that you have been playing so beautifully (insert name here)"

    When he settles down you can relax the rules a little but until then it really does need to be "what we say goes, no arguement". Take the time to talk to him too, let him know that you want to help him and you care but the rules remain in place to protect everyone in the family. Its an odd balance between letting him know he is loved and special to both of you and letting him know he still cant get away with anything.

    Anyway, enough of my ramblings. a counseller may be a good idea too. Chin up, you will all get through this, just stay strong.

  11. #19
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    25
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked
    1
    Reviews
    0

    Default Step son HELP!!!

    Thank you so much everyone. I feel armed with lots of good ideas to move forward with now I really want to check out that book too


 

Similar Threads

  1. Step Families EEK!
    By Danstarr in forum Issues with Family Members
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 06-09-2012, 19:27
  2. Step son does not want to see bio dad
    By BenTas83 in forum Discipline & behaviour
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 26-07-2012, 19:25

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Pebblebee
Parents spend hours looking for things they need NOW. The keys, the remote, darling daughter's treasured teddy. Stop wasting precious time looking & start finding with Bub Hub reviewed Pebblebee Smart Tag. Simply attach a Pebblebee and find it fast.
sales & new stuffsee all
The Health Hub
Give a new mum a fitness boost for Christmas & New Year. Studio-based, small group training sessions - cardio, strength, core, Pilates & boxing. Choice of 16 hrs per week, flexible-arrival feature - bubs & kids welcome! Gift vouchers available.
featured supporter
Softmats
Softmats specialises in safe, non-toxic, and durable play mats. The international Premium Dwinguler™ Play Mats and Premium Bubba Mat™ range of floor spaces are the best quality in the world.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!