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  1. #1
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    Default Preparing mentally for a baby

    My Manager asked the other day if I'm excited that bub will be here in around 13 weeks, and I said "you know what, I've been thinking a lot about all the stuff I need to buy and what it'll be like to be off work and how to deal with cloth nappies, but haven't given a whole lot of thought to the fact that I'm about to be a mum". She said she was the same and then a week before her son arrived, she had a moment of realization and said she thinks because of this, it was a massive adjustment for her to mentally get into mum mode. She suffered from PND and i worry that the lack of mental preparation could have contributed to this (my own assumption, i have very little knowledge of PND so correct me if I'm wrong).

    So I guess my question is, how did you mentally prepare yourself for the arrival of your first child? Any tips on what to do / what not to do?

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    o0o0o good question... i'd like to know too!!

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    Default Preparing mentally for a baby

    I didn't mentally prepare much at all. It was hard for me to visualise my bump as a baby. Saying that I had a fair bit of experience looking after other babies. I wouldn't worry there is so much support out there especially midwife and child health nurse clinics. Our local one runs all sorts of parenting classes. And of course there's always bubhub

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    Default Re: Preparing mentally for a baby

    I think expectations can hurt. Like expecting a "happy" baby, or expecting a baby to sleep for any time or not feed constantly, but mostly expectations on myself on how I thought I'd feel, be and cope. I didn't have that instant moment of blind love, I'd expected I'd love my baby instantly. He's 4 and I love him totally and completely. But it took time.

    I'd expected Id be happier. New mums are happy! Grateful! Excited! I was just exhausted and overwhelmed and so then throw a side serve of guilt because I wasn't joyful at all moments day and night sucked.

    I think though with pnd if you don't think you feel normal, there are support services though the children's health nurses, midwives or family gp, its not uncommon, normal and totally okay if you need help. And knowing that with katelyn (second baby) was helpful. It took the pressure of expecting I'd be fine.

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    I don't think you can prepare .... It's unlike anything you've experienced, and there is no way to know exactly how it is going to go!
    i remember when I first saw my son it was just weird ... I can't even explain how I felt its just weird! It took a while to sink in.
    Now I still can't believe he is mine, but I love him more than I can express, and have loved the whole experience of being a mum more than I could have imagined.

    So wait and see how you go ... And cut yourself some slack.
    take it moment by moment

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    Default Re: Preparing mentally for a baby

    And then there's always this -

    http://www.allowe.com/Humor/book/So%...20Children.htm

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    Default Preparing mentally for a baby

    Quote Originally Posted by fionaalice View Post
    I don't think you can prepare .... It's unlike anything you've experienced, and there is no way to know exactly how it is going to go!
    i remember when I first saw my son it was just weird ... I can't even explain how I felt its just weird! It took a while to sink in.
    Now I still can't believe he is mine, but I love him more than I can express, and have loved the whole experience of being a mum more than I could have imagined.

    So wait and see how you go ... And cut yourself some slack.
    take it moment by moment
    110% agree with this!

    I really don't think you can mentally prepare for what's to come. The start of motherhood can truly be quite an overwhelming experience at first - and I mean that in the best and worst possible way at the same time!

    I had trouble sleeping at all the first night my son was alive because I just couldn't believe he was here and I was actually his Mum. I recall trying to breastfeed him in the early hours of that morning and him twisting his little head around so that he could stare right at me with huge blue eyes... which then triggered me to start crying. Just the depth of the emotion I felt for him was something I really could never ever have prepared myself for.

    (oh and a sidenote I didn't suffer from PND at all either, so definitely don't worry about these things being at all related)

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    Default Re: Preparing mentally for a baby

    I think it's easier to prepare yourself for a baby mentally by learning about breastfeeding and by accepting that all babies are different. You may get sleep, you may not.

    I found it hard to talk to my DS before he was born but I think being so set on his name really helped me bond and when he was born I loved him

    If you can freeze some meals before the birth so on days you are exhausted you will still have something good to eat. Make a sandwich for your lunch before you go to bed. It's little things that will help you not stress too much.

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    There's some great responses in this thread. There's really no way you can mentally prepare for a baby - sounds like you are doing the right thing by preparing for the physical stuff!

    Right up until DS was placed on my chest the idea of actually having a baby and being a Mum, was so difficult to comprehend. When he was born, I was so happy and relieved to have him, but I didn't feel that instant wave of love that some Mums have. My Aunty called me the day after he was born and gushed "can you imagine life without him?". All I could think was I didn't have to imagine life without him, I only had to think back two days! But after that I fell in love with my DS, there's no other way to explain it. I too cried over how perfect and beautiful he was!

    I was worried that I would resent him for all the changes in my life - but the love I feel for him completely eclipses that.

    Best of luck with your bub!

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    I spent a lot of time on bubhub, and I did a course called "The First Six Weeks". Sooo informative! Because the childbirth preparation classes at the hospital and the calmbirth classes and all that are great for getting you ready for the birth, but then what? I also talked to my mum a lot! I don't have many friends with kids, so getting information from her (even though most of the time she said "I don't really remember" or "So much has changed since I was having babies") was invaluable.


 

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