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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2012

    Default Trying to work through my pregnancy issues

    I don't really have a problem per se, just the problems I am making in my own mind that I really need to put down in writing.

    Firstly, I am 16 weeks pregnant (today!). I am very happy to be pregnant and my husband is too. We were trying for 7 months and had a miscarriage at 6 weeks in June but then was lucky enough to get pregnant again 6 weeks later. So this baby is very much planned and wanted by us.

    The thing is (or one of the things that is!) is that we have never discussed having children with anyone we know. In fact, quite the opposite. I am 36 now, but had no desire whatsoever to have children until about 5 years ago. So for the past 5 years we have very quietly been preparing ourselves emotionally and financially to eventually have a baby. However, I am worried that everyone will think this baby is an accident because as far as everyone else is concerned, I don't like babies and don't want children.

    Also, I was made redundant from my work a couple of months ago (I fell pregnant and lost my job in the same week - how is that for excellent timing!), so again I think that people will think this is an accidental pregnancy because the timing is so bad. And I do feel like a bit of a loser being knocked up and unemployed. So I guess that I am embarrassed by that - we were trying to be so organised and prepared but then we got knocked flat by my unexpected job loss. Plus there is the obvious stress of trying to look for work and knowing you are pregnant and going to be wanting time off in a few months time. Awkward position to be in.

    I am worried about telling my family that I am pregnant, firstly because I am a very private person and I find it hard to make big announcements like that. Also, my family make such a big deal out of everything and I hate being the centre of attention. I would like to minimise the impact of my announcement in some way ("By the way I'm pregnant. Can you pass the salt please?") but at the same time, if I don't make a big deal out of it then people will think it was an accident and that we are not happy.

    See, it sounds so stupid when I put it into words! I am just contrary by nature, I guess. If my family were the type to not make a big deal out of things, I probably would be complaining about that too!

    Basically I would like to be able to announce my pregnancy with a minimum of fanfare but at the same time convey to people that I am very happy to be having a deliberately planned baby. And hope that they don't all laugh at me because I always said I didn't want children. And hope that I don't just start crying because I always cry anyway and everyone will just think I am being hormonal, which will make them laugh even more.

    Also (even more!) my mother is incredibly domineering, yet obviously I love her and don't want to hurt her feelings, so I have to think of a nice way of telling her I don't want her coming to stay with us immediately after the baby is born. I guess I will cross that bridge when I come to it, though. First I have to tell her I am pregnant, which may never happen. Do you think it is possible for us to hide this baby until...hmmm, let's see...it graduates from high school maybe? I wish I could!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    I totally understand the want to seem excited but not be the centre of attention lol It is a tricky place to be in.

    If you told your mum first....would she sort of take care of the rest of the work? What about finding a "grandma card" of some sort...getting an ultrasound picture and popping it in with a "see you in February, love from Jemmie and DP's bubba? That way...you can hand it to her...and then she can take care of the rest.

    Then, once the family done....announce on FB...you can then control the message as in "is so excited to announce that we are going to be a family of 3 in February"

    I was the same...never wanted kids, thought i couldn't have them, just moved countries and had a new job! I struggled being fussed over....hated people touching my bump etc

    AS for coming after you have the bub...find an article about the importance of family bonding in the first month of bubs life and tell her your DP is taking the first month of bubs life off work so you can all bond and that she is welcome for a quick visit to meet bubs but can come and stay after DP back at work.

    hugs....i hope all goes well

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to River Song For This Useful Post:

    Jemmie  (06-11-2012)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    River Songs advice is really good.

    Regarding people thinking it's an accident, not much you can do. I fell pregnant immediately after we got married and a few people actually asked if it was an accident, so people think things like that no matter what. It's weird.

  5. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Ha! We could be the same person!
    I wasn't maternal either. All siblings/inlaws etc had kids and I was happy to be cool auntie but that was it. Married for 5 years, said 'lets try' and luckily got pregnant that night. My mum joked that I had pre-natal depression, as I just wasn't into it.
    I too got made redundant when I was 10 weeks pregnant...but wasn't ready to tell anyone.
    I agree...perhaps tell your mum and she can do the restof the telling.

    Fast forward 6 months and I had a beautiful baby girl. That 'mothers instinct' just kicks in, and you'll become a natural in no time.
    I'm now expecting #2....and did the same! Told work at 18 weeks (when I could hide it no longer) and am 28 weeks now. Saw a friend on the weekend that i haven't seen for a while and she apologised for not noticing when I announced it on facebook! I said I haven't done the 'facebook ritual of telling the world'...because thats just not me!

    Enjoy your pregnancy and all the crazy hormones that come with it.

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to Mmumm For This Useful Post:

    Jemmie  (06-11-2012)

  7. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts

    Default Trying to work through my pregnancy issues

    Omg I could've written your post!!! I hate big family announcements and although I'm very happy to be pregnant (36 weeks) I almost feel embarrased by it. Lol.
    DH and I have been married 3 years, I'm nearly 35 and he's 43. We never planned to have children. But last year we started talking about it and decided to try. We did tell out families but had a miscarriage. They of course (prior to mc) were extremely surprised and questioned if it was an accident which I hated!!! I think we are old enough to make sensible decisions!!!
    Anyway, we are now very close to the end, I've been teased a lot for not being maternal etc etc. which I also hate!!!! I continue to be embarrased by my preggie belly and my mum has made lots of negative comments, just recently about a free pregnancy photo shoot we had done. Saying it was stupid etc. which doesn't help my embarrassment!!
    Sometimes I wish I could just hide away with my little family til yes... Baby graduates!!! Lol. I feel your pain.

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to Tamtam For This Useful Post:

    Jemmie  (06-11-2012)


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