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  1. #121
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    Quote Originally Posted by ourbradybunch View Post
    Well as you have admitted you are a selfish person so I'm assuming you believe 100% that your happiness is the priority? Your father must have had endless amounts of money & job prospects in order to move 3 cities?
    I never mentioned happiness, I spoke about our well being and yes, as a parent your children's well being should be your priority.

    I'm grateful for the sacrifices he made.

    I'm curious does your father get to have happiness, relationships & job opportunities now?
    Sure, he's been with the same woman for almost 15 years now and works part time.

    I haven't depended on him for my well being since I was 16. He ensured I was cared for until I was capable of caring for myself, that's his job as a dad.

    What would you suggest my husband does, leave me & his other children to follow his other child around everytime her mother moves her? 6 hours this way, 2 hours that way, 3 hours that way, do you seriously 100% believe that is the best option???

    In our circumstances it is not. We stay put & now due to family law court orders the mother stays put. We spent thousands & even when not a lot went in my DH favour we won on that, however we are restricted to every 2nd weekend & half of every holidays, the rest of the time she's in her mothers care & rarely cared for properly.
    Good, that was the advice I gave the OP.

    This is an area for STEP PARENTS & BLENDED FAMILIES, advice from non single mothers is NOT appreciated in the single parents section as non single mothers don't understand the delicate nature of being a single parent, well guess what if you ARE NOT a part of a blended family you do not UNDERSTAND the delicate nature of our circumstances & seriously you would want to hope that in the event your ex dares be selfish enough to move on, remarry or have more children that they move on with a non selfish woman who loves your child & wants your child to remain a part of her estranged fathers family!!!
    ~yawn~

    I'm very much part of a blended family and I do 'get' how difficult it is to be a step-parent, that's why I've said I could never be one, it'd never be fair to my partner or his child/ren.

    My husband will never be an estranged father, his children are the centre of his universe. I wouldn't expect any new partner to love my children, just to treat them with kindness, respect and to acknowledge that these children are his number one priority.

    You seem to have latched on to me saying I'm selfish. To clarify, I could never be a step-parent as the only person I'd want my partner to love more than me, is those I love more than him. Anything else would create an unhappy situation for all involved. I don't have the capacity to be a step-parent. Much props to those who do.

  2. #122
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    Quote Originally Posted by ItWasntMe View Post
    If they had it in writing, don't you thing they would have already given it to CSA? It can be tricky to prove other parent is doing cash in hand work. My ex in his stupidity told me during conversation where he was working cash in hand, hours he was doing etc. CSA didn't do a damn thing about it even after I gave them photographic evidence from exes fb about his cash in hand and bragging about 'beating the system'
    She just has to keep on them and if there is enough proof she will be caught.


    Quote Originally Posted by HugsBunny View Post
    Oh what a load of rot!!! CSA is now a money making scheme?? Are you serious?!!!
    Not a money making scheme a money saving scheme, since the amount of FTB that are paid to parents directly drops the more money they collect in CSA the less money the government is paying out thus saving money and a penny saved is a penny earned.

    Quote Originally Posted by ItWasntMe View Post
    And who do all of your kids live with LMF? Have you offered to let their dad take them? Or did you just move them to a different country?
    Yes he has the option as did the kids. He could at any time seen the kids, had the kids live with him etc. He didnt want it and he gave me all the blessing to move to Australia with them because he thought it would be great for them.

    Quote Originally Posted by HugsBunny View Post
    Very interesting point…… though I imagine it was ok for lmf to move the kids away as their father didn't pay child support anyway (I'm assuming) so that makes it ok.
    No I have never made him pay a cent my kids my choice to spend money on them as he has the same choice not gonna make a man pay my way for the kids.


    Quote Originally Posted by Happy2be3 View Post
    Why is it SO hard for some of you to believe that yes in some cases mothers do not do what is best for the child.

    I give up. Trying to dicuss Fathers rights around here is pointless. The way you all carry on, a mother can do whatever she wants... But as long as it's in the child's best interests blah blah blah


    Having a Dad IS in the best interest. We have too many broken homes in this country.
    Yeah not gonna get to far with fathers rights around here.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jakois View Post
    I don't know where you are getting your information from (some disgruntled mens website I assume) but you're absolutely full of rot LMF.

