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  1. #111
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    Default Child support

    Quote Originally Posted by Izy View Post
    I'm sorry, but 40 km from the school does not make access difficult unless it's 40 km as the crow flies and double or more by driving.

    If it's not working you do something about care arrangements, not aren't to revert cs payments to what they were when you had half of the parenting expenses in your home.

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    Traffic in peak school times where we live would make a 40km trip take between 1-1.5hrs!!!

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    And? A lot of people travel for that amount of time or more in the mornings. I think the issue here is not child support but the fact that the OP's husband doesn't want to put in the hard yards to return to 50/50. I think if it's all too hard, why not just continue with the weekend visits?

    I am really struggling to see the issue here, and this is coming from someone who willingly chose to travel to ensure DS is in the best school rather than plop him in any old school just because it is local.

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  4. #113
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    Default Child support

    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    And? A lot of people travel for that amount of time or more in the mornings. I think the issue here is not child support but the fact that the OP's husband doesn't want to put in the hard yards to return to 50/50. I think if it's all too hard, why not just continue with the weekend visits?

    I am really struggling to see the issue here, and this is coming from someone who willingly chose to travel to ensure DS is in the best school rather than plop him in any old school just because it is local.
    I think because there is the option of a school in the middle. That amount of traveling time is not something I personally would choose, I guess it comes down to the individual.

  5. #114
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    Default Re: Child support

    And do no children use buses and trains to get to and from school anymore?


    I.agree that you should not have top move, and that it's unfair on any child to have a parent casting judgement and influence like that. It's manipulation and it's wrong.

    I do my best to never say anything negative about ex h and his home/new family etc in front on ds. In fact i try to talk it all up. But i recognise not everyone does the same. If only we could grab these people and make them see that manipulation like that might give you a short term gain, but chances are the child will end up resenting you when they're old enough to see the other side of the story

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    I should add, I am about to move even further away from DS's school. A lot further.

    i will not be making him change schools simply to make it easier for me because I do not want his life disrupted for my convenience. Why should he change schools, lose friends, have a different teacher etc for my ease?

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    Default Child support

    I think what it all comes down to is your Dp and BM can't talk things through like adults. If we couldn't talk things through (sometimes it gets heated but bit often) I would be making dp an BM go to mediation every second I could.
    Last year we lived 5 minutes away from dsd. Dp, BM and I all looked for schools together, we all picked 3 we liked and went to the meetings, the school that she is at now BM didn't even see because she was sick that night. We had made a rule to judge the school by a few certain things and how they would effect dsd. (school is 10mins from BM, has heaps of animals cows pigs chickens veggie gardens worm farms, great sport, catholic school, not as airy fairy as some and not as stict as others just suits dsd SO much) Now 5 months after school was all sorted we brought a house and moved 15 minutes out of town(we didn't ask Bm's permission but we talked about all the aspects of living out there and assured her we would be able to keep up arrangements) It takes me 40 minutes to drop dsd off and 30 on the way home (less traffic, it's horrible at school time)

    We moved less then 1k away from one of the schools I picked to look at, has 50 students, great community etc I'll be sending my kids there in the future. When i drive past the school to drop dsd off I think it would be easier if she went there, but it wouldn't be easier for BM who would have to travels as long as I do more times a week then I do and it would uproot dsd for no real reason other then I don't want to do the drive.

    If we had dsd 50/50 I would leave her at her current school still, if we had more then 50/50 I would have to really think about it. I moved schools once in primary school for being picked on. If she was forced to move for a reason not like this she might be upset and it could damage a good 6months to a year of her schooling life. Not worth It in my eyes.


    A few months back BM said she was thinking about moving about 50ks the other side of us to get away from some stuff that was going on, She didn't ask our permission or anything but we all talked about it. We said our peace - what about her school? (she would change school we would all choose the best one-ok cool) What about access with us?(she Said she would like to drop back one school night a fortnight for the first 6months of school) this was absolute out of the question) Drop offs Can you keep it up (we alternate who picks up and drops off and believe it's an equally shared obligation for what ever amount of access there is) we knew we could keep up with that arrangement but she couldn't long term with the cost of petrol. What happens when you get there and the problems you are running from follow you and you have moved dsd away from people who come and get her when u are stressed which happens regularly.(us, her's and his parents) what are you setting in place to insure the transition is smooth for dsd? Turns out in the end she thought of none of this and just wanted out of the sticky position she has put herself in. But we know her and have a pretty good relationship most of the times. It only gets sucky when she does one of her 'great idea' without talking to us.

