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  1. #71
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kirby star View Post
    So are people who are / were single parents ment to just say oh yes it is SO unfair of your ex to offer to PAY for an activity that he thinks your ds would like?
    The op has openly admited she doesn't WANT her child to do it because SHE doesn't like the sport and thus doesn't want to take him,

    I have been in the situation where my every decision was controlled by my then dp, i mean really controlled not just having him offer to pay for an activity for our son,

    He saw his ds 6 hours a week and would say i will be over on x day and so we would stay home and he would not show,

    My then ex showed very little interest in being involved or supporting our ds.

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    Well then you would be in a great position to offer some suggestions or advice to the op. People who have never been single parents coming in here saying things like "at least he takes an interest in your kid" and "you have deep-seated problems with your ex" are really really unhelpful and just demonstrate the sorts of crap single mothers have to deal with on a daily basis.

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  3. #72
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    Default Re: What to do in this case???

    Sorry to be intruding in the single parents section, but I have an idea for the OP.
    Could you talk to your ex about doing a multi sport group instead of auskick? There are several companies that do multiple sports in the one program, all designed for littlies to try out numerous sports.
    This way he'll try AFL but also other sports like soccer, netball, basketball, athletics, etc. They are also only one session a week, so don't have to invade on your weekend time.

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  4. #73
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    OP - I'm not really sure why you started this thread as it seems you had already made your mind up to begin with and seem quite set on your opinions.

    I gave my opinion a few pages back - ask you child what he wants to do etc. but to those people who think its selfish to not do what the other parents want, that is an extremely ignorant viewpoint. Assuming single parents who don't honour the other paren's wishes are just bitter, is pathetic. I consider DS's dads wishes but there's no way I would ever take commands from him from a distance. I will always do what's best for DS and will consider his own thoughts and feelings, but as the main parent who does all the hard stuff, as the parent who is raising him, I will do what suits me thank you very much.

    Everyone's situation is different - if you have 50/50 custody then you presumably have 50/50 say, taking into consideration what the child wants. If there is an agreed custody arrangement then there should also be give and take to a more or less equal extent. But if the ex ****es off and leaves you to do it all, then they have no right to make requests and expect you to honour them!

    By the way, if a single parent is bitter, there's usually a good reason for that! Taking it out on/involving the children is not ok but venting it out on an adult forum is fine, and can actually help people a lot, so until you're in that situation and can understand, bugger off!

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  6. #74
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    There are 2 issues here IMO.

    The first? You don't want him to play AFL. I believe this is perfectly valid and while plenty of parents wouldn't agree with this stance, it's your decision to make as a parent. You decide what is a reasonable activity for your child, and what isn't. All parents do it. You may be drawing your line in a different spot to others, but I actually wouldn't want any of my children playing football either. I don't think the football culture is a good one, and I don't like the sport itself either for a variety of reasons.

    The second issue? You'd rather slack off than take your child to do something they want to do. That's where I assume most people are getting irritated. I get that being in bed/doing nothing is much more appealing than getting up early on a Saturday morning to go to some cold sporting ground and shiver while watching your kid play. The thing is though, he can only ever participate in sports if you're willing to take him there. He can't just go on his own. I think there comes a time when you have to just suck it up and do it for the sake of your children. Have a nap later in the day if it's sleep you're wanting, and if it's just relaxation at home, the game doesn't take very long so you'll still have the rest of the day free.

    I have the feeling that you're more annoyed about having to get up and go than the sport itself. I suspect that even if the sport was something you were happy with, you'd say no so you didn't have to take him... and I expect that I'm not the only one getting this impression...

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    wow - this thread is all over the place!

    I was going to suggest just not taking him and saying that you did

    BUT - if you don't want to take him, then that's ok. Your DS has no interest in it. You have no interest in it. And while we do have to do things for our children that we don't always like, I think we should be able to say "no" sometimes.

    We are mothers to our children, not martyrs to our children.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mrsdj1234 View Post
    Sorry to be intruding in the single parents section, but I have an idea for the OP.
    Could you talk to your ex about doing a multi sport group instead of auskick? There are several companies that do multiple sports in the one program, all designed for littlies to try out numerous sports.
    This way he'll try AFL but also other sports like soccer, netball, basketball, athletics, etc. They are also only one session a week, so don't have to invade on your weekend time.

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    That's actually a really good suggestion. I'll have to remember that when my little one is ready for that sort of stuff hah.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackEyedPea View Post
    OP - I'm not really sure why you started this thread as it seems you had already made your mind up to begin with and seem quite set on your opinions.

    I gave my opinion a few pages back - ask you child what he wants to do etc. but to those people who think its selfish to not do what the other parents want, that is an extremely ignorant viewpoint. Assuming single parents who don't honour the other paren's wishes are just bitter, is pathetic. I consider DS's dads wishes but there's no way I would ever take commands from him from a distance. I will always do what's best for DS and will consider his own thoughts and feelings, but as the main parent who does all the hard stuff, as the parent who is raising him, I will do what suits me thank you very much.

    Everyone's situation is different - if you have 50/50 custody then you presumably have 50/50 say, taking into consideration what the child wants. If there is an agreed custody arrangement then there should also be give and take to a more or less equal extent. But if the ex ****es off and leaves you to do it all, then they have no right to make requests and expect you to honour them!

    By the way, if a single parent is bitter, there's usually a good reason for that! Taking it out on/involving the children is not ok but venting it out on an adult forum is fine, and can actually help people a lot, so until you're in that situation and can understand, bugger off!
    If the issue is she doesn't believe AFL is a good sport for her son to play because of xyz (too much time, money, sport is too rough, etc etc) that's perfectly fine. The reason she's given is that she can't be bothered using her time to take him to it and wants him to only do what she likes.

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    Default Re: What to do in this case???

    Not a single mum - I have very little interest in sports like afl, rugby etc... so either my df would take them OR if they begged to go. Not if my Df decided that's what sport he should play.

    Not that it matters as jasper will be a pro basketballer (jk)

    And honestly I don't know how single parents manage to get through each 24 hour period let alone someone else also deciding how they spend their time.

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    Last edited by Boobycino; 14-11-2012 at 09:48.

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  13. #79
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hollywood View Post
    You sound very confident and sure about your decision, I really really don't understand why you even felt the need to start the tread
    Just to see if I have a right to say no I guess. But people dont care what I have to say unless they can be nasty and attack.

  14. #80
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    She's not a single parent as she has a new partner!
    Just taking issue with this.
    I am repartnered but I still post in the single parent section because I believe that I have experience in dealing with a parent who is no longer my partner. So while I might not be currently 'single', I do have single parent knowledge.

    This thread has nothing to do with being repartnered or single....its about how to say something to the FOB who she is no longer with, therefor it is something single parents (or parents who are no longer with FOB/MOB) can help with. For people who are still with their childrens FOB/MOB to post is slightly off because they have no idea what it is like to have to handle the situation with a child that goes back and forth between parents. THATS the problem with them posting in a single parent section.

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