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    Default Having second thoughts

    ...
    Last edited by cookiedough; 30-11-2012 at 20:36.

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    HugsBunny is offline Once upon a time there was a bunny.........
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    Default Having second thoughts

    Hugs. Can you talk to him about your concerns?

    I have to admit, I felt similar about my XH before we got married. We've both said to different people since that we didn't really want to get married but felt like we had to. We have one child and fell pregnant with our second shortly after the wedding.

    The marriage lasted less than 3 years. I wish we'd never gotten married now.

    I think you should try and talk to him about it and perhaps take a pre-marriage course?

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    LifeInShadesOfGrey is offline Just a little bit silly :)
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    Default Having second thoughts

    If in doubt. Don't do it.

    I had massive doubts about marrying my exh, but did and then was subject to abuse.

    If you feel he isn't right for you then don't do it.

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    Default Having second thoughts

    I agree with the above. The problems won't go away after the wedding so you need to sort it out now.

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    Default Having second thoughts

    Please don't marry him if you are in two minds about it....
    I got married to my now ex a year and a half ago and we are getting a divorce. We had an on again off again relationship and things between us were similar, he didn't make any attempt to get us a house and never worked out his finances so we could live together...
    We were no affectionate and we were practically friends with benefits there was no real attachment.
    I was balling my eyes out on my wedding day saying I didn't want to marry him but it was 'too late' and so I have lived with the regret for over a year and now we have to go through a divorce
    There is nothing worse then standing in front if all the friends and family to make your vows and then have to explain after that things weren't right.
    Please be sure about your decision, it really feels like rubbish to have to tell people that things didn't work out and it's ending really soon

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    Default Re: Having second thoughts

    Postpone the wedding, you don't have to tell everyone the real reason why.
    Talk to df about your feelings and hopefully you can work through it together, but please don't get married until you're certain.
    Is it possible to move bub into their own room? Or get creative with places/times to dtd. Explain to him your reasons why you don't like him watchin porn so often and if it's not a major issue, maybe compromise that he can watch it while you're on AF.

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    Can you do premarriage counseling?

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    With a young baby / child in your bedroom probably contributes to the issues. Can you move your baby into another room, maybe use a baby monitor if you are worried. I think it would be pretty normal to be less intimate in these circumstances, however, hugs, re-assurance etc during the day still should happen?

    Write a list of your doubts.

    Probably look at a pre-marriage counselling - these sessions will address all your concerns and often gets couples to discuss things like parenting/intimacy/expections/goals and hopes for your future.

    Definately do something NOW....

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    Sounds to me like you are both in a rut, you need to have a good talk to him and maybe suggest counseling. He might not be keen (men and their egos ykwim) a book like 'the love dare' is a good start.
    sometimes DH and I get all wind up with everyday life it feels like we disconnect so I do something like a romantic dinner and I tell him so that we can reconnect and make sure we're not 'going through the motions'.
    about the baby in the room... If he really wants to he'll find a way
    about the porn... He needs to snap out of that! Would he rather watch it or do it!? pretty sure the real life option is better


 

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