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    Default Child support

    Quote Originally Posted by HowCrazyCool View Post
    I think what it all comes down to is your Dp and BM can't talk things through like adults. If we couldn't talk things through (sometimes it gets heated but bit often) I would be making dp an BM go to mediation every second I could.
    Last year we lived 5 minutes away from dsd. Dp, BM and I all looked for schools together, we all picked 3 we liked and went to the meetings, the school that she is at now BM didn't even see because she was sick that night. We had made a rule to judge the school by a few certain things and how they would effect dsd. (school is 10mins from BM, has heaps of animals cows pigs chickens veggie gardens worm farms, great sport, catholic school, not as airy fairy as some and not as stict as others just suits dsd SO much) Now 5 months after school was all sorted we brought a house and moved 15 minutes out of town(we didn't ask Bm's permission but we talked about all the aspects of living out there and assured her we would be able to keep up arrangements) It takes me 40 minutes to drop dsd off and 30 on the way home (less traffic, it's horrible at school time)

    We moved less then 1k away from one of the schools I picked to look at, has 50 students, great community etc I'll be sending my kids there in the future. When i drive past the school to drop dsd off I think it would be easier if she went there, but it wouldn't be easier for BM who would have to travels as long as I do more times a week then I do and it would uproot dsd for no real reason other then I don't want to do the drive.

    If we had dsd 50/50 I would leave her at her current school still, if we had more then 50/50 I would have to really think about it. I moved schools once in primary school for being picked on. If she was forced to move for a reason not like this she might be upset and it could damage a good 6months to a year of her schooling life. Not worth It in my eyes.


    A few months back BM said she was thinking about moving about 50ks the other side of us to get away from some stuff that was going on, She didn't ask our permission or anything but we all talked about it. We said our peace - what about her school? (she would change school we would all choose the best one-ok cool) What about access with us?(she Said she would like to drop back one school night a fortnight for the first 6months of school) this was absolute out of the question) Drop offs Can you keep it up (we alternate who picks up and drops off and believe it's an equally shared obligation for what ever amount of access there is) we knew we could keep up with that arrangement but she couldn't long term with the cost of petrol. What happens when you get there and the problems you are running from follow you and you have moved dsd away from people who come and get her when u are stressed which happens regularly.(us, her's and his parents) what are you setting in place to insure the transition is smooth for dsd? Turns out in the end she thought of none of this and just wanted out of the sticky position she has put herself in. But we know her and have a pretty good relationship most of the times. It only gets sucky when she does one of her 'great idea' without talking to us.
    Your situation sounds pretty good to me, I would love this kind of setup
    Was it always like this? It's definetly a good example of parents still working together!!!

  9. #118
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    Default Child support

    I was thinking the same thing, well done, the child is very fortunate

  10. #119
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    Quote Originally Posted by ourbradybunch View Post
    Your situation sounds pretty good to me, I would love this kind of setup
    Was it always like this? It's definetly a good example of parents still working together!!!
    There of plenty of separated parents out there who have mature, fair and amicable parenting relationships. I know plenty of separated parents who have really good relationships and don't let petty control issues or bitterness get in the way of their children's lives. I mainly read about crappy (or perceived crappy) situations on this forum but we don't hear a lot about the good arrangements where adults work as a team and children thrive. There's always going to be crappy situations - where both sides can't agree and have different ideas about what is best (or are just bitter, immature or controlling)... But that's when I think outside help, mediation is required to give objective advice or help people sort through the difficult issues.

  11. #120
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    Default Child support

    I agree, somebody should start a thread about the good arrangements that they have and how they got to this place, it would be a good read for birth mums and dads plus step parents to read and hopefully give them some heart and light at the end of the tunnel instead of a train! If that's how it's been for them.


 

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