    There are no such laws that are coming into effect any time soon, or ever!! What a load of cr@p!

    If your going to post incorrect and sh!t stirring information expect to get slammed for it.
    No there are a politician or two working on changes will they ever happen? not sure but I sure hope they do.

    Quote Originally Posted by faroutbrusselsprout View Post
    I think this section can be for anyone who has had experience in being part of a blended family?
    I think Blissedout's example is absolutely valid and actually really unusual. As I stated in my PP my DH did not follow his son and gave up seeing him as often for what he believed was in his best interests. We all have our own stories about blended/separated families. And all are welcome in this section.
    I don't think she was saying at all what her Dad did was 100% right and all dads should do the same. That's just what he chose to do. I'm sure my DH would have done the same if he hadn't settled, married, worked and was raising another child. Maybe her Dad was able to travel and move without disruptions.
    I also appreciate her honesty in how she can recognise how hard being a step mother is. I had no idea how hard when I took on the position 7 1/2 years ago.
    If I knew now what I knew then, I'd probably say the same as BO!
    I think recognising your limitations is a very powerful thing.
    I love having my SS live so far away. How's that for honesty?? Lol.
    No this section is for step parents, see single mom section isnt for anyone who has been a single mom its for people who are currently single we are reminded of that each time we dont agree with something in there and then get run out.

  3. #123
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    Default Child support

    Quote Originally Posted by lovemyfam View Post
    she just has to keep on them and if there is enough proof she will be caught.



    Not a money making scheme a money saving scheme, since the amount of ftb that are paid to parents directly drops the more money they collect in csa the less money the government is paying out thus saving money and a penny saved is a penny earned.



    Yes he has the option as did the kids. He could at any time seen the kids, had the kids live with him etc. He didnt want it and he gave me all the blessing to move to australia with them because he thought it would be great for them.



    No i have never made him pay a cent my kids my choice to spend money on them as he has the same choice not gonna make a man pay my way for the kids.




    Yeah not gonna get to far with fathers rights around here.



    No there are a politician or two working on changes will they ever happen? Not sure but i sure hope they do.



    No this section is for step parents, see single mom section isnt for anyone who has been a single mom its for people who are currently single we are reminded of that each time we dont agree with something in there and then get run out.
    step parents/blended families!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Blended families??? Experiences OF blended families??

  4. #124
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    wow. It is hard to be part of a blended family.. MY DH has a daughter from a previous relationship. When we purchased our house we bought in an area we never woudl have considered living in ourselves but it was close to his daughter and that was important to us. She lived in our house part time and she and I became very close. When the child support rules changed so that fathers payments could be reduced if the father was spending signifigant time with his children (which we were) her mother moved them far away, along with the 6 other kids she has to different fathers. When my step daughter expressed an interest in living with us her mother started to fill her head with crap saying we didn't want her to live with us and we were not paying for child support for her (which we always have) and creating lots of trouble. Since then we have had a hard time seeing her and her mother tried to manipulate every situation. And while I do agree that parents shoudl pay to support their children in our case we are also supporting others children as many of the other fathers in this picture do not work or are in prison where as my hubby has a decent job. When the mother went back to work last year (full time) DH's CSA payments were reduced by $3 a year (what a joke) as she gets multicase allowance for having so many children. So her income isn't really taken into account. She is married now to a man with no children and makes a tax free fortune in child support payments each month, on top of receiving family tax benefits, education supplements etc which we pay for and can't access ourselves...the system is so wrong...

  5. #125
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    And? A lot of people travel for that amount of time or more in the mornings. I think the issue here is not child support but the fact that the OP's husband doesn't want to put in the hard yards to return to 50/50. I think if it's all too hard, why not just continue with the weekend visits?

    I am really struggling to see the issue here, and this is coming from someone who willingly chose to travel to ensure DS is in the best school rather than plop him in any old school just because it is local.
    Doesnt the OP have other children? Should they jsut put those on the back burner so that they can drive for an hour and a half to get 1 child to school? This would mean picking up the SC and then having the other kids wait at school for an hour and a half waiting for a ride how is this fair to those children? How is not wanting to put your new family out equate to not wanting to put in effort? Seems to me the BM is the one that doesnt want to put in the effort for the child to see the father which studies are coming out at how bad it is for children to not have their father in their lives. So how again is this all in the best interest of the child again?

