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  1. #101
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    Default Child support

    Quote Originally Posted by HugsBunny View Post
    Hang on, so you think that people should be miserable in an I happy relationship/ situation, teaching the kids that its ok to put up with being unhappy, JUST so that the kids aren't from a broken home?????

    Can I just point out that by your rationale, had the mother NOT up and left your husband, he wouldn't now be YOUR husband!! He would be hers!
    I think the point is that even when a relationship ends in good circumstances its just as important for the child to have their relationship with their father as their mother.

    I have been a child from a broken home, a single mother & now part of a blended family.

    I have seen from a child's point of view what happens when there's a bitter woman preventing a child from having a relationship with a loving father ( that was my situation but all across the world it occurs in reverse ) Myself, sister & brother are the result of this and even now as adults it affects our lives.

    It is generally speaking in the best interests of the child to have a relationship with both mum & dad unless their are mitigating circumstances.

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  3. #102
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    Default Child support

    Quote Originally Posted by Lovemyfam View Post
    GOod new though that they are looking at possibly changing the laws to be no visit no support but we will see how the politicians work that around. The CSA laws are flawed here and there are a lot of groups working to get them to work for the child. Having a child should not then destroy the chance of living a normal life after you and the parent split but here it does make it very hard to financially move on.

    Lets hope these new laws come into effect soon.
    I don't know where you are getting your information from (some disgruntled mens website I assume) but you're absolutely full of rot LMF.

    There are no such laws that are coming into effect any time soon, or ever!! What a load of cr@p!

    If your going to post incorrect and sh!t stirring information expect to get slammed for it.

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  5. #103
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    Default Child support

    Quote Originally Posted by BlissedOut View Post
    I'd never be a step-mother.

    I am far too selfish to ever be in that position.

    -inb4 get out of my section-

    As previously stated, my father moved cities 3 times following us, he threw away relationships, career opportunities. Yes, my mother was horrible for doing it, but he did what he had to. We were there before those relationships and opportunities and we were dependent on him for our well being.
    Well as you have admitted you are a selfish person so I'm assuming you believe 100% that your happiness is the priority? Your father must have had endless amounts of money & job prospects in order to move 3 cities?

    I'm curious does your father get to have happiness, relationships & job opportunities now?

    What would you suggest my husband does, leave me & his other children to follow his other child around everytime her mother moves her? 6 hours this way, 2 hours that way, 3 hours that way, do you seriously 100% believe that is the best option???

    In our circumstances it is not. We stay put & now due to family law court orders the mother stays put. We spent thousands & even when not a lot went in my DH favour we won on that, however we are restricted to every 2nd weekend & half of every holidays, the rest of the time she's in her mothers care & rarely cared for properly.

    This is an area for STEP PARENTS & BLENDED FAMILIES, advice from non single mothers is NOT appreciated in the single parents section as non single mothers don't understand the delicate nature of being a single parent, well guess what if you ARE NOT a part of a blended family you do not UNDERSTAND the delicate nature of our circumstances & seriously you would want to hope that in the event your ex dares be selfish enough to move on, remarry or have more children that they move on with a non selfish woman who loves your child & wants your child to remain a part of her estranged fathers family!!!

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  7. #104
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    Default Child support

    Quote Originally Posted by ourbradybunch View Post
    Well as you have admitted you are a selfish person so I'm assuming you believe 100% that your happiness is the priority? Your father must have had endless amounts of money & job prospects in order to move 3 cities?

    I'm curious does your father get to have happiness, relationships & job opportunities now?

    What would you suggest my husband does, leave me & his other children to follow his other child around everytime her mother moves her? 6 hours this way, 2 hours that way, 3 hours that way, do you seriously 100% believe that is the best option???

    In our circumstances it is not. We stay put & now due to family law court orders the mother stays put. We spent thousands & even when not a lot went in my DH favour we won on that, however we are restricted to every 2nd weekend & half of every holidays, the rest of the time she's in her mothers care & rarely cared for properly.

    This is an area for STEP PARENTS & BLENDED FAMILIES, advice from non single mothers is NOT appreciated in the single parents section as non single mothers don't understand the delicate nature of being a single parent, well guess what if you ARE NOT a part of a blended family you do not UNDERSTAND the delicate nature of our circumstances & seriously you would want to hope that in the event your ex dares be selfish enough to move on, remarry or have more children that they move on with a non selfish woman who loves your child & wants your child to remain a part of her estranged fathers family!!!
    I think this section can be for anyone who has had experience in being part of a blended family?
    I think Blissedout's example is absolutely valid and actually really unusual. As I stated in my PP my DH did not follow his son and gave up seeing him as often for what he believed was in his best interests. We all have our own stories about blended/separated families. And all are welcome in this section.
    I don't think she was saying at all what her Dad did was 100% right and all dads should do the same. That's just what he chose to do. I'm sure my DH would have done the same if he hadn't settled, married, worked and was raising another child. Maybe her Dad was able to travel and move without disruptions.
    I also appreciate her honesty in how she can recognise how hard being a step mother is. I had no idea how hard when I took on the position 7 1/2 years ago.
    If I knew now what I knew then, I'd probably say the same as BO!
    I think recognising your limitations is a very powerful thing.
    I love having my SS live so far away. How's that for honesty?? Lol.
    Last edited by faroutbrusselsprout; 18-11-2012 at 06:47.

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  9. #105
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    Default Re: Child support

    Quote Originally Posted by ourbradybunch View Post
    I think the point is that even when a relationship ends in good circumstances its just as important for the child to have their relationship with their father as their mother.

