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  1. #1
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    Default AP and discipline

    Hi, I just wanted to ask AP'ers how they discipline their children. If your two year old threw a toy and you've asked them not to through toys and they continue what is the next step for you? What do you do when siblings fight and hit one another over toys etc? I have two boys (3.5yrs old and 20mths old) and am just sick of the squabbles and me raising my voice at them. Please help!
    I feel like I was a great mother to my baby's but as they reach round two my confidence drops as I don't know where to start with the boundaries.

  2. #2
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    Have you come across the aha parenting website. It's an amazing resource that I can't recommend highly enough

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    I confiscate the toy.

  4. #4
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    OJandMe is offline I am the strength my children will have.
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    It is a CONSTANT battle in our house.

    We have family values written up on our wall.

    So for your examples...

    If one of the kids throws a toy I say "That was destructive and not gentle. In our family respect our things and are gentle. Go and pick it up and put it away." And if they don't then I say "We throw things outside, not inside. I am putting this toy away. You can go outside to throw." and then I ask them what kind of things they can throw outside (balls, frisbees, water bombs, paper plans, etc etc) and send them off to do that.

    If they threw something out of anger I acknowledge that they are angry but that is it not okay to be destructive or aggressive. And they have to put it away.

    When the boys are fighting, I separate them and tell them- Your home is a place you are safe. We must keep each other safe. He is your brother and you love him, be gentle. Say sorry and give him a hug.

    Then I ask them if they can play nicely, or if they need to play by themselves for a while.

    THAT is for my little boys (5, 4, 2)

    for My big boys it's different. I have the family values written in their bedroom. And still do the : "that was aggressive/destructive/impolite/not helpful/disrespectful, in our family we are considerate/courteous/respectful/generous/helpful/polite etc" and then I tell them to take themselves away from the rest of us until they can behave like a member of this family and to think of a way to 'make it up'.

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    Throwing, hitting, grabbing, pushing etc are all extreme no no's in this house. The first time he does it, I generally sit him down and have a chat to him about why he must never ever do that, or explain sharing etc, and warn him about what will happen if he does it again. (ie. toy confiscated, go to room etc). If it's done again whatever I warned would happen happens. If he hurts his sister, he must ALWAYS apologise and kiss it better, and then offer her a toy to play with to make her feel better.

    This is my 3 year old boy by the way. My 15 months old girl I mostly just re-direct at this stage, she doesn't ever have to go to her room or anything like that, but if she pulls Haydens hair or something like that, she needs to kiss it better and give him a cuddle. She mostly learns through me disciplining him!
    Last edited by CazHazKidz; 12-11-2012 at 13:41.

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    Default AP and discipline

    I need to know some ways for miss 21mo.
    I just can't take the the screaming..

    She thinks time out is a game and taking toys away just seems to become a bigger screaming match.
    If I try to talk to her about it she just gets annoyed and bites or harms herself.
    Food will get thrown, the dogs are constantly being Hurt (2 small lap dogs) she will tell us to go away, hit us when she is angry..
    She has always been like this.
    I don't know what to do.. I need consistency but I just don't know how to handle it or what way to go.
    She doesn't seem to have a big understanding of things.. But she knows when she is doing something that will upset me as she finds it funny ahh I can't explain it but its making me feel like a real failure..

    I don't agree with smacking, I don't want her to fear us, and I know it wouldn't work for her as a form of discipline anyway..

    I'm lost!!
    Last edited by Liddybugs; 12-11-2012 at 14:05.

  7. #7
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    Thankyou for your replies!
    Missie_mack: I Know there isn't an AP specific approach to discipline, however, I also knew noone would suggest smacking or naughty spot/corner. Thankyou for sharing your approach.
    It takes strength for me to keep my cool when my two boys are fighting or hurting one another or being cheeky (Mr 3 yr old) and I appreicate OJandMe and CazHazKids sharing what they do. I hate raising my voice at them and it seems to be happening more and more, hence my plea for help! Your shared experiences will hopefully give me a platform from where to launch.

    Rachell: I feel your pain! As I opened this thread I have no parental qualification to suggest any pathway for you to tread. It annoys me aswell when they think it is funny. I wish you a great deal of strength and luck. I think we both need it!

  8. #8
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    I would love any suggestions about how to gently discipline my 21mo (Evie) from those of you who have survived this age. She has always been an easy bub but in the past two weeks she has started getting cheeky and pushing boundaries. For example, if we are out somewhere she will try to pull her hand from mine and run off or else if we are in a shop and I am not holding her hand, if she picks something up instead of putting it back when I ask like she did previously, she will run off with it and laugh. She has also started dropping on to the ground if she doesn't want to go somewhere (no screaming though, thank dog!) I resorted to buying one of those backpacks with the tether on it today because I was getting so stressed trying to shop with her and my 3 mo (Ethan). If I am doing an extended outing I put them both in the stroller but for short trips it is easier to pop bub in the carrier and have Evie walk. The other thing is that she keeps taking Ethan's dummy (usually just as he falls asleep and therefore waking him up). I hold her hands, get down to her level and say a firm NO but she just laughs and does it again. This morning I swatted her hand as she went to take it for the zillionth time and she smacked me back, then hit him on the head! Woops!!! Kinda hard for me to say "Don't hit your brother" when I just did it to her

    So, any suggestions on techniques to try??

  9. #9
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    [QUOTE=OJandMe;6902982]It is a CONSTANT battle in our house. We have family values written up on our wall.So for your examples... If one of the kids throws a toy I say "That was destructive and not gentle. In our family respect our things and are gentle. Go and pick it up and put it away." And if they don't then I say "We throw things outside, not inside. I am putting this toy away. You can go outside to throw." and then I ask them what kind of things they can throw outside (balls, frisbees, water bombs, paper plans, etc etc) and send them off to do that. If they threw something out of anger I acknowledge that they are angry but that is it not okay to be destructive or aggressive. And they have to put it away. When the boys are fighting, I separate them and tell them- Your home is a place you are safe. We must keep each other safe. He is your brother and you love him, be gentle. Say sorry and give him a hug. Then I ask them if they can play nicely, or if they need....that's great! :clapping:


 

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