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  1. #1
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    Default Family death

    My partners father has just died an when he died I was 10 weeks pregnant it has now been 5 weeks and my partner has moved back his mums for 2 months and I'm left to fend for myself. His mother has taken control of him and has such a tight leash on him he wot come home. I am really worried about what's going to happen I don't know if I am being selfish by saying I don't want him there and want him with me. We are both quite young and it has taken a massive toll on partner but all of it is taking its toll on me. My bubba is growing so is my belly and I'm by my self I have such after support system with my family and my friends but I need my partner. Am I being selfish or is it reasonable for me to want him to be apart of this babies development as he was adopted and it's the first blood relation he gets to meet. If anyone has been in this situation I would love to know how you handled it and if I'm being selfish.


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    Default Family death

    What do you mean fend for yourself? Financially? How far away is he staying from you?
    It's only been 5 weeks, give it some time.
    It's not selfish for you to want your partner around and I would hope he is still making time for you and taking your pregnancy into consideration and remaining involved.
    Make the most of the support network you have around you and if it seems to be an ongoing thing I would definitely pull him up on it.

  3. #3
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    I understand him going home for the funeral...but why is he still there 5 weeks later when he has left his pregnant partner at home?

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    Default Family death

    Call their bluff! Pack your bags and get dropped at the front door, sleep on the couch if need be!

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    Default Family death

    What a difficult situation you are in.

    I don't mean to be harsh but if your partner really loved you and wanted to be with you he ... Would be with you right now.

    I can't see why he would need to stay with his mother for 5 weeks. Perhaps he is just using her as an excuse/smokescreen because he does not want to settle down with you yet.

    I'd have a big deep and meaningful with your bf, asking him to reaffirm his intentions towards you.

    Good luck...

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Family death

    or maybe his mother is making him feel guilty if he tries to or mentions leaving? She in particular is going through a very difficult time no doubt. Grief, loneliness possibly depression etc.

    Maybe have a chat to your partner and his mother? How you are being left alone is unfair imo. He doesnt need to be there 24/7.

    Hope your ok OP, all the best

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    Last edited by SoThisIsLove; 05-11-2012 at 15:50.

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    Default Family death

    Or maybe he needs to be with his mother as much as she needs him.
    Yes you are pregnant but if you already have support with your family you will be ok. I think it would be a different story if you were close to delivering or had a baby but right now he could be where he thinks he is needed most.
    Can you go visit him where he is?

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Family death

    Good point sweetpeamummy. I think an honest chat with your partner and his mother is the only way forward and to find out exactly what is happening. Take care.....

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    Yeah, I think you need to talk to your partner. See where his head is at? This might have hit him a lot harder than you realize and so being around his mum is helping him right now. It could also be that she's keeping him because its hard on her, either way HE is who you need to be speaking to.

    No, you're not being selfish to want him with you, he's your partner after all. My advice is talk to him, better yet go see him and then if he does say he's there because his mother needs him go and speak to her, tell her that you need him too.

  10. #10
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    The fact that you've just mentioned the DNA side of things means to me you think his adoptive parents shouldn't mean much to him. Sorry to say this but they were there for him, loved him as much as a birth mother/father would love their child. There's a lot more to family then "DNA and blood". It makes me wonder what feelings you harbour towards your inlaws. Maybe your partner senses that and has picked up on it.

    Can you go and be there with him? His mum has just lost her partner and he has just lost his father. In saying that, he should be with you. 5 weeks is a long time. Perhaps he could ask her to come and stay with the both of you? But from the sounds of things I guess you wouldn't want her there.

    If I were you I'd be very careful about making a big deal of the fact that your baby will be the only relative he knows that he's related to by DNA/blood as that would be very hurtful to both him and his family and would more than likely damage your relationship.

    Tell him how you're feeling. He needs to be there for you.

  11. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Renesme For This Useful Post:

    BH-KatiesMum  (05-11-2012),NancyBlackett  (05-11-2012)


 

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