Hi ladies .. Thanks for the new addiction !!!
I've been pintering for a few days getting copious amounts of ideas for work and things for around the home.. I just joined up.. It does have something about invitations but not that great in how to really use anything.. Kaybaby I've even repinned things for your page.. I feel like I'm stealing people's ideas legally
Think it will be a while yet till I get used to the seach engine and how to repinn .. I'm sure ill get there though .. Plenty of time.... When I'm meant to be cleaning !!!!
My heart just broke reading your stories, how life can be so beautiful yet so cruel at the same time.
I'm not sure if this is the right place for me or not but I'm really suffering simliar to some of you ladies right now. We have 3 beautiful children, 2 girls (nearly 5 and 3.5 years) and last year we welcomed our son 11 months into the world. Before my son was born we had said he would be our last because we lost a child between him and our 2nd daughter. It took another year after the miscarriage to conceive again with our son and it totally burnt me out, I had never been so depressed in my life waiting and waiting for the BFP was killing me, my 2 daughters and the miscarriage had only taken a couple of months to conceive and I thought something was seriously wrong with us, I thought i'd never have a child again but then DS came along when I least expected it.
Now i'm in a place I never wanted to be in, I convinced DH to go for a 4th which is my ultimate family dream. I always wanted 4 children, it's not just something I wanted it was something that was always in my dreams, I always saw myself with 4 children. We are nearly at the end of our 2nd cycle and I tested abit early but seeing that BFN just crushed my heart once again, I have this gutt feeling it's going to take a long time again, i'm almost ready to give up. DH isn't really interested in it, we bought him a dog just recently and it's really starting to annoy me that he loves this dog and treats it like his baby when he shows absolutely no interest in another child. To be a dog is a dog, it doesn't compare to having a child. I feel like i'm TTC by myself and it frustrates me, I don't have much hope for ttc all over again but without DH it makes it even harder, I feel perhaps if he wanted it more I would have more strength to fight for it. I have a huge box of baby clothes and a little bouncer there sitting in the cupboard waiting for the next one and I can't bare the thought of parting with them, my sister and sister in law asked me to pass things onto them when i'm done but I couldn't stand to watch them have a child and wear those clothes when I so desperately wanted another one.
We just bought a car suitable for having more babies, we only live in a 3 by 2 but we could make it work with 2 in each room.
I feel so resentful towards other pregnant women especially people I know, I can't be happy for them knowing they are experiencing what I so desperately want.
If I give up I know I will feel like this for the rest of my life, and to be honest I don't know if I want to?
I really don't know what to do anymore, life is so short and you only live once so I guess why should I give up on my dreams? When nothing is really in the way of it. I turn 24 in a couple of weeks and DH is 30 in June so we're still young I guess.
Thanks so much if you've read this far ive been needing to get this out for so long, I feel skitzophrenic with how ive been feeling im constantly changing my mind and I can't make a choice on what to do, one day ill feel one way and the next day it'll change.
My thoughts go out to all of you who are in a simliar boat.
How do you ever know you are finished? That's what I want to know.
I'm pregnant with our second, a boy we already have a girl so DH is over the moon to have the 'pigeon pair' and says this is the last one.
I have a feeling though I'll want a third. I just love being pregnant and having babies and think it would be hard to ever accept you are 'finished' and won't experience it again.
Hopefully down the track DH will want number 3
I've heard you just know aswell. I think if i had 4 I would feel complete, I have no desire for 5, just 4, and i feel now that 4 is a stretch for us.. here's to hoping..
Steelart... Your story sounds soooo familiar to mine... People say " you know when your finished having children" but that choice has been taken away ... As I've said in previous posts .. Financially, Mental, Emotionally !!!! To attempt IVF again would send me to the looney bin for sure !!! Part of me & I guess to be honest I would still Love to have another baby .. But thats just asking for moooore self mental issues..But To try ivf again ... And not be gaurenteed a healthy baby in arms Faaaaarrrrrrrkkkk .. i feeel extremely ripped off we had to pay $$$$$ to attempt to have children.. Not an opps ... I had to pop pills, take needles endless internal scans !!! I still feel that our family has enough love for one more.. But who can I resent the fact that we can't just have sex & get pregnant ?? Me !! My body ?? Soo there a mental, physical, emotional, issue there just to start with, How do I stop admiring pregnant bellies!!! How to I stop hating pregnant women!!! being envious of them!!!! How do I forgive life for taking my last baby away from me, my baby was very very very much wanted and loved.. .how do I not grow old & bitter!! Hubby is Totally AGainst doing ivf again .. Soo I understand where ur coming from .. When its one sided to have another baby it hurts soooo deep... Whenever my period arrives its like a constant slap in the face... When I see 3 children its a constant reminder of my goal .. My dream taken away, my heart broken .. On the outside i look happy & normal.. on the inside head is racing with thoughts.. my heart has a hole from a missing loved baby in my arms.. When I'm 50 I wonder if I will still feel the pain & sadness .. Sorry needed to clear my head ......
How are you.. Has the dog taken the place of the forth child still ?? Are you charting your cycles to help ??
Awwww Gracec your story is so heart breaking to read I really feel for you! IVF would defeniatly make it all that more stressful. It took 12 months for us to fall pregnant with DS1 and i'm so scared of that happening again, but also feel like it probably will so i'm trying not to stress about it because that stops it happening sometimes.
Since my last post I poured my heart out to DH, and he's defeniatly seen it from my side, he says he would absolutely love another bubby in the family and would support me 110% through it. He just says he hasn't been mentioning it because when we "try too hard" it doesn't happen. So now I understand his approach, when we lost a bubby between #2 and #3 it broke his heart so I think as a guy he tries to detach from it untill we get a sticky bubby.
We have technically been trying 2 months (this is our 3rd month).
To be honest I don't know how to overcome those overwhelming emotional feelings of regret, jealousy, sadness and feeling incomplete.. I can't! That's why I'm going back for another one but I understand that's not always an option for some people, so I really have no advice. I've tried the whole pretend like everything is ok, my family is complete as it is thing and it's an epic fail I end up in tears about it all. Life is so short so for me it's worth going again.
I can only speak from my side of the story, maybe I need to be in a section called "Parents who want a large family" because I guess for me it's not a meaning of wanted because i'm hoping to make it a reality..
Anyways just venting.. you ladies are so strong.
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