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  7. #126
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lovemyfam View Post
    Doesnt the OP have other children? Should they jsut put those on the back burner so that they can drive for an hour and a half to get 1 child to school? This would mean picking up the SC and then having the other kids wait at school for an hour and a half waiting for a ride how is this fair to those children? How is not wanting to put your new family out equate to not wanting to put in effort? Seems to me the BM is the one that doesnt want to put in the effort for the child to see the father which studies are coming out at how bad it is for children to not have their father in their lives. So how again is this all in the best interest of the child again?
    Personally I think they should just be happy with weekends if it means less disruption to the child's life.

    As for "new family" yuck, don't even get me started on everything wrong with that!

    there is no alienation here, she moved 40kms away. She doesn't need his consent to move house, much to your dismay.

    show me the studies please.

  8. #127
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    Default Child support

    Quote Originally Posted by Lovemyfam View Post
    Doesnt the OP have other children? Should they jsut put those on the back burner so that they can drive for an hour and a half to get 1 child to school? This would mean picking up the SC and then having the other kids wait at school for an hour and a half waiting for a ride how is this fair to those children? How is not wanting to put your new family out equate to not wanting to put in effort? Seems to me the BM is the one that doesnt want to put in the effort for the child to see the father which studies are coming out at how bad it is for children to not have their father in their lives. So how again is this all in the best interest of the child again?
    No point wasting your opinions, If your going against the grain lol.

    It's difficult for people to be objective if a) they are not the step parent or b) believe the only options are to do exactly what BM dictates or else forget about your kids!!!

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  10. #128
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    I think I get my back up sometimes because I don't see these issues as a step parent issue. It's a control thing, control over the ex and the DH.

    I am not an idiot, I know how to handle my ex. There is no need for my DP to get involved. He doesn't because there are no power battles here.

    If I want to move 40kms away, I will. If my ex wants to, he will. If one of us doesn't want to make the trips to see DS...*shrug* so be it. We have no power over how or where the other lives so long as it's not interstate/overseas...although in my personal situation I would have no issue moving long distance.

  11. #129
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lovemyfam View Post
    Doesnt the OP have other children? Should they jsut put those on the back burner so that they can drive for an hour and a half to get 1 child to school? This would mean picking up the SC and then having the other kids wait at school for an hour and a half waiting for a ride how is this fair to those children? How is not wanting to put your new family out equate to not wanting to put in effort? Seems to me the BM is the one that doesnt want to put in the effort for the child to see the father which studies are coming out at how bad it is for children to not have their father in their lives. So how again is this all in the best interest of the child again?
    So you expect the mother, with full custody and who I'm assuming does by far the bulk of drop off and pick ups, to put the child in a school closest to the father, who only does (again assuming) sporadic pick ups? Surely it's logical to have the child in a school closest to the custodial parent (whether that be dad or mum?) Since we are speaking of best interests of the child, how does it serve them to commute ages every day with the mother so that the occasional picks by the father are shorter?

    The mind boogles lol

    As to the OP, I forgot to add I didn't see that your DH had 50/50 before school. I can understand the lack of contact must be really hard and well done to him he wants to be involved and see his child more I'm not sure I agree with some of your comments, but I also understand, growing up in a blended family that it's hard for you guys too
    Last edited by delirium; 18-11-2012 at 13:12.

  12. #130
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    Lovemyfam I have a question ok. You say there are studies suggesting children are better off having a relationship with their father. The OP's husband's child still has a relationship with dad, as do the vast majority of the children of the single/repartnered mothers you have a go at on a daily basis.

    of all of the posters I have come to know, YOU are the only mother who has gone to the extent of moving your children to ANOTHER COUNTRY away from their biological father.

    so, either you agree not ALL children are better off having a relationship with their father (personally my DS isn't due to his father's questionable behaviours) OR you are a bit of a walking, talking contradiction.

    have you heard the saying about those who live in glass houses? Because you are the only one around here who deliberately hindered children's relationship with their dad by moving overseas with the children. If somebody else said that your automatic response would be to leave the children with the father at any cost.

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