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  1. #21
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    Default Re: Step son touching my daughter :(

    I would definitely approach carefully. We had a similar situation with my son and an older family member (11 at the time) and now 18 months down the track it turns out that family member had been molested herself

    Regardless I'm sorry you and your family are going through any of this.

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  2. #22
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    Ok this is my honest opinion.
    Before calling docs or getting anyone else involved I would sit with your SS and ask him where he learnt all this from. Be very calm and kind.
    Talk to him about it first.
    Did he actually use the word "se.x"? If so where did he hear it.
    Ask him if anyone has touched him etc.
    He may have seen a movie somewhere or some older kids at school where talking about it.
    You are not over reacting but you have to be careful with this.
    I was 6-7 and I knew what se.x was. I heard adults talk about it.
    My friend and I would "explore" stuff.
    Im not saying its right and of course not with a little 3 year old but this kid might seriously just not grasp what he did.

    I also strongly disagree that it's not normal for a 6 year old to say they want to have s.ex. Every child is different and if he has heard from somewhere how great s.ex is he might just be repeating that.

    At the same time it may be more serious so try to have as much info as you can first.

    It's a hard situation to be in.

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  4. #23
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    Default Step son touching my daughter :(

    Quote Originally Posted by Janesmum123 View Post
    Ok this is my honest opinion.
    Before calling docs or getting anyone else involved I would sit with your SS and ask him where he learnt all this from. Be very calm and kind.
    Talk to him about it first.
    Did he actually use the word "se.x"? If so where did he hear it.
    Ask him if anyone has touched him etc.
    He may have seen a movie somewhere or some older kids at school where talking about it.
    You are not over reacting but you have to be careful with this.
    I was 6-7 and I knew what se.x was. I heard adults talk about it.
    My friend and I would "explore" stuff.
    Im not saying its right and of course not with a little 3 year old but this kid might seriously just not grasp what he did.

    I also strongly disagree that it's not normal for a 6 year old to say they want to have s.ex. Every child is different and if he has heard from somewhere how great s.ex is he might just be repeating that.

    At the same time it may be more serious so try to have as much info as you can first.

    It's a hard situation to be in.
    Again agree as I have been a child similar. I knew what s3x was and I tell you, you will be amazed at what goes around the school yard in conversation at that age. But a 6 year old doesn't fully understand the concept of sex so more then likely it's just talk and an explore. Just tread carefully. Not saying you aren't to be concerned but just be very mindful.

  5. #24
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    Default Re: Step son touching my daughter :(

    Before you have a big talk with SS about it and get all the info, only get enough to make sure he isnt being abused. If you find out he is, stop the conversation immediately and contact the police so he can be interviewed. If its discovered you had a big talk with SS first, it can make it very hard to do anything after that.

    I was curious like this when i was his age but a three year old was a baby to me, even then.

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  7. #25
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    I have been going through everything over and over and while i do understand hes only 6 and it could very well be innocent that hes just seen something on tv or heard something from his older brother or even at school I still keep comming back to the fact that its happened to my baby whos only 3 which is still hurting me I am her mum and I am meant to protect her and I feel like I've failed, I'm not going to fly off the handle at him, dp has agreed that we will sit down together with him and see what he says then explain that thats not apporpirote behaviour, his bm has put all the blame onto us and said shes not dealing with it because it never happened ss would never do anything like that and my dd is making it all up, my dp then said well dd does lie, well yes she does tell little fibs like no i didnt let the cat out but shes never said anything like this before so i trust her 100% she can tell me everything that happend where when everything.

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    You haven't failed her at all, and you haven't failed your step-son either. I do believe these issues are often far bigger than most parents can handle, especially considering it's so difficult to remain unbiased (his mother probably genuinely believes that her darling boy would never do such a thing). I think perhaps a childhood counsellor could assist.

  9. #27
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    I was not going to reply because I had agreed with all the previous advice you had been given

    If the his mother is not going to do anything you need to report it to DOCS as soon as you can. If he is there now she could be saying things to him to change his perception (eg coaching). He should be spoken to by professionals to ensure your DD is safe and also to make sure nothing inappropriate is going on.

    Don't wait until he is back with you and I don't think you or you DP should talk with him about it until you have spoken with a professional and gotten some sort of help about the situation.

    I am so sorry this has happened

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  11. #28
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    Default Step son touching my daughter :(

    Quote Originally Posted by LotusUndercover View Post
    , my dp then said well dd does lie, well yes she does tell little fibs like no i didnt let the cat out but shes never said anything like this before so i trust her 100% she can tell me everything that happend where when everything.
    I'm going to get absolutely slammed for this, but if this was my partners attitude I would pack my things and leave with the girls. Unless he can 100% admit that your DD was telling the truth, I couldn't keep my girls around SS knowing that my partner didn't really believe it happened.

    Unless he was 100% committed to resourcing every possible avenue to get help for both children I would walk.

    I would get child services involved. They would have proper knowledge and help in this area and would be able to sort out counseling with specially trained counsellors who deal with this sort of thing.

    There is a big possibility that your SS is also a victim so I would want them BOTH being helped.

    It needs to be reported NOW because who knows if BM is already having her own "talks" with SS. If he is being abused she could possibly be making the situation worse. He could shut down and not say anything.
    Last edited by waterlily; 19-11-2012 at 14:56.

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  13. #29
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    Default Re: Step son touching my daughter :(

    Quote Originally Posted by waterlily View Post
    I'm going to get absolutely slammed for this, but if this was my partners attitude I would pack my things and leave with the girls. Unless he can 100% admit that your DD was telling the truth, I couldn't keep my girls around SS knowing that my partner didn't really believe it happened.

    Unless he was 100% committed to resourcing every possible avenue to get help for both children I would walk.

    I would get child services involved. They would have proper knowledge and help in this area and would be able to sort out counseling with specially trained counsellors who deal with this sort of thing.

    There is a big possibility that your SS is also a victim so I would want them BOTH being helped.

    It needs to be reported NOW because who knows if BM is already having her own "talks" with SS. If he is being abused she could possibly be making the situation worse. He could shut down and not say anything.
    Yeah, i agree. How utterly horrible of your DP. Id pack both our bags and leave.

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  14. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hootenanny View Post
    It's perfectly normal for you to be feeling the way you are but to be honest he is only 6 and I would be deeply concerned for his well being. That type of behavior can be an indicator that he himself has been a victim of sexual abuse and I would be looking very closely at who may be the perpetrator.
    You and your partner may need to seek advice from a child protection agency, this is not something to ignore.
    Exactly this


 

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