And? A lot of people travel for that amount of time or more in the mornings. I think the issue here is not child support but the fact that the OP's husband doesn't want to put in the hard yards to return to 50/50. I think if it's all too hard, why not just continue with the weekend visits?
I am really struggling to see the issue here, and this is coming from someone who willingly chose to travel to ensure DS is in the best school rather than plop him in any old school just because it is local.
And do no children use buses and trains to get to and from school anymore?
I.agree that you should not have top move, and that it's unfair on any child to have a parent casting judgement and influence like that. It's manipulation and it's wrong.
I do my best to never say anything negative about ex h and his home/new family etc in front on ds. In fact i try to talk it all up. But i recognise not everyone does the same. If only we could grab these people and make them see that manipulation like that might give you a short term gain, but chances are the child will end up resenting you when they're old enough to see the other side of the story
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I should add, I am about to move even further away from DS's school. A lot further.
i will not be making him change schools simply to make it easier for me because I do not want his life disrupted for my convenience. Why should he change schools, lose friends, have a different teacher etc for my ease?
I think what it all comes down to is your Dp and BM can't talk things through like adults. If we couldn't talk things through (sometimes it gets heated but bit often) I would be making dp an BM go to mediation every second I could.
Last year we lived 5 minutes away from dsd. Dp, BM and I all looked for schools together, we all picked 3 we liked and went to the meetings, the school that she is at now BM didn't even see because she was sick that night. We had made a rule to judge the school by a few certain things and how they would effect dsd. (school is 10mins from BM, has heaps of animals cows pigs chickens veggie gardens worm farms, great sport, catholic school, not as airy fairy as some and not as stict as others just suits dsd SO much) Now 5 months after school was all sorted we brought a house and moved 15 minutes out of town(we didn't ask Bm's permission but we talked about all the aspects of living out there and assured her we would be able to keep up arrangements) It takes me 40 minutes to drop dsd off and 30 on the way home (less traffic, it's horrible at school time)
We moved less then 1k away from one of the schools I picked to look at, has 50 students, great community etc I'll be sending my kids there in the future. When i drive past the school to drop dsd off I think it would be easier if she went there, but it wouldn't be easier for BM who would have to travels as long as I do more times a week then I do and it would uproot dsd for no real reason other then I don't want to do the drive.
If we had dsd 50/50 I would leave her at her current school still, if we had more then 50/50 I would have to really think about it. I moved schools once in primary school for being picked on. If she was forced to move for a reason not like this she might be upset and it could damage a good 6months to a year of her schooling life. Not worth It in my eyes.
A few months back BM said she was thinking about moving about 50ks the other side of us to get away from some stuff that was going on, She didn't ask our permission or anything but we all talked about it. We said our peace - what about her school? (she would change school we would all choose the best one-ok cool) What about access with us?(she Said she would like to drop back one school night a fortnight for the first 6months of school) this was absolute out of the question) Drop offs Can you keep it up (we alternate who picks up and drops off and believe it's an equally shared obligation for what ever amount of access there is) we knew we could keep up with that arrangement but she couldn't long term with the cost of petrol. What happens when you get there and the problems you are running from follow you and you have moved dsd away from people who come and get her when u are stressed which happens regularly.(us, her's and his parents) what are you setting in place to insure the transition is smooth for dsd? Turns out in the end she thought of none of this and just wanted out of the sticky position she has put herself in. But we know her and have a pretty good relationship most of the times. It only gets sucky when she does one of her 'great idea' without talking to us.
I was thinking the same thing, well done, the child is very fortunate
I agree, somebody should start a thread about the good arrangements that they have and how they got to this place, it would be a good read for birth mums and dads plus step parents to read and hopefully give them some heart and light at the end of the tunnel instead of a train! If that's how it's been for them.
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