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  1. #11
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    So sorry for your loss. This is a great place for support and understanding through the grieving process and with the fears when you are ready to start TTC again. All the very best for the next chapter.

  2. #12
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    well the wait is over. i had my d & c yesterday.

    we got to the hospital at 9am & i didnt end up going through to theatre until 4.30pm.

    the cervigel hurt like hell but luckily i had nice nurses who gave me 2 dose of morphine while we were waiting

    the social worker came around & while i initially didnt think i really wanted to talk to a stranger about what has been such an intensely personal experience, we actually did end up talking for a while & it did help, even if just a little.

    the whole experience has been incredibly isolating, since most of our family & friends were still unaware of the pregnancy in the first place. even SIL has just announced the postponing of her wedding as shes just fallen with #2. were of course very happy for her as she has PCOS & was supposed to be unable to conceive at all, but it still stung. the whole 'she can, why cant we?' thing

    i feel strangely empty today. my tummy a bit more like the one thats done hundreds of crunches at derby training than the one my husband said goodnight to every night.

    but we know its not the end, and we plan on TTC again in the new year, once this cursed 2012 is safely behind us. though im still terrified of it happening again.

  3. #13
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    [FONT=arial]
    Quote Originally Posted by [/FONT
    Rollermama;6905289]Goodbye Bean, I'll miss you for the rest of my life


    I'm so so sorry for your loss.
    God I'm in floods here.
    I too have a bean I'm missing
    My miscarriage was similar to yours.

    So bizarre really when I look back, because the date I was supposed to go for the scan, it was raining too heavily to bring DS1 on the bus, so I cancelled until later in the week.
    When I got there, thesonographer didn't know what to say.
    There was no heartbeat, but it just happened within the last few hours, as baba was bang on size for my dates.
    Had I kept my original appointment,
    I wouldn't have been any the wiser for another month at least, as I didn't pass the baby myself until my D&C 3 weeks later.
    In those 3 weeks I had extra scans, I just couldn't do what they wanted me to and have the D&C straight away.

    I don't think anyone should jump into that because you would question yourself for a life time after.
    I even questioned myself on reading your post, but I know I got them to make 100% sure that baby was gone.
    I could see for myself that there was nothing left in there, everything had dissolved.
    It was only then I booked the D&C, as time was passing and nothing was happening naturally, 'plus by then I just wanted it over with.

    I got on with life fairly fast after that, but it's catching up with me now a little bit, all the 'what ifs'.
    I'm also regretting not seeing what they took out, just to acknowledge that little soul.
    I just couldn't summon the courage at the time.
    I am grateful for small mercies though, that I didn't go on through another month or more of pregnancy thinking the baby was ok, I think that would have been harder.
    I wasn't offered any type of counselling so it's good you got some.

    1 yr exactly to the day, we got a BFP, and almost on the same due date, DS2 arrived!
    I don't think for one second that he IS that baby, I actually think that was a little girl, maybe she'll come to us again if we're lucky



    Take the time to heal yourself, another pregnancy will bring a lot of emotional turmoil and worry but that's only natural after a loss, so don't be too hard on yourself for being afraid.
    I wish you all the very best for the future.


 

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