+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 8 of 8
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Woodford
    Posts
    749
    Thanks
    14
    Thanked
    240
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default What would you do? trying to get some perspective...

    What would you do if you had a partner who hadn't worked for the past two years (since Nov 2010). In the meantime, you've had a baby together, gone back to work when said baby was 6 months old, to support the family on your parttime wage. Your DP does do some household chores and looks after the baby while you are at work. But he doesn't do many chores, the house is always a mess. He also doesn't do a great job looking after your dd as he is addicted to online gaming ad plays about 12 hours per day. Because if the online gaming other parts if you relationship, eg, spending quality time together fall to the wayside. You constantly tell him you are unhappy, try to help him find a job, but eventually give up.
    Eventually you get your act together and leave with your dd.
    a moth later you find out you are 8 weeks pregnant. You tell your ex and he is over the moon. He sees it as his second chance. He is really sorry he has lost his family and wants to do anything to get them back. He enrolled into TAFE, starts a course to become a taxi driver and writes letter of apology to your parents for past wrongs that he has done towards them.
    You on the other had are really unhappy with being pregnant. You barely coped with the first pregnancy due to stress from your partners and parents fights. You also had a hard time bonding and coping with a baby as you felt unsupported, torn between parents and partner and super stressed. You are having a hard time adjusting as a single parent and are exhausted. You don't know if you can cope with another pregnancy and baby all on your own. Also there is pressure from your parents, to stay away from your ex and pressure from your ex, to get back together as a family when he sorts out his life.

    Would you keep the baby or would you terminate?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    1,320
    Thanks
    1,004
    Thanked
    783
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default What would you do? trying to get some perspective...

    I'm Pro Choice.
    What ever decision you make needs to be made by you, not your ex and not your parents.
    I think you need to stop talking to everyone is this situation for a period of time.. days, week(s) so you can figure out what you want to do, do some looking in to what you want your future to be like etc.

    Has ex ever said he will "Change" in the past?
    Could this just be another cycle repeating its self?
    Or is he serious this time, and if he was serious do you still love him after everything that's happened, do you see a future with him..
    You need some time to yourself with out the influence from others to decide what's right for you.

    What ever way you decide to go I hope everything works out for the best. :Hugs:
    What a horrible situation to be in

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    1,106
    Thanks
    128
    Thanked
    949
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I don't know...that's a tough one.

    I would listen to my heart rather than my head, and trust that I really know what is the right thing for ME & the child I already have.

    Usually in these situations we already know the answer but let ourselves get confused with all the other issues.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    510
    Thanks
    114
    Thanked
    124
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    If I was in love with DP I would see how things go, I wouldn't move back with him until I was sure he was serious about working things out eg- completing tafe, holding a job, maintaining a household, setting aside "date" time as well possible seeking counselling for his gambelling. Not until I felt satisfied with these things would I consider giving it another go. As for being pregnant remember your body is adjusting to extra hormones as well as going through this separation. Plenty of people raise children as a single parent and do a fantastic job.
    Your parents should support you in your decision as I think deep down you know what is the best decision for you and dd.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    My house
    Posts
    1,990
    Thanks
    276
    Thanked
    277
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default What would you do? trying to get some perspective...

    Big hugs - it sounds like a very tough situation.

    I agree with the pp that in your heart you know what to do for you and your dd. your ex and your parents are bystanders. Put you first.

    I would think about why things have been like they have with your ex? Is there a reason he hasn't been working? Is he really likely to change?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    73
    Thanks
    8
    Thanked
    21
    Reviews
    0

    Default What would you do? trying to get some perspective...

    I have no advice and can't even begin to imagine how you are feeling - but just wanted to suggest talking it out with a professional. Maybe giving lifeline a call?

    Take care of yourself and be true to you. Whatever you decide will be the right thing... (((Hugs)))

  7. #7
    LifeInShadesOfGrey's Avatar
    LifeInShadesOfGrey is offline Just a little bit silly :)
    Winner 2012 - Best Username
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    5,672
    Thanks
    2,052
    Thanked
    1,364
    Reviews
    35
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts

    Default What would you do? trying to get some perspective...

    That's a real tough one. If it were me I would treat the situation based on me being single and decide if I could manage financially etc. I would decide without them in the picture.

    Once I decided If I could manage single. Then the only other choice is give the ex a chance or not. If their record was as described, I wouldn't go back to the ex. But I would keep the baby if I knew I could manage as a single parent of two.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    3,678
    Thanks
    788
    Thanked
    1,847
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I would base my decision on being single and leave ex and parents out of it altogether.

    I would keep the baby (i am pro choice but would never terminate myself).

    As for ex...i would not consider getting back together with him until he had held a full time job for 12 months. I would possibly consider dating him after he had secured a job and held it for 3 months.

    Other than the gaming (which i know was huge)....how was he as a partner? did you love him? Was he nice and kind and loving?

    As for your parents...they need to be on your side so i can see why they argued with your partner...but, they need to leave that to you and just be on your side and be supportive of what ever you choose.

    It does sound like he is sorry but that does not mean you have to forgive him. I would also suggest some couples counselling...both now and IF you decide to take him back. having bubs does not = automatically back together.


 

Similar Threads

  1. Some perspective?
    By Miss Salty in forum Postnatal depression
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 10-07-2012, 21:07
  2. Need Perspective and Help!!!!
    By Ishtyban in forum General Chat
    Replies: 28
    Last Post: 16-03-2012, 22:07

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Boody Organic Bamboo Baby Wear
Softer than your bub's bum Boody Organic Bamboo Baby Wear
Australia's favourite eco brand has delivered a gorgeous baby collection. Made from organic bamboo, Boody's extraordinarily soft and stretchy, skin-friendly tops, bottoms, onesies, bibs and wraps don't 'cost the earth'. Get 20% OFF! Code BUBHUB16.
sales & new stuffsee all
CarmelsBeautySecrets
Growing your own natural nails is easy. Years ago, I devised a simple and very effective technique which really helps boosts the nails' growth in as little as three days! And most importantly keeps them that way.
featured supporter
LCF Fun Languages Australia
We offer foreign language lessons for children 2-12 yrs in French, Spanish, Mandarin, Italian or German as after-school and preschool clubs or private language tuition. This is play-based, full immersion language learning with proven results!
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!