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  1. #1
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    Default My Dad is a Selfish Git

    I have quiet a bit of pent up anger right now with my father. I don't see him very often to really care most of the time, but this was really.. really .. well selfish!

    My sister's wedding was in Canberra at the beginning of last October. Everyone knew it was coming at least a year before, to make plans accordingly, book tickets, places to stay, accumulate enough time off.
    But come wedding day, the only people from our family who went, was my Mum, my other sister and my DH and myself. (and the 2 gremlins)
    My Dad had been umming and ahhing about it months before, kept saying he hadn't received his invite, despite the fact my sister sent it 3 times, one of them being registered mail, which made it to it's location. The further it went along, it sounded it was less likely my Dad was coming.
    He was also meant to be helping out with paying for the food for the reception. Well, he was going to give her close to a grand to cover what ever she needed, he only gave her $300, it is something, but not as much as he promised.
    Anyway, he had apparently bought tickets to come down the night before the wedding. That evening, we went to a dinner outing with the family, and during, my sister receives a text message saying he isn't coming because his partner is ill. In saying this, my Dad and his partner do not live alone, they live with his partner's family. SO really my Dad could of come.
    What frustrated me was, we were all waiting for him to back out, yet he kept stringing my sister along, and then ruined her evening out by dropping this bomb shell.
    If you weren't going to come, why not rip the bandaid off and get over and done with. At least then, she wouldn't of had to dance about trying to arrange things, stressing her out even more.

    Anyway, it all made sense today, when my dad announces he has bought himself a 3k pinball machine. Selfish git.

  2. #2
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    Default My Dad is a Selfish Git

    Hmmm. Not RSVP'ing to a wedding: rude.

    Not sure about the other points though.

    - how sick was your dad's partner? If it was very sick I might not leave them either, especially if I knew folks at the Wedding didn't really want me there.
    - with regards to money. The way I see it if you are old enough to get married you are old enough to pay for it yourself. Relying on parents to pay $1000 and then being cranky when they only give you $300 is a little self-centred.
    - $3,000 on a pinball machine, IMO is idiotic and immature. But that's your dads perogative.

    It sounds like there is a whole heap of old issues contributing to your anger. By any chance does your dad have mental health issues? Im not saying you aren't justified in feeling cranky.

    Good luck

  3. #3
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    My Dad's mental illness is more or less a social thing, if he isn't the centre of attention he is less happy to go. After the crap he caused at my wedding, my sister didn't want my dad to have much say in anything.
    He was very much wanted there. She wanted him and his partner to walk her down the aisle. She did everything in her power to help him sort things out. But he gave nothing but excuses right up to the last possible moment.
    His partner was ill, having heart problems. IN saying that, the 3k he used on a pinball machine, he could of used on plane tickets to come morning of the wedding, and leave after the ceremony after he'd given his daughter away. There was plenty of time to do that.
    Unfortunately without all the details, you can't really see how this is. But my Dad let down my sister in the biggest way possible. And she and all the family, have more or less dropped him like a bad habit.

    Money, well yes she is big enough and ugly enough to plan a wedding, but because of alot of unforseen things that happened to her this past year, money was a factor. In saying that that $1k was paying her reception. If you were told a week before that you were only getting $300 I can see how that can cause a spanner in the works can't you?
    Wedding's are stressful things and every dollar does count. Especially when you are on an extremely tight budget.
    My sister has not an easy run getting that wedding up and going, with people dropping out left right and centre. She had to replace her flower girl 3 times. Amongst other things.

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    Hi!

    It's awful when people let you down especially when it's someone so close to you (ie your dad). It kinda sounds like he doesn't have the personal skills or emotional ability to be direct so strings you and your sister along. Either that or he gets some odd kick out of doing it. I guess at least you know the limit to his capabilities/level of reliability. It would be very hurtful though as I can imagine both you and your sister's experiences with him leave you feeling disrespected.

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    Default My Dad is a Selfish Git

    Ditching his daughters wedding via text message the night before is appalling form.

    No excuses, that's just selfish and lame.

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    hi

    i agree with you OP he sounds very selfish. to not attend your own daughters wedding is a disgrace...i agree he could have come down that morning and flown back that arvo i mean it was his own childs wedding day!!!!. and when u promise someome you are going to give them a certain amount of money for something then dont its rude, it doesnt matter that your old enough to pay for it yourself or whatever,....its still rude and a wedding is a very big deal......im sorry he ruined your sisters night and i bet she was very upset he didnt give her away.............i would have been gutted.

