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  1. #1
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    Default DH and I have different views on BF...

    DD was breastfed for 3 months - we had all kinds of issues with feeding (I had an ongoing thread on here which was great support at the time!) and it was easily the most stressful time of my life. DD barely gained any weight, had shocking reflux, didn't latch properly and wouldn't suck well, I consequently struggled with supply so was on the pump constantly with a screaming baby, PND... You get the idea!

    So we're TTC #2 and DH has said in no uncertain terms that if BF doesn't work straight away he'll be putting the baby on bottles. He says I have no choice in the matter, he won't put another child through what DD went through in those 3 months.

    I totally see his point as it was truly horrible, but I really want to try BF again next time and I know I'll need support. If he's hovering over me with bottles and formula it'll stress me out no end!

    We have time to think about as I'm not even pregnant yet, but does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this?

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    Default Re: DH and I have different views on BF...

    Could you put together like a breast feeding plan together, or to show to dh, so including normal newborn behaviour and reasonable expectations about weight gain, the possibility of bottle feeding and still having reflux and pnd.

    That him hovering with bottles does not support you, but also if you have a *plan* like a birth plan, it's not a step by step but more a bundle of information, contacts for an LC, GP etc and an understanding of where you both agree it's time to give bottles and when you keep going. Because then if you are within your plan he has to then agree to be supportive, bring you water and food, take the load off you with your eldest. My Df used to take jasper out for hours every Saturday & Sunday so katelyn and I just laid in bed breastfeeding lazily and snoozing. So I'd include things like that in the plan.

    So hopefully takes the pressure off him from feeling like he has to swoop in and "save" his baby.

    That's just what I'd do... and what I think would work for my Df.

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    Last edited by Boobycino; 13-11-2012 at 08:31.

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    Default DH and I have different views on BF...

    Agree with Boobycino.

    I had the same experience as you so I feel your pain. I'm thinking of seeing a counselor before I get pregnant again as I am terrified of even attempting to BF again, even though I want to try.

    Your DH sounds like he is just very worried about putting you both through such a traumatic time again. My approach (hopefully) will be to literally take each feed as it comes, and not be afraid of giving formula like I was last time (since my son is on formula and thriving). Hopefully I can reach a month, three months, six month, who knows!

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    Default DH and I have different views on BF...

    I think a plan is a good idea, DH will probably agree to that. I do think he's scared of what will happen next time as it was such a hard time for all of us. I have already spoken to a good LC and she wants me to see her during my pregnancy to start talking about ways to improve my chances of success. I will certainly know a lot more going in to it next time so hoping DH and I don't ever have to have that discussion anyway.

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    hello cue, i would also suggest for you to attend some ABA meetings in your neighbourhood, if that is possible. Get to know other mums in person, and perhaps have a little network of support ready to go once bub arrives. Remember, breastfeeding is a learned skill, it is not something that just comes naturally to everyone, mum and baby both have to learn what works best. It is common for there to be problems for the first 6 weeks or so, so give yourself and bub plenty of time to get established. Perhaps some info from the ABA for your hubby might be needed to set his mind at rest too. And congrats on making the bf last for three months, I remember your past thread, and I admire your strength and stamina to keep going. all the best for the next bub. Marie.

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    Default DH and I have different views on BF...

    Quote Originally Posted by SuperGranny View Post
    hello cue, i would also suggest for you to attend some ABA meetings in your neighbourhood, if that is possible. Get to know other mums in person, and perhaps have a little network of support ready to go once bub arrives. Remember, breastfeeding is a learned skill, it is not something that just comes naturally to everyone, mum and baby both have to learn what works best. It is common for there to be problems for the first 6 weeks or so, so give yourself and bub plenty of time to get established. Perhaps some info from the ABA for your hubby might be needed to set his mind at rest too. And congrats on making the bf last for three months, I remember your past thread, and I admire your strength and stamina to keep going. all the best for the next bub. Marie.
    Wow I can't believe you remember that thread, it feels like a lifetime ago in some ways! I might look into the ABA but I don't want to surround myself with too many different opinions and conflicting advice as that made things a lot worse last time. I trust my LC, she's very practical and has many years of experience so I'll probably lean on her a lot.

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    During a second pregnancy your breast tissue continues to grow, and as an experienced mum who has battled through breastfeeding issues you are more skilled than you realise. Every baby is different, and every birth impacts on that baby and you differently. It will probably be plain sailing, but a plan is an excellent idea.

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    Default DH and I have different views on BF...

    I second booby's plan. My DH took dd2 out every afternoon/early evening so I could focus on cluster feeding for dd2.

    Btw cue - you didn't fail your baby or bf! Your baby has CMPI and needed the formula. You can bf, milk does come out of you but it didn't suit your baby. It's not your fault and you worked bloody hard.

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    I feel like your post is mine as I had so many problems breast feeding my first DS 2 1/2 years ago. He just had bad latching, I had all these milk blisters on the nipple and nipple shields didn't help I was depressed as I couldn't do it and gave up after 3 months as he wasn't putting on weight and I just expressed till 5 months. My DH didn't get involved though and it was my thing that I went through. You had the added pain of the awful reflux that I didn't but my baby was lactose intolerant so I had to watch what I ate etc.

    With my 2nd DS who is almost 1 years old next week, its a completely different experience and I have had no problems at all besides odd biting here an there etc. I have never given him formula and he is on the 80th percentile in weight. No one is more surprised than me, I love breast feeding and will be sad to give it up soon. I can't believe my two kids could give me such a different experience on breast feeding.

    What I'm trying to say is that there is no harm in trying again with breast feeding and I hope you have a completely different experience like I did to your first child. Best of luck.

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    Default DH and I have different views on BF...

    Thanks everyone. DH and I discussed it again and he wants to support me but is worried about me struggling again and having an unwell baby. I think with some prep work we'll be ok - we've already both said we'll go back to marriage counselling when I'm pregnant again to prepare so that will help too.


 

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