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  1. #1
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    Default Do you say anything if you disagree with friends parenting?

    I really don't mean to be controversial and am not trying to offend anyone, but was just wondering if you would ever say anything to a friend about their parenting decisions. I don't mean just criticize over trivial little matters, but if you actually think they might need a different perspective for the best interests of the child?

    In my specific case I have a friend with 4 children, the youngest is old enough to have started kindy this year but my friend is a SAHM and I guess finding it difficult to accept that her youngest is growing up so decided not to send her to kindy but rather keep her at home. I am sympethetic to her and understand it must be difficult for her.

    She told me the other day she had decided not to send her youngest to prep next year either because it's not mandatory and she'd rather just have her at home. She wasn't really looking for my opinion, just general chatting so I didn't really comment, just changed topic, however I feel like she's making a mistake.

    Her youngest is a bright child, probably because she has three older siblings, and she knows her numbers and letters and basic addition and can identify small words. To my friend this means she wouldn't really be missing out on much. The thing is this little girl is not very well socialised. She's babied a lot at home and can get away with tantrums etc. she has a very hard time sharing or when others get attention. She rarely will do as she's told and finds it very hard to be away from her mum. I really worry that she will have a tough time at school and I think missing out on the socialization of Kindy and Prep will only make it harder for her.

    I don't want to criticize my friend, I just really care about her and her children and think maybe my friends fear of her children becoming independent and her needing to find a new role for herself apart fom full time SAHM is clouding her judgement.

    Would you say something or leave it and let her do what suits her?

  2. #2
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    I would normally just discuss it to get her thinking. Not critize, just talk. State why you would send your child and the benifits but also talk about her pont of view.
    "I would send my kid because xyz but of course being your youngest I understand your reason" that sort of thing lol

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    I wouldn't say anything. I don't think it's my place to offer unsolicited advice to other parents. The parent knows their child best. The only exception would be in the case of imminent physical danger.

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    Default Re: Do you say anything if you disagree with friends parenting?

    When it comes down to it its her child and if it isnt manditory thats her choice.. I can understand where youre coming from but as the mother she will have to learn these things herself.

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    Default Re: Do you say anything if you disagree with friends parenting?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cleigh View Post
    I would normally just discuss it to get her thinking. Not critize, just talk. State why you would send your child and the benifits but also talk about her pont of view.
    "I would send my kid because xyz but of course being your youngest I understand your reason" that sort of thing lol
    ^ this

    We had a mum at our school who was the same. One of the teachers pointed out to her that by not going to the early years of school they miss out on 2 years of socialisation and friend making. When all the child eventually goes to school they will probably have trouble fitting in. By the time they finish kindy they need to know the alphabet and basic sight words. They also get taught computer skills as well. but as of next year(I think) kindy and pre primary(WA) are being made compulsory anyway.

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    Default Re: Do you say anything if you disagree with friends parenting?

    I have a friend like this that doesnt want to send her kids to kindy. I just mentioned how much my DD is enjoying playgroup and left it at that. Her choice and not any of my business

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    Default Do you say anything if you disagree with friends parenting?

    I would usually comment with what you said in your question ie socialization is important etc. the only thing is in your friends case she can say that as this child has so many siblings she already gets a hefty dose of socialization. I always believe you should air your concerns (at least you tried) but don't be upset or offended if your concerns are rejected.

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    It depends on the situation as to whether i would say something, if i felt the child was in danger then i would speak up (like if i noticed a friend wasn't following safe sleeping practices with a baby for example), if it is just something that i personally don't like then i would keep my opinion to myself.

    In this instance i think i would just stay out of it, even though i don't agree with it it is the parents choice as it is not mandatory. If it is brought up in conversation again you could try keeping the topic going by asking questions like 'Oh i didn't realise it wasn't mandatory, wouldn't be good for preparing for school though?' etc, maybe by having a discussion about it she might start to re-think it a bit. Ultimately though i think is best to stay out of it.

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    In that instance, I don't feel it would be my place to say anything. She's not causing any harm and it's a valid choice.

    I am very non-confrontational and, thinking back, I really should have said something to one of my friends regarding her parenting, but this included leaving a 2 yo unsupervised for large periods of the day outside or in her bedroom with a large screen TV. Not simply holding her back from kindy.

    Re socialisation, she will be socialised when she goes to school. Won't make a difference IMO if it's now or in 12 months.

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    I wouldnt say anything in this instance. However i dont see any harm if you ask her why and in a non confrontational way and see how things go from there.


 

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