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  1. #11
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    There is nothing wrong with wanting validation and support from your dad. That's totally normal. I don't think it's in his personality to give it to you though, unfortunately, but that doesn't mean that loving him is wrong. He obviously loves you, too, just has a bizarre way of showing it (hopefully the move will stop the stalking).

  2. #12
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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    sorry sassy, he must be your dad to teach you how to not treat those you love. It is normal for you to cling to some hope that he might change, growup, and understand that he has to give more love to receive more love. It is probably for the best that he leaves without a real goodbye, it might be too distressing for you. You could always write a letter to him, or get him to read your post, and perhaps he will respond. but then again he might not. I also feel sad for your brother, he has had a very poor role model for how a man should be. hugs, Marie.

  3. #13
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    SpecialPatrolGroup is offline T-rex is cranky until she gets her coffee.
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    So sorry you have had so much pain caused by your dad. He does sound like a terribly immature, selfish man. i don't really know how you can protect yourself from the pain and disappointment that he causes you.

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    How awful. I'm so sorry that you've had to experience this.

    I really enjoy the way you write, if not journalism, maybe you could use your talent for writing in a different way?

  5. #15
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    I'm really sorry that your dad is not more of well a dad.

    Tbh he sounds really selfish and immature and neglectful.

    I think that we all cling to this idea of how we want our parents to be and when they are kinda crap it devastates us.

    I don't know what to advise really. I put all my energy into my son as I want at least to give him everything I never had.

  6. #16
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    He probably loves you as much as he can love anyone. Which probably isn't very much. My grandmother was fairly distant with my mother, and that was the realisation she came to - not that her mum didn't love her, but that she seemed only capable of a limited amount of love for anyone.​ It's a ****ty situation to be in.

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    Default I just need a big long vent about my Dad...

    Does your dad have mental health problems or is he just an ar$ehole?

    You can't control what your dad does. But you can control how it affects you. If I would help to tell him off, do it. Or cut him from your life. Or lay strict rules with him and stick to them (eg If he Says something about your weight say "You are no longer allowed to comment on anything to do with my weight. If you continue I will ask you to leave.")

    You can take control back. You have the power. You are your own person.

    Good luck.

  8. #18
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    Thanks everyone.

    Vic park, your first line made me laugh! lol. I don't know whether he has mental problems or not. I'm not sure he's one to believe in mental health problems... he's certainly not diagnosed with anything and I can't possibly imagine him ever seeing a psychologist.

    I don't think it's necessarily an a-hole either. I mean, he certainly comes across that way... but through dealing with him my whole life, I genuinely think he doesn't understand how hurtful he can be. I often compare him and my brother, and the clear distinction I make between the two is that my brother is intentionally nasty... whereas my father seems to not realise just how insensitive he's being. Or inappropriate. Or whatever. I think his intentions are never malicious... he just doesn't exactly know the best way to go about it.

    Still, while I can see that he probably means no harm, that doesn't stop him from actually DOING harm, even unintentionally. The worst part is you can't just explain it to him. Dad likes to not chat... he lectures. My brother and I used to joke that he says the same thing 10 times, repeats it a few different languages, and then says it backwards for good measure. A conversation that could go, "Look, that really hurt my feelings, here's why..." with him, ends up with him lecturing you about something or other (usually not caring what others think... except him, or something)... and then you just going, "Yep, yep, yep," every few seconds so he doesn't complain that you're not listening. It's the easiest way to get him to stop lecturing, and I guess in a way, that probably doesn't help, but SAYING something doesn't help either. *sigh*

    I don't see him often anyway. I can't even remember the last time I saw him. Actually, I think it was early July for my brother's daughter's birthday. Before that, probably late 2011 when he visited me after my op. So I mean, I don't actually have to deal with him much...

    But I guess I get kind of jealous with all these girls who have Dads they get along well with. Who have that perfect Daddy/daughter thing. I've never had that. I mostly distrust my Dad and walk away from a lot of our interactions feelings let down and sad...

    I guess it's all being an adult though. I don't hate him... I'd never say, "Get out of my life!" because he's never done anything intentionally cruel... and I don't see him enough for it to be worth the hostility anyway... and I'll obviously see him way less now that he's moving overseas...

    Oh well... thanks for the vent guys.

  9. #19
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    Default I just need a big long vent about my Dad...

    *hugs* I know how it feels to have a 'father' who just constantly lets you down and puts no effort in at all I wish I could offer some constructive advice....but I'm in a similar position myself and not sure where to go from here!


 

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