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  1. #1
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    Default Crying in the dark - Week 3, Day 1 - Blog 27

    I'm typing this on my phone while I lie in bed crying quietly while my husband sleeps beside me. I can't even properly express the way I feel right now. I'm upset with myself and the person that I've become. I used to be confident, outgoing and the life of the party. Now I'm a clingy, crying mess who feels unattractive and hides in the corner. It doesn't help that my husband believes in "being honest" which involves him asking me questions like "have you always been this fat?".

    I don't know what's come over me tonight, I've been feeling really good about myself and what I'm doing with this challenge, then tonight I've just been a mess. I have never more felt like giving up on life. I don't meant that literally, I just mean that a part of me wishes that I could just up and go, leave everyone and everything behind and start again without all the painful past to hurt me.

    I just want to feel loved. Most of all by me. :'(

  2. #2
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    Default Crying in the dark - Week 3, Day 1 - Blog 27

    Couldn't read and not post. Hugs xo

  3. #3
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    I have been where you are. You need to concentrate on the positive changes your making. You are wonderful strong woman who is beautiful inside and out. I wish you could see you how I see you. You inspire me to do better.

  4. #4
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    Default Crying in the dark - Week 3, Day 1 - Blog 27

    I want to thank you both so much. I really appreciate the support. Jenny, that brought tears to my eyes.

    I didn't mean to break down so publicly and it's funny, my post for the night was about 45 minutes before this one and that's how quickly I can go from being relatively upbeat to being a crying mess. Everyone keeps telling me that I'm strong but I don't feel strong, I feel broken. Completely and utterly broken.

    That being said, I'm feeling so much more upbeat this morning. In the light of day with a morning workout under my belt I feel like I can do this (you know, life in general) again.

    I think it's just been that over the last couple of days, I've been disappointed more than ever with what I see in the mirror. On the inside, I'm feeling fitter and stronger and that's great but I want to see big changes on the outside. I know they're coming and I keep telling everyone else that if we just keep doing what we're doing this WILL work. I know that in my brain but it's harder learning to love myself again than I thought it would be. I've asked my husband to stop saying negative things about me because I say them to myself all the time (I need to stop this) and he said he'll try but he doesn't feel like he can say positive things because if he tells me that he thinks I'm beautiful, I tell him he's wrong.

  5. #5
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    Hugs hun, I am glad your feeling better.


 

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