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  1. #1
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    Default plese help me deal with her tantrums :(

    I am after some advice on how i can handle my 21 mth old's tantrums. I have noticed it becomming more apparent the last 2 weeks or so. She looses her temper very easily and will scream and throw her toys. Her language is all babble atm, it's hard to work out what is upsetting her, so im guessing alot of the tantrums are from frustration and the fact she has learnt she is her own person. This morning was particularly bad, trying to get her to sit at the table for breakfast, not eating a thing, trying to get her dressed/nappy changed and out the door so we could make it to playgroup. Then there was a melt down getting into the car. Once at playgroup she was fine - one of the better behaved kids there. I couldnt believe it! After our morning! I refuse to raise my voice at her. I see that as only escalating her mood. I do keep calm and i try and talk it out with her. It just seems she is only focused on getting her own way these days. I am 34 weeks pregnant, so i am avoiding physically lifting her to make her do what i need her to. I also dont want to be scratched and kicked by picking her up when she doesnt want to be and is in the middle of a tantrum. I am sick of the screaming because things are not going her way or i wont pick her up because she is screaming at me to. I know it's probably a phase every toddler has to go thru but i would like some tips on how i can handle her temper. What do you do when your toddler is screaming all morning (for no reason that you can understand) wanting to be held, not interested in anything other than scratching down your leg to get picked up! I dont want to have this terrible toddler who just screams all the time. I want to get her behaviour under control but i just dont know where to start. Could you offer me your tips on this? TIA.

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    hi, I didnt have many tantrums to deal with, but when there was one, I got down to the childs level, eye to eye, and explained that the behaviour is not acceptable, and then I would turn away. If there was a dangerous situation, eg traffic, or things being broken, then I would react quickly, probably with a smack to the childs bottom, and try to snap the child out of it quickly. If this is a constant behaviour, then I would perhaps look for a reason, two year molars?? ear ache? otherwise, it probably will be something that is a short phase. Marie.

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    I've found that the best way to deal with frustration tantrums is to really empathize with the toddler and help them to articulate what they're feeling. I get down to eye level with my DD or her cousins, really try to put myself in their shoes and say things like, "you're really frustrated by xyz?", "do you need some help or are you ok"' "I know that you would really like some time to finish what you're doing but it's time for us to go to playgroup now", i can see you're really frustrated. It's ok to be angry but I won't let you hurt me". I find empathy incredibly effective for making children feel heard and helping them to move on and learn to self-regulate. Giving them the words to understand their feelings is also really important for emotional development, as is letting them know that all their feelings are acceptable even if certain actions are not. It must be so draining dealing with this while heavily pregnant. In the unlikely event that you get time to read a book, "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" is well worth a read

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    Totally agree with Wrena. I have always assumed that any tantrum my children is having is much worse for them than it is for me. I always try to get them to tell me what's wrong if I don't already know, ask them what I can do to make them feel better, and if I get no coherent response, I just do what I can to comfort them. If the tantrum continues after I've comforted all I can, I allow them time on their own to get over it by themselves before trying to move on with something else. Sometimes this is hard when you're in a hurry and have to be somewhere of course.

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    Our 21 month old has been tantruming more than ever lately too. If he doesn't get his own way he starts squealing and shaking his head/crying.

    I think part of it is his frustration from not being able to verbally express how he is feeling. He uses words, but doesn't string together sentences. He doesn't ask for things by their name.

    We've been getting down to his level and making eye contact when we communicate with him. I'm also not giving in to the tantrums by giving him exactly what he wants all the time as he'll start thinking that is the way to manipulate us.

    I'm hoping it's a bit of a phase, but we're preparing ourselves for the beginning of the so-called terrible two's.

    So I've got no great tips, but I do feel your pain and I'm interested in other responses. Must be so hard being heavily pregnant with a toddler


 

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