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  1. #41
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    Default Child support

    I understand where you are coming from Dp gets really upset when he thinks about the time he has with dsd, he loves his daughter so much, has had her one night a week and every second weekend since BM left him 5.5 years ago (two nights a week at one point)
    He pays a large amount of money in csa and it sucks. Not because he has to pay the money but because he would pay 10x that amount if he could have her full time. He didn't ask for BM to 'fall in love' with one of His best friends and up and leave. Taking his daughter and creating a separateness from him and her that is unbearable. He would never not pay CSA for dsd, it's what is right. He looks forward to the day that she is old enough to make her own choices about where she lives though

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  3. #42
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    Thanks Jacois. I just think its a terrible situation, outside his control mostly. I just don't get how she can dictate absolutely everything despite the child loving both parents equally and wanting to spend time equally. Our only hope is wait a couple of years until SS can express his opinion and he is old enough for consideration to be given to that. I just hope it's not too late.

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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    It isn't about the fact the mother should automatically get custody. It's that she has had him 8 years. She is the primary carer and research shows moving kids from that primary carer can be damaging.
    Sorry, I should clarify, I thought I mentioned it earlier. It used to be 50/50 custody until he started school. So it's not entirely unknown to him.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cheerilee View Post
    I can see where he is coming from (whether or not I agree).

    If it were me I would take to court. Have a family report done, see what the recommendations are. The family court is not as mother friendly as you obviously believe.

    If it were me I would leave the child in the school they are in if the child is happy there. I would look at moving to a school middle distance for high school as the child would be moving schools anyway.

    Continue the counselling and request more contact eg every 2nd weekend and a night in the middle of the week (on the week that the child is not with him). Build this up slowly under the guidance of a professional to ensure the child is coping.
    This was exactly our plan however she has already spoken to SS about going to a particular high school which is close to her. What does that suggest?
    The care arrangements that you mentioned are what we have and unfortunately both parents agreed in addition to the counsellor that the counselljng is not doing any good.

  6. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by HowCrazyCool View Post
    I understand where you are coming from Dp gets really upset when he thinks about the time he has with dsd, he loves his daughter so much, has had her one night a week and every second weekend since BM left him 5.5 years ago (two nights a week at one point)
    He pays a large amount of money in csa and it sucks. Not because he has to pay the money but because he would pay 10x that amount if he could have her full time. He didn't ask for BM to 'fall in love' with one of His best friends and up and leave. Taking his daughter and creating a separateness from him and her that is unbearable. He would never not pay CSA for dsd, it's what is right. He looks forward to the day that she is old enough to make her own choices about where she lives though
    Exactly.. And this is exactly how DH feels.

  7. #46
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    Although this is a step parent/blended family area I often see replies that appear to be more from people outside of this situation.

    You have a point that society generally does believe the child is better with the mother at all cost. Dads do not get a fair deal at all.

    If you have court orders usually it says that parental responsibility is shared equally between BOTH parents. Women in particular don't often remember this ( myself also ) & men can tend to turn a blind eye to this.

    Going back to mediation is your only option. Factors like the mother moving often & lack of stability preventing 50/50 care can be discussed here. We are also in a situation where BM moves often. We had talked about moving closer but we safely assume she would likely then move.

    Get lawyers advice & do everything by the book. DO NOT stop paying cs, I do not agree with that under any circumstance. Keep written records of everything, it does come in handy.

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  9. #47
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    I think Dad should have sorted this well before now, when the arrangement went from 50/50, I can get my back up with some of these threads because so often dads seem to be all talk and no action, it sounds like this situation needed urgent action when the child was moved.

  10. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bunny Lover View Post
    Thanks Jacois. I just think its a terrible situation, outside his control mostly. I just don't get how she can dictate absolutely everything despite the child loving both parents equally and wanting to spend time equally. Our only hope is wait a couple of years until SS can express his opinion and he is old enough for consideration to be given to that. I just hope it's not too late.
    It won't ever be too late!

    It sounds like a sh!t situation and I imagine it would be extremely tough on your DH

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mokeybear View Post
    I think Dad should have sorted this well before now, when the arrangement went from 50/50, I can get my back up with some of these threads because so often dads seem to be all talk and no action, it sounds like this situation needed urgent action when the child was moved.
    Sometimes noncustodial parents don't want to rock the boat in fear of repercussions.

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    But to do nothing is leaving them in this situation and not only that, has set a precedent for what was expected from both parents. She changed something that was fundamental to him and he let her.


 
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