I'm going to have a vent about my mother. Just a warning.
My mother loves me as a mother loves a child I guess and adores her grandchildren, but I am afraid I never want my children to feel the way about me as I do about her. We are so different and grow apart constantly. I'm not the only person who notices this about her either.
- she is incredibly vain and obsessed with appearance. For example she is getting an eye operation next month to straighten a crooked eye but it means her vision will be blurry and she will be dizzy for the rest of her life. She lied to the doctor in order to be accepted for the operation. She wants perfectly straight eyes for photos. I have the same condition so I get it but I have told her she is never going to be alone with my kids if she can't see properly.
- She is narrow-minded and racist even though she says she isn't. I'm married to an Asian man and he and my mother could not be more different. She likes him but I know she'd have rathered me marry an Aussie. I won't go into her views on "abo's and muso's (Aborigines and Muslims)". She tries to bite her tongue around me but can't help herself at times.
- She is a woman who doesn't like other women. So sad.
- My brother is her favourite and I am constantly reminded how hard he works and how much pressure he is under. Like my life is so easy. He doesn't work hard. He has been lucky marrying into a wealthy family. My parents lost their home because of my brother but I am still the bad one because she knew I used to drink with my uni friends (she's a conservative Christian). Meanwhile, my brother is a tattooed, hard-drinking, chain-smoking guy but she wouldn't believe it even if she saw it with her eyes. Funnily, I harbor no ill-will towards my brother. I work my butt off both in and out of the home but that doesn't count because I'm a woman and women aren't supposed to work while raising children If only I'd married a rich guy, huh?
- She has been a Christian all her life with my father but it's just surface stuff I've realised. She doesn't truly live by it but thinks she does.
- She hates Facebook and will attack me at EVERY opportunity for using it. Last week we had a coffee when my parents visited and some really old bikies rocked up to the cafe. I mentioned casually that it would be cool to be so old not to care and take up a dangerous hobby because motorbike riding is statistically pretty dangerous. Next minute I was being told that it's just like Facebook, facebook is so dangerous etc. Relevant?????
- She does things and always says it wasn't her or makes up an excuse. For example, she was ironing something at my place and accidentally switched off the fish tank switch which is next to the iron. I noticed a while later and mentioned it - I wasn't upset or angry, just letting her know for the future but she said "I didn't do that". Yes, she did, she was the only one who could have. There are lots of things like this. Last week she went shopping with my brother and she opened the door onto another car and left a fair sized mark. My brother left a note but she went nuts about it blaming her bad eyesight and that people do it to her all the time.
- Every time she visits is just a battle - she comes to see the grandkids but it just gets frostier between us. I am not going to talk to her about these things - I've tried, my dad has tried, and my brother has tried. She ends up playing the victim in tears and it is honestly not worth it.
I feel terrible because I do need her help a couple of times a year to look after the kids if I have to do something like get a medical test or something. I don't waant to feel this way about my mother - I would love a comfortable mother-daughter relationship but it will never be. It has never been close in a personal sense. I have a son and a daughter and I want to be close to them and have them know I can talk to them about anything. I don't want to be like my mother and this makes me so sad.