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  8. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by jfblady72 View Post
    hi

    i agree with you OP he sounds very selfish. to not attend your own daughters wedding is a disgrace...i agree he could have come down that morning and flown back that arvo i mean it was his own childs wedding day!!!!. and when u promise someome you are going to give them a certain amount of money for something then dont its rude, it doesnt matter that your old enough to pay for it yourself or whatever,....its still rude and a wedding is a very big deal......im sorry he ruined your sisters night and i bet she was very upset he didnt give her away.............i would have been gutted.
    It really was a sad affair... My Mum walked her down, which is good, my Mum was very proud.
    The ceremony turned out to be beautiful. (They had to change wedding locations at the last moment, due to torrential rain) Well done for short notice.
    It was sad for her though. Only the 4 of us sitting there while there was 90 on his side.
    She made a speech, she didn't have to, but she expressed her upset that not all her family was not there to celebrate it. But she held in there. My Mum had to make a speech at the last moment. But she did a good job considering.
    It was an emotional filled day, as weddings are.

  9. #8
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    Default My Dad is a Selfish Git

    My brother did the exact same thing, first for our engagement party and then our wedding. He's in Melbourne and I'm in Sydney, and the engagement party excuse was work related (he runs his own company and apparently his biggest, major client needed work done that weekend so I forgave him for that). We had been joking amongst the rest of the family about him not showing up for the wedding, but then the night before the wedding he called my dad to say he'd started driving up but a rock smashed his windscreen and because its a BMW needs a special windscreen which he couldn't replace until the next day so he needed to get that done so he could use the car for work on Monday (heard of a hire car?). Money isn't an issue for my brother, but dad offered to either pay for a hire car for him to drive from Melbourne to the wedding or pay for flights from Melb to Canberra, then a hire car from Canberra to the wedding location (3 hrs south of Sydney). He declined dads offers and said he'd see what he could do. The next day, he didn't call or even SMS me to wish me luck or to tell me to have a great day, no call the next day to ask how the day went, but a $200 gift showed up in our bank account from him and I'm sure he thinks that made it all OK. At the end of the day, family just isn't as important to some as it is to others. Prior to him not showing up to our wedding, I would have jumped through hoops to make it to his wedding (he's single and 33 coz 'women are too much trouble' so no sign of a wedding anyway), because that's what I do for family, but clearly he has a different view.

    Sorry OP, not much to offer and I've just hijacked your thread, but just wanted to let you know that you're not alone!

  10. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by JR03 View Post
    My brother did the exact same thing, first for our engagement party and then our wedding. He's in Melbourne and I'm in Sydney, and the engagement party excuse was work related (he runs his own company and apparently his biggest, major client needed work done that weekend so I forgave him for that). We had been joking amongst the rest of the family about him not showing up for the wedding, but then the night before the wedding he called my dad to say he'd started driving up but a rock smashed his windscreen and because its a BMW needs a special windscreen which he couldn't replace until the next day so he needed to get that done so he could use the car for work on Monday (heard of a hire car?). Money isn't an issue for my brother, but dad offered to either pay for a hire car for him to drive from Melbourne to the wedding or pay for flights from Melb to Canberra, then a hire car from Canberra to the wedding location (3 hrs south of Sydney). He declined dads offers and said he'd see what he could do. The next day, he didn't call or even SMS me to wish me luck or to tell me to have a great day, no call the next day to ask how the day went, but a $200 gift showed up in our bank account from him and I'm sure he thinks that made it all OK. At the end of the day, family just isn't as important to some as it is to others. Prior to him not showing up to our wedding, I would have jumped through hoops to make it to his wedding (he's single and 33 coz 'women are too much trouble' so no sign of a wedding anyway), because that's what I do for family, but clearly he has a different view.

    Sorry OP, not much to offer and I've just hijacked your thread, but just wanted to let you know that you're not alone!
    It's totally fine.
    I can understand your frustration, you have written it up well. That's exactly how I feel about this. So many people make the excuse about money and leave. But everyone had 1yr to sort that out. I mean the DH and I live with 2 kids on just above minimum wage, yet we managed to scrimp the money together to go, DH booked the time off months before hand. It really wasn't that difficult.
    IF you really want to be apart of something, you'd make the effort.

  11. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Out To Pasture View Post
    IF you really want to be apart of something, you'd make the effort.
    At the end of the day this is what it comes down yo. Unless, as VicPark suggested, he has a mental illness (and I Fo know of someone with depression who behaves like this when he goes off his meds) then I'd guess he just didn't want to be part of it for whatever reason.

    Not much you can do really, just never expect anything from him and you wont be disappointed.


 

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