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  1. #21
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    Thanks everyone. It's nice to get the perspective of others.

    I'm done and dusted with SIL. It's been exhausting and I am well and truelly over it and dh feels the same way. Whilst initially dh and I would have liked and god knows we tried several times to make her see sense and move on from whatever her problem was/is because we wanted her to get to know her nephews and be a part of all our lives in a positive way but we realise that 5yrs later and she is still carrying on and it will never be and now we prefer it to be that way TBH because our boys certainly don't need a person like her in their lives the way she is and we don't have the energy to try with her anymore.

  2. #22
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    Default SIL with severe issues - enough already!

    Hey just wanted to offer a different perspective here.

    It sounds like communication mess ups on both parts (your hubby and SIL/BIL) led to the trailer incident erupting. This cause so much bad feeling it's hard for people to recover from it without losing face.

    What I tell folks in the workplace is that the moment there is potential for misunderstanding and/or conflict you pick up the phone and talk to that person directly. Dont rely on an intermediary as:
    - chances are the message will get messed up
    - it is a sign of disrespect (that you can't be bothered going to the person directly).

    IMO your hubby and SIL are a fault for not communicating appropriately at the beginning.

    One option is to stop all communication.

    Another option is to give it one last crack. For your hubby to send a thankyou card for the presents and a an envelope with a quick note saying sorry and $25. I don't think trying to give the money back through MIL was the best thing, going through an intermediary is a sign of disrespect... And after all she messed things up first time round

    Your hubby could also call her directly. Don't aim for too much first time round. Just say sorry you didn't communicate effectively about the trailer incident. A sorry (even if they were 'more in the wrong') can sometimes melt away years of bad feeling.


    Good luck

  3. #23
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    I think the Op and her DH had given her the $25 and tried to fix things?

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to delirium For This Useful Post:

    Blessedwith3boys  (12-11-2012)

  5. #24
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    I think that she's jealous . Pure and simple. She knows you have tried to make amends . I think she maybe likes the power trip of knowing that she decides if you make up or not. Just ignore her, move on....it's not your fault you have kids and she doesn't...

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    Blessedwith3boys  (12-11-2012)

  7. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Hey just wanted to offer a different perspective here.

    It sounds like communication mess ups on both parts (your hubby and SIL/BIL) led to the trailer incident erupting. This cause so much bad feeling it's hard for people to recover from it without losing face.

    What I tell folks in the workplace is that the moment there is potential for misunderstanding and/or conflict you pick up the phone and talk to that person directly. Dont rely on an intermediary as:
    - chances are the message will get messed up
    - it is a sign of disrespect (that you can't be bothered going to the person directly).

    IMO your hubby and SIL are a fault for not communicating appropriately at the beginning.

    One option is to stop all communication.

    Another option is to give it one last crack. For your hubby to send a thankyou card for the presents and a an envelope with a quick note saying sorry and $25. I don't think trying to give the money back through MIL was the best thing, going through an intermediary is a sign of disrespect... And after all she messed things up first time round

    Your hubby could also call her directly. Don't aim for too much first time round. Just say sorry you didn't communicate effectively about the trailer incident. A sorry (even if they were 'more in the wrong') can sometimes melt away years of bad feeling.


    Good luck
    Not sure about your logic there Vic park!
    The SIL should have rang Dh directly. She wanted the trailer and rang MIL rather than ringing Dh.
    BIL should have stood up and been a man and expressed his concerns if he had them rather than go home whining to his wife.
    we did give the $25 and yes we left it with MIL the last few days before we moved 2700kms away and MIL was the last person we saw upon leaving.
    But in the end it's a pathetic thing for SIL to carry on about for 5yrs. Think that was just an excuse for her real issues.

  8. #26
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    Default SIL with severe issues - enough already!

    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I think the Op and her DH had given her the $25 and tried to fix things?
    Via the mother in law, who messed things up first time.

  9. #27
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    Default SIL with severe issues - enough already!

    I agree sounds like your sil was just looking for a reason .
    That's kinda what I think about my whole scrap book thing .
    There are other reasons

  10. #28
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    Default SIL with severe issues - enough already!

    Quote Originally Posted by Kimberleygal1 View Post
    Not sure about your logic there Vic park!
    The SIL should have rang Dh directly. She wanted the trailer and rang MIL rather than ringing Dh.
    BIL should have stood up and been a man and expressed his concerns if he had them rather than go home whining to his wife.
    we did give the $25 and yes we left it with MIL the last few days before we moved 2700kms away and MIL was the last person we saw upon leaving.
    But in the end it's a pathetic thing for SIL to carry on about for 5yrs. Think that was just an excuse for her real issues.
    Sorry but I think there were missed opportunities where your hubby could have prevented things escalating. He should have been clear and honest instead of just giving in and saying (via your mother in law) for his sister to take the trailer.

    He should have called his sister directly, mentioned you were still using the trailer, it was full of rubbish and you hoped to be finished by xyz date. He could have said something like "would it be possible to push the handover of the trailer back until this date? If there's something urgent you need to do let me know and we will work something out."

    Your hubby could have sent the $25 directly to his sister with a little note.

    I have no doubt the SIL has the cow factor going but it sounds like this all started due to a misunderstanding caused by poor communications on both parts. And both sides have done things since then to keep the narky going. *** not saying your SIL isn't a cow with other issues going on.***

  11. #29
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    I think SIL needs to get over it. Making a mountain out of a molehill is ridiculous.

  12. #30
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    I do see what VicPark is saying.

    However in this situation logic and doing-the-right-thing aren't options that work. This is because the person who's really caused this issue (your sister in law) was determined to crack it. If it wasn't this, it would have been something else.

    My husbands family is teeming with people like this. They are miserable trouble makers. They get jealous at anyone else for absolutely anything, ***** about everyone and just love a fight.

    There's quite literally nothing you can do. You simply can not win. If you do apologise just to keep the peace (even giving them money), then the argument will be that you didn't apologise soon enough. It's frankly exhausting in its stupidity.

    It's why my husband stopped bothering with a large portion of his family a long time ago. They're poisonous and negative and will do their best to create generational feuds and general nonsense. It's how people like that live and get their kicks. They love drama.

    In this case, letting them go is the right thing to do. If they choose to come around at some point in the future then you and your husband can make a decision about their involvement in your life at that point.


 

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