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  1. #1
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    Default Anyone out there who understands?

    So I wake up this morning and its like the last 5 years hit me like a tonne of bricks!!! I moved from Townsville to Brisbane 5 years ago and in that time I made 1 friend who since then has moved interstate. I have managed to get through the last few years barely, feeling very alone and wondering 97% of the time what the hell is wrong with me that no one wants to be around me? I met a wonderful man about 2 years into being here and we are about to have our second child together but he can only give me so much. He treats me well and gives me everything i need in life but when it comes to sitting and listening to how I'm feeling he's just not cutting it anymore I don't know if the pregnancy is making my loneliness seem a lot worse then it has over the years but I'm struggling to get through my days of late. I have a son in prep and I have tried so very hard to connect with the other mothers at his school but I get treated like I have something contagious *sigh*. Is it me or are people these days simply just not willing to meet anyone new? I'm terrified that if I spend anymore time alone I'm going to end up depressed. I have cried all morning and its getting very tiring doing this three times a week for the last few years! Is it possible to lead a happy healthy life alone with no friends or family at all? Are my children going to be enough to keep me going for a few more years? These are the questions the go through my mind every second of every day! Is there anyone out there who knows what I'm going through, if there Is id love to hear from you.

    Emma, rochedale south Brisbane QLD

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    Default Anyone out there who understands?

    I'm sorry to hear of your pain.

    I might not be great advice as I haven't been through this but couldn't read and not reply...

    Have you discussed this with your partner? Or is there an option to relocated and try to start afresh In a new city/town?

    X

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  4. #3
    Gothel's Avatar
    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
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    Default Re: Anyone out there who understands?

    Loneliness is a killer, I know cos I have been kind of in your position, new to the area, reliant on my dh for everything, isolated and miserable. I also had PND but that was just another factor, not saying you have it at all.

    I would honestly start with a visit to the gp. See if you can get into a counsellor and talk talk talk. Bouncing your thoughts off someone could go a long way towards easing your feelings. Going through the gp can help with the cost (medicare).

    There are also helplines you can call to talk to someone. Bubhub is great but limited in it's feedback because it's all written. Talking 1on1 can be so unburdening, plus you are talking to a trained counsellor without ever needing to step out your door.

    Just from my own experience, having those thoughts going around in your head without relief, just allows them to grow and grow until they take on a life of their own. anything you can do to interrupt that cycle will most likely help you.

    And don't forget, there is always chat on here, bubhub was my lifeline in the darkest days. My dh sounds similar to yours, supportive in lots of ways but not great at the heart-to-heart chats.
    Last edited by Gothel; 28-11-2012 at 08:27.

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    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
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    Default Re: Anyone out there who understands?

    Btw have you looked around the hub for a 'due in group" or DIG I'm not sure when you are due but there should be group for your month? It's kinda like a mums group

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    Hello Emma,I am so sorry to hear you're having some dark days and I concur with Gothel in that I think you may benefit greatly if you have some counselling. Even if it is a visit to your GP, just getting your thoughts out there and a chance to have an empathetic ear is a good start. It does indeed sound as though you're suffering with some depression and unfortunately if that is the case your pregnancy hormones could be exacerbating your feelings as well.

    I have had several moves where I have moved to places and had no support networks and felt incredibly lonely and have felt that when I have let my inner dialogue get the better of me, I end up in a very dark and lonely place and no matter how much my children and husband bring me great love and joy, sometimes that's just not enough when you're suffering with anxiety and/or depression.
    Please don't be hard on yourself, I highly doubt there is any valid reason why the other Mums at the School are ignoring you etc, but from my experience I find that when I am not feeling 100% mentally, I often project that and may seem aloof, when in fact I could just be feeling very lonely and down if that makes sense. It is not always easy to make new friends when you move, especially if you're not in the work place as your meetings are often limited to those of things to do with your children, so again, please don't think you are not friend-worthy or that no one desires to be around you.

    You've made a great start in that you have reached out here on Bubhub, so I hope you will be able to find some empathetic 'ears' here and also be able to reach out to others in a professional capacity whether that be your GP or a counsellor. If you are going through the public system with your pregnancy, you can also ask to speak with the Hospital Social Worker who can also help you.

    Take care Emma.

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    Default Anyone out there who understands?

    Bubhub is a great place to help you not feel as lonely. I've made a lovely friend on here.

    I know how you feel though, in very lonely. I moved to where I am 3 years ago. But I am from here. Non of my old friends were keen on friendships anymore.

    I recently had a friend of mine I've known for years, who was so happy to make contact with me earlier this year, ignore me a lot lately and tell me they are too busy for a friend right now.

    Why not try going to walks or to parks and just see if after a while you can make some friends? Or join a class like scrap booking or something and make friends? I am thinking of taking a class.

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    Default Anyone out there who understands?

    Hugs Hun. It's very hard feeling isolated. I don't have much family or friends for support either so I know how you feel. I have moved interstate before and it was even harder, and I went through a very tough depression because of it. It sounds like you have a lovely partner though which helps immensely. Unfortunately men often aren't good at hearing about our feelings. Do you think the pregnancy hormones are making you feel worse as well? You can visit your GP and get a Medicare mental health plan which allows you 5 or 6 free sessions with a psychologist/counsellor which can help, I saw a psychologist (sp?) when I was interstate and just to have someone to talk to really helped me. It's really important you try to seek help before bubs arrives so you can get through the tough newborn days without them making it worse. Best of luck xx

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    Default Anyone out there who understands?

    Hi all thank you for caring enough to read my post and reply! I don't think relocating is really going to help me I haven't manage d to make friends here and there is no guarantee another city would be any better. I have tried counselling through my doctor and with women's centres over the years but I felt neither was of any help. I found it to be very impersonal talking to someone I didn't know and who didn't know me. And it was always in the back of my mind that it isn't someone to talk to that I need it's the need for someone in my life that I have a connection with, someone who genuinely wants to know me and be around me not someone who's being paid to listen to me I have tried play groups over the years and enrolled myself in courses and I have always put myself out there with approaching people and introducing myself but it gets me nowhere. I really am starting to believe I'm just not a likeable person. I have tried talking to my partner about everything and all I hear is but you have me I'm your best friend which is lovely but it's not the same as having the friendship of women in your life. I think I'm just having a very bad day and hopefully it will pass by tonight! I've managed to get through thus far without friends or family I've just gotta keep on getting through

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    I am just about on my way out the door, but wanted to quickly reply so I don't lose this post. I have often feel the same, will write some more later when I have time.
    Just wanted you to know there are other's out there who feel like you do

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    Hi Ewoodsland1,

    I can identify. I moved back to Brisbane (now in Ipswich), about 10 years ago and found it hard for the first 5-6 years to start and maintain friendships too. Brisbane is a funny place like that... I was lucky in that I was in my 20's and single at the time, it made things easier. Would be much harder with a little one at home and another on the way.

    I also suffered from terrible social anxiety as a child and teenager, and still have some of the left over anxiety around that....I sometimes won't call or text a friend "in case I'm bothering them". I found I was always waiting for them to initiate the friendship after I'd gotten the guts to introduce myself. So I have to now force myself to take it that step further and actually ask them to catch up for a coffee, or bbq. Then I have to make a list of conversation topics! Haha, I know, sounds silly right!? But I have a fear that I won't have anything to talk about!

    No-one would it know to look at me now, as I seem very confident and outgoing...but it takes a LOT of work.

    Being lonely is terrible, especially when your hormones are going crazy.

    PM me if you'd like to chat more. We're not exactly close by, but not too far apart either

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