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  1. #11
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    Default Re: Step son touching my daughter :(

    Quote Originally Posted by Hootenanny View Post
    It's perfectly normal for you to be feeling the way you are but to be honest he is only 6 and I would be deeply concerned for his well being. That type of behavior can be an indicator that he himself has been a victim of sexual abuse and I would be looking very closely at who may be the perpetrator.
    You and your partner may need to seek advice from a child protection agency, this is not something to ignore.
    ^^^ exactly this.

    I'd get outside help asap on how to handle the situation, push my husband to get on board because his son may be in very real danger himself.

    Also if it were my daughters I'd not leave them unattended for a minute, doors open policy or even doors off hinges for bedrooms. But I'd try to look at your 6 year old step son as s victim and a child, not a predator. As hard as that would be. How frightening and awful



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  3. #12
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    Hi,
    As other pp's have stated: you are not over reacting. Well done on hearing your dd and responding. At the age of 6 this little boy needs support and help as his behaviour is not typical of a 6 year old. I would have a look here:http://www.aifs.gov.au/nch/pubs/sheets/rs23/index.html to see if there is a service you could call to assist both you and dh to understand what to do next. If your ss is being abused himself or is having access to inappropriate material then he needs to be spoken to carefully in a supportive manner. I would hate for your dh to just tell him off for the behaviour and have ss shut down and not find out if he himself has been placed at risk. I also agree that ss should not be left alone with dd or any other younger children until you all know what has happened. Big hugs to you and your family. This sucks

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  5. #13
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    Thank you all for your support and helping me think things through I took some time tonight to sit down with dp and really talk about it all again which has helped he is going to sit ss down and see what he says first then talk to bm about it all, I freaked out and was very angry but a lot of you are right what if he is being abused <img src="images/smilies/frown.gif" border="0" alt="" title="Frown" smilieid="11" class="inlineimg" that's something that we are concerned about now so we will definately be getting to the bottom of this and dp took both of our kids doors off tonight thank you for the idea I won't be leaving my girls alone at all from now on I would rather be over protective then have anything happen again

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    Big hugs to you, it must be such a hard and difficult thing to deal with. Im glad your DP is listening to you and that you are working together to work this out.
    I really hope that this never happens to your girls again, and that your SS just happened to see an inappropriate movie or something rather than the more nasty and scary situation of abuse (not that either is ok).

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    Sorry double post

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    Default Step son touching my daughter :(

    My heart goes out to you! I'm not an expert by any means, and the following comment is intended more generally: I was listening to the radio yesterday on my way home from work and a woman who heads up an organization called "Bravehearts" was the guest. The point was made that male survivors of sexual abuse often remain quiet for fear of being viewed as potential predators. Only 1% of predators (adults) are in fact survivors of abuse themselves. It's really important to keep that in mind because the fear of being viewed as a potential predator just makes men stay silent thus ultimately protecting the real predators.

    Having said that the woman who founded Bravehearts did so after discovering her then 7 yo daughter had been abused by her father in law. It's an amazing organization and I have included their details below. They should be able to lead you in the right direction.

    Best of luck!
    1800BRAVE1
    http://www.bravehearts.org.au
    Last edited by ToonZie; 19-11-2012 at 08:00.

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  10. #17
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    I'd have a chat with docs personally, there could be something happening to this little boy Thank you for listening to your daughter! I agree with others, NEVER leave her alone with him

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    Default Step son touching my daughter :(

    Hugs hun.

    I just wanted to give another perspective. It's quite common for children of that age to be interested in exploring. They are aware they have bits, not sure exactly what they are for it whether their actions with them are appropriate or not. They don't have that knowledge of understanding. I believe at 6 it's not such a sexual deviant act as such more curiosity.

    I say this because I remember being 6 and doing exactly the same thing with friends. None of us thought anything more of it. We had seen snaps of a movie here and there and overheard adult conversation at some point. It was nothing but innocent fondling tbh. I have stayed close to my friends and they all see it the same way.

    I was also sexual abused at 8 by a family member and it was VERY different.

    My suggestion is next time you have him both you and your do sit down and have a serious chat to your step son and explain that it's not what people do and you definitely can't do it with other people. Be honest and answer his questions also.

    You might not like what I write but I do believe at 6 it's curiosity more then anything and he hasn't obviously been educated with the do's and don'ts of the adult world (naturally) but after talking to many adult friends the majority of us explored in some way about that age.

    I know it's never easy and you do have to make sure your dd is aware you are dealing with the situation so she continues to feel safe and come to you. Hugs hun.

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  13. #19
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    Default Re: Step son touching my daughter :(

    I agree with 1crazymoose. I would be very careful how you approach this with the little boy, it is definitely within the realms of completely normal, curious child behaviour. It may not be of course so you will have to figure that out.

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    It is not normal for a 6yo to say they want to have sex. Exploring bodies etc is normal, but not to say they want to have sex.

    There is a chance that though he doesn't really know what he is saying

    I think you need to involve the birth mother in the discussion - there are a limited number of places a child would be exposed to this type of knowledge, and to protect your DH you need to make sure it doesn't backlash and he (and you) get blamed

    I'd be talking to the family doctor and get a referral to a family counsellor.

    Good Luck

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