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  1. #1
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    Default Learning to be a new person is hard - Week 4, Day 2 - Blog 37

    I've written and re-written this blog in my head over and over today trying to decide how much to say. Basically, something happened today with a friend of mine that in the past would've sent me searching immediately for a frozen lasagna, a big bowl of ice cream and some chocolate to boot. In short, I felt like crap. Utter crap.

    After hitting what I thought was my lowest point last week, this really threw me for a loop. While I'm still sad about it, I went about my business today with my day off work. I did Rush in the morning, I ate healthy despite what had happened and eventually I put on Exhilarate in the afternoon. Unlike yesterday, by about the second song in, I was giving it my all, it really is my favourite workout. I had phoned in Rush this morning but I decided that I need to get myself in control. I need to stop letting external sources affect me and continue on with becoming the person that I want to be and not the person that I have been.

    Today was a challenge. It was a challenge not to seek comfort in food to deal with my emotions and it was a challenge to release my involvement in that particular situation even though it's killing a part of me to do so.

    I handled it as best as I could and even though I'm writing this with tears ********* down my face, I feel proud of myself. I seem to be breaking some of that cycle of feel crap, eat crap, feel crap that I've been stuck in for the last decade and that fact my friends, is not at all a cause for tears.
    Last edited by Apple iPhart6; 16-11-2012 at 13:33.

  2. #2
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    It is very hard and you have done it very well. Just keep moving forward one step at a time. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, I am here.

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    Default Learning to be a new person is hard - Week 4, Day 2 - Blog 37

    Hugs!

    You are right to feel proud! That is an amazing effort!

    And if you need to cry it out, then do that too! Let yourself have those moments so that you can move past them!

    I hope you know you really are an inspiration! x

  4. #4
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    Thank you so much, guys. The support that I've gotten from everyone in this challenge has been so phenomenal. It's weird for you guys to be calling me an inspiration when I feel like you're the ones who are inspiring me to do better. I never would've added a second workout to my days if someone else hadn't suggested it first. Reading everyone's posts and the comments on mine are what's keeping me strong.

    As for the rest of it, I'm trying to consciously make better choices. I could've dealt with my emotional day by eating crap but I chose to eat healthy and exercise. Eating crap would've only made me feel worse. I really and truly want to be a healthier person and this challenge is a stepping stone to that, I'm actually able to look into the future now where I can see myself being healthier. In the past I've honestly said "I can never imagine being skinny and being happy with my body" whereas now I feel like I have an opportunity to get there. The more I think about it, the prouder I am of my behaviour today, I really am learning to become a new person.
    Last edited by Apple iPhart6; 15-11-2012 at 22:21.

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    Default Learning to be a new person is hard - Week 4, Day 2 - Blog 37

    Hugs for you GQ. A while ago i read in a book that noone offends us without our permission. We CHOOSE to be offended by someone so can instead choose NOT to be. It certainly doesn't feel that easy at the time but by stepping up and taking control and ownership of our feelings, rather than what many of us (me included) do and blame others for "making us" feel bad we can empower ourselves, take back the control and move forwards. I try to avoid spending time with people that are "emotional vampires" that suck out my positive energy or people that seem to bring out my negative traits and instead try to surround myself with uplifting people, music and books as much as possible.
    I hope that if u want to resolve the situation with your friend that it works out well but also that you don't feel bad if you decide to put yourself first and cut ties. Xx

  6. #6
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    London is offline “I think we're losing our sense of humor instead of being able to relax and laugh at ourselves" - Betty White
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    SpecialPatrolGroup is offline T-rex is cranky until she gets her coffee.
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    You deserve to feel proud that you didn't punish yourself by giving in to a fleeting want which would have only taken you further away from your dream.

    Big to you, hope things are looking up soon.

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    Default Learning to be a new person is hard - Week 4, Day 2 - Blog 37

    Thanks so much, guys. I really need it. I'm feeling okay this morning, fragile but okay. I'm still hurting from yesterday but hopefully the situation will resolve itself over time. I just need to let it be, something that I've learnt to do in the past in other friendships when there's been issues but it's so hard to do when everything inside me is terrified that I'm going to lose my friend.

    I have such wonderful friends, I really do and I have tried those friendships majorly over the last eight months. People have stuck by me while I've been angry at the world and trust me, I'm sure it's been hard for them. Even recently there have been times when it's felt like I'm still pushing people away (those who read this forum and have been on the receiving end of this will know what I'm talking about!).

    You know that saying about how some people are only in your lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime? Well last night I accepted that if I lose this particular friendship, it'll be because they were only in my life for a reason. They came into my life when I was at my lowest this year and the friendship lasted through to the day I'd been dreading of my due date. I'll be devastated if our friendship is over but if it is, I can accept that too and indeed I'll have no choice.

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    Default Learning to be a new person is hard - Week 4, Day 2 - Blog 37

    Massive hugs. Your attitude is fantastic GQ. You're doing so so well! P.S every time I think of coming on here to check the blogs, I inevitably get to thinking if you and then I get 'you remind me of the babe' stuck in my head lol. I've been singing it ALOT lately!

  10. #10
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    Default Learning to be a new person is hard - Week 4, Day 2 - Blog 37

    Awwww, thanks hun.

    ROFL! It's my favourite movie! David Bowie is so epic in it.


 

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