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  1. #1
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    Default Balance for a blended family...

    How do other Hubbers go about their days with/without Step children?

    I feel like my life with DD has to be kept a secret from Dsd to keep the peace and It isn't fair on anyone!

    Dd is 18months and loves farm animals, the zoo, swimming at the pools, indoor/outdoor play grounds, all things that bore the crap out of SD who is 12 ... but if we go without her she feels left out and if we wait and go with her she mopes and is grumpy so its feels like we can't win. DH still goes out with Sd to movies, fishing etc all thing DD is too young for but DSd still seems put out.

    DSD and I have a good relationship but she seems annoyed at having to share me with DD even though I have tried explaining to Dsd that when she was younger her mum and dad did all the same things and time with her.
    Her reactions, moody, attention seeking behaviours make it difficult to want to make extra effort on our relationship, I work full time running my own business, have a toddler and trying to keep my realationship afloat.

    DH and I had a weekend away and couldn't mention it infront of SD as she would be jealous of the baby getting to go (she doesn't understand the huge difference in age gap) DD is in bed at 6 so DH and I have alone time where as SD is up till 10pm on weekends...

    At home shes an only child and gets to make many decisions along side her mum, she is almost treated like mums life partner instead of the child.

    Anyway how do you make things fair on the Step kids who are between houses?

    I don't feel we should hide anything as we have a life too, DSD does things at her mums house that DD misses out on I think by trying to protect Dsd we are making a rod for our own backs down the track.




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    Last edited by babybumblebee; 22-11-2012 at 15:45.

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    Default Balance for a blended family...

    Im not a step parent so this is a different perspective.
    My DD1 goes to her dads (XH) every 2nd weekend, she gets to do heaps of things whilst there but always seems put out if she hears ive taken DD2 anywhere fun (even the park) whilst she was gone.

    I honestly think its just natural child behaviour to be put out that they may have missed something.

    I don't just stay at home with DD2 but i do omit details of what we've been doing when DD1 asks.
    Guessing this'll change when DD2 starts talking more and telling her herself

  3. #3
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    Default Balance for a blended family...

    My opinion is a very unpopular one. I think 12 is old enough to just deal with it. How exhausting for everyone having to hide things? Kids from blended families need to realise this is how life in a step family is. There's not sugar coating it.
    I think it's awesome that she does so much with her Dad! How fantastic they get to spend time together
    However you need to be able to enjoy your baby and not feel guilty.
    You're right, she sounds self entitled and probably not use to "missing out".
    We do heaps without my SS. Always have. We go away on holidays and do all sorts of things without him and there are no secrets.
    We don't want our other kids to think we're doing something wrong.
    I think she needs to learn to cope and deal with her blended life. Protecting it from her is doing NO one any favours.

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  5. #4
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    Default Re: Balance for a blended family...

    Exactly how I feel but our family (her grandparents) are always making it a big deal because SD is jealous that DD has both parents

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    Default Balance for a blended family...

    Quote Originally Posted by babybumblebee View Post
    Exactly how I feel but our family (her grandparents) are always making it a big deal because SD is jealous that DD has both parents

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    Oh grandparents! They have no idea. I'd be speaking to them if you have a good r/s and say you're both trying to help SS with her blended life.
    I have learnt very very quickly that step families are a very tricky and sensitive issue to a lot of people and they really don't get it.

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    She's a typical self centred teen who think the whole world owes her. She sounds no different than any other teen I know. As she grows and matures she'll realise that the world doesn't revolve around her. Meanwhile keep doing what you're doing, reassuring her all the way.

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    Yes I was about to say, that was me at age 12 and I wasn't from a blended family, nor was I an only child. I do agree with fobs though, you shouldn't have to hide thngs....just tell her she wasn't home at the time.

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    Default Re: Balance for a blended family...

    Thanks for all replies

    I think too much and at the end of it all DSD has been welcomed with open arms by my family and nothings changed on DHs side so she will just have to except thats how life rolls when u have 2 homes, honestly I can only do so much to help her and I can't change the way she feels I guess We wait til it blows over...



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    OJandMe is offline I am the strength my children will have.
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    I'm not a step parent, or have a blended family...

    but even so- Oliver and Jordan are exactly the same. I or DH do heaps of age appropriate stuff with them that we can't do with the little kids, but they still get put out if we do ANYTHING with the little kids if they aren't there.

    They are at school everyday, and we still have three at home- but O and J get super moody and cranky if they find out I've taken the boys out anywhere, done baking with them, done painting with them, even taken them to the supermarket!

    We just say now- "What? Do you expect them to just sit around and do nothing while they wait for you to come home? We did so much with you, it's their turn to do this stuff, you do other things they can't do."

    You should not have to keep anything secret, but we do it too "Don't tell O and J that Dad let you play the Wii" It's bloomin' ridiculous.

    Good luck. Just wanted to let you know it's not just step siblings that do it.

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    Default Balance for a blended family...

    Quote Originally Posted by RmumR View Post
    Im not a step parent so this is a different perspective.
    My DD1 goes to her dads (XH) every 2nd weekend, she gets to do heaps of things whilst there but always seems put out if she hears ive taken DD2 anywhere fun (even the park) whilst she was gone.

    I honestly think its just natural child behaviour to be put out that they may have missed something.

    I don't just stay at home with DD2 but i do omit details of what we've been doing when DD1 asks.
    Guessing this'll change when DD2 starts talking more and telling her herself
    I agree! Try not to be too hard on her, as a step child it's kind of normal to be a little insecure about these kinds of things, I know I definitely was and I wasn't particularly selfish or bratty, it's just that the adults in my life made decisions that whilst best for them, left me feeling in shaky ground about my place in my family.
    Try and give her as much reassurance as you can that she is equally loved and important to you and she will be less inclined to keep score. It might be exhausting for you, but at her vulnerable age it's probably just something she needs emotionally right now.

    I would just think of it in terms of if my bio child was feeling a little needy what would I be doing to reassure them and make them feel more secure? The recipe doesn't change just because it is a step child.
    Last edited by Mathermy; 22-11-2012 at 22:21.


 

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