I'm not sure if I am in the right place or not, I need advice and don't know where to start.... WARNING: this may be a long post!
I think my ex is incapable of making smart, safe decisions for our children and feel that the time has come for me to cut all ties. something I have always sworn I will never do.
Last night he had our daughters at a party labeled a p!$$ up. We found out because other friends were at the party and were quick to let DP and I know that our kids were there (everyone sees the girls, including DSD as DP and mine, not steps kids etc) they kept an eye on the girls for me and said they would call if the girls needed to be removed from the party. DD1 starts high school next year. being at a party watching ppl get messy is not ideal at the best of times let alone right before she is about to be exposed to underage drinking etc.
The girls don't have tooth brushes where they are staying this weekend, without even seeing the girls yet I know that he has not gone a bought some for the girls. DD1 is currently going through $11,000 orthodontic work. she has a twin block at the moment which means if it and her teeth are not brushed it is locking everything on her teeth, meaning they will stain and rot very quickly. Just because he hasn’t brushed his teeth since he was 12 and is not paying any of the $11K bill should not mean he should not give a crap about our kids teeth.
2 years ago my girls opened up to me that their uncle (Ex's brother, 15 at the time) had been taking pornographic picture of them "for years" and although they did not say that he touched them I do believe that he had from a very early age (something i don't want to go into here). Needless to say I cut all contact with the uncle and ex's parents. The girls are terrified of seeing any of his family, just the mention of them they both go very pale and refuse to even talk about them. Police have been involved and all that jazz... again don’t really want to go into any more detail.
I told the girls dad right away and made it clear that the girls were to have no contact.
He asked just last weekend if he can take the girls to dinner out there, his brother won’t be home... "no"
He wanted to take the girls camping with his family including brother "obviously I will be there to supervise" OMFG Camping? somewhere were some of this abuse that has happened... the only time i would want to go camping with his brother is if I was going to bury him out there!
He has regular dinners with the family.. how do you sit across the table from the boy who has done this to your children???
He has been traveling around Australia sleeping in the back of a station wagon for the last 7 months, how he can do that on the dole I don't know, our tax dollars at work ppl! one phone call the whole 7 months. He came back just after DD2 10th birthday stating that he is having the kids for the weekend. DD2 didn't want to go at first (which I support) but decided at the last minute she would go.
DP asked what he got her for a gift? "when I asked him about it he said, isn't the fact that I cut my holiday short enough for you" Are you F'n serious?! I know presents are not everything but really,... 1 it was her birthday and 2 you have just travelled around Australia and you did not buy a single thing for your kids????
I keep hearing more and more little things from the girls which makes me think he is incapable of making mature choices. the girls have needed to say to him a few times that something is not safe or not ok to do.
I am truly at the point that I think he is doing more harm than good. he has come and gone from their lives from the start, I have always thought that it is best to let the girls decide on if they want to see him knowing that they will eventually see him for who he is (DD2 is already there).
DP is really sad at the moment, he opened up over dinner on Friday night. He is worried about how long until he disappears again and breaks the girls hearts again. we are the ones that need to get them through the emotions and need to dry the tears not their Dad. DP said it just breaks his heart everytime they go and he knows that the girls are not being looked after properly.
Someone tell me what you would do? Sometimes I think he wants me to stop the access so that I am the bad guy, right now I think it is the right thing to do....