    I have been a child from a broken home, a single mother & now part of a blended family.

    I have seen from a child's point of view what happens when there's a bitter woman preventing a child from having a relationship with a loving father ( that was my situation but all across the world it occurs in reverse ) Myself, sister & brother are the result of this and even now as adults it affects our lives.

    It is generally speaking in the best interests of the child to have a relationship with both mum & dad unless their are mitigating circumstances.

    Thank you, thank you! You just typed what I couldn't be bothered trying to explain my tapping it all out on my phone.

  10. #106
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    Default Child support

    Quote Originally Posted by faroutbrusselsprout View Post
    I think this section can be for anyone who has had experience in being part of a blended family?
    I think Blissedout's example is absolutely valid and actually really unusual. As I stated in my PP my DH did not follow his son and gave up seeing him as often for what he believed was in his best interests. We all have our own stories about blended/separated families. And all are welcome in this section.
    I don't think she was saying at all what her Dad did was 100% right and all dads should do the same. That's just what he chose to do. I'm sure my DH would have done the same if he hadn't settled, married, worked and was raising another child. Maybe her Dad was able to travel and move without disruptions.
    I also appreciate her honesty in how she can recognise how hard being a step mother is. I had no idea how hard when I took on the position 7 1/2 years ago.
    If I knew now what I knew then, I'd probably say the same as BO!
    I think recognising your limitations is a very powerful thing.
    I love having my SS live so far away. How's that for honesty?? Lol.
    Step parents come to this section looking for solutions not advice like do whatever the BM wants or go where she goes or the alternative advice of forget about your child!!!

  11. #107
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    So because the OP's husband's ex moved forty minutes away we are talking of alienated parents and mothers 'taking away children'. Good GRIEF!!!

    If I ever move a few suburbs over I will NOT be seeking permission from my ex. No way, no how. He does not control me nor my life any more. I can move 40 minutes away if I choose to, he will not be telling me where to live. I have lived with him and had every move controlled, from how much I weigh, to what I wear. He does not have that power any more.

    As for child support, no it should not be lessened because a parent has exercised their right and moved house.

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  13. #108
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    I think it is unreasonable for an ex to be able to stop you having a life and moving house. The non custodial parent can move where ever they want and the custodial parent has absolutely no say what so ever.

    In my case...my ex moved overseas for the first few years of DS's life. While he was gone, i moved inter state. So, when he came back to Australia...he either moved to where i was or had limited visits.

    He stay where I was for about 6 months and then moved interstate for another 2 years.

    Now, he is back and living about 20 minutes away.

    By your theory, now he is back...he should have control of where I live. Not bloody likely.

    DS is 8, and when he goes to highschool we will more than likely move house so we are closer to a highschool that will suit him (he needs a specialist school) and where my ex lives will have no bearing on it what so ever.


    there are lots and lots of things that help people decide where the best place is for them to live and an ex husband or wife should not have control over that and have the right to not support their child based on that.

    I see having to leave home early (ie 8am as you said) is not much of a sacrifice to have care of your child. I leave earlier than that most days when i have to do the childcare/school/uni run...so 40 minutes should not really impede visits.

    As for highschool...if it were me...i would be paying attention to what the child needs for a school and researching to see if there is a good one part way between where you are living or if there is a good public transport option from your home to the school the bio mum has chosen (it may well be a school that would be best suited to the child).

    Most problems have solutions.

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    Default Re: Child support

    I'm sorry, but 40 km from the school does not make access difficult unless it's 40 km as the crow flies and double or more by driving.

    If it's not working you do something about care arrangements, not aren't to revert cs payments to what they were when you had half of the parenting expenses in your home.

    Sent from my GT-I9100 using BubHub

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  17. #110
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    Default Child support

    Quote Originally Posted by River Song View Post
    I think it is unreasonable for an ex to be able to stop you having a life and moving house. The non custodial parent can move where ever they want and the custodial parent has absolutely no say what so ever.

    In my case...my ex moved overseas for the first few years of DS's life. While he was gone, i moved inter state. So, when he came back to Australia...he either moved to where i was or had limited visits.

    He stay where I was for about 6 months and then moved interstate for another 2 years.

    Now, he is back and living about 20 minutes away.

    By your theory, now he is back...he should have control of where I live. Not bloody likely.

    DS is 8, and when he goes to highschool we will more than likely move house so we are closer to a highschool that will suit him (he needs a specialist school) and where my ex lives will have no bearing on it what so ever.


    there are lots and lots of things that help people decide where the best place is for them to live and an ex husband or wife should not have control over that and have the right to not support their child based on that.

    I see having to leave home early (ie 8am as you said) is not much of a sacrifice to have care of your child. I leave earlier than that most days when i have to do the childcare/school/uni run...so 40 minutes should not really impede visits.

    As for highschool...if it were me...i would be paying attention to what the child needs for a school and researching to see if there is a good one part way between where you are living or if there is a good public transport option from your home to the school the bio mum has chosen (it may well be a school that would be best suited to the child).

    Most problems have solutions.
    I understand your situation is different with bio dad being in & out of the picture. My understanding Is that for OP the dad is an involved parent & up until the child started school had 50/50 care. At this point the mother chose schooling & is continuing to choose schooling closer to where she lives meaning if the father excercises his rights the child is traveling an hour each way for school.

    Me personally I would prefer my child not spend such time traveling to & from school if I could prevent it by choosing a school more in the middle.

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