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  1. #1
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    Default Did finding out the gender help you bond?

    I'm nearly 17 weeks preg with #2, and while I'm excited about a new baby, I don't feel a real connection with this pregnancy. With DS I had a strong feeling he was a boy from very early on (we didn't find out until birth though) and being my first I had all the excitement of preparing a nursery, getting furniture and buying a few newborn bits and pieces.

    I didn't want to find out the gender again this time, because it really doesn't matter to me, but I'm wondering if I do if I'll feel a little more connected. ATM all I can think about is how I'm going to cope with a 2yo and a newborn and how I'm going to turn DS's life upside down

    So I would be interested to hear from those that have perhaps been in a similar situation and found out the gender and if you think it helped you bond?
    Last edited by decemberbubba; 02-11-2012 at 10:59.

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    The moment I found out she was a girl ..the bond for me grew!! I loved talking to her and using her name etc...for me I would always want to know the sex of baby.

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    I could have written your post verbatim OP (except our 2yo is a little girl).

    We DID find out the first time but haven't for this one (am currently 31 weeks). Knowing DD was a girl definitely helped us bond -- she was named as soon as we found out at the 20 weeks scan and it was lovely rubbing my tummy calling her by name.

    This time there's definitely less bonding, but that could be because we don't have the time, and the last pregnancy was the closest thing we had to a child (now obviously we have a child so the pregnancy is just a means to an end in a sense).

    Even though we haven't bonded the same, we're faaaaar more excited this time around because we know what's in store. And I guess finding out the sex for ourselves will be much more rewarding.

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    Thank you for the replies ladies. We had our 20 week scan last week and decided not to find out, we just want to focus on growing a healthy bub and DH really wants the surprise. I still feel a little detached, but that could have to do with having much less time to focus on the pregnancy than with DS.

  5. #5
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    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    It did, but having said that, I didn't find out the sex with DS and the bond I felt was just as strong as with DD (I found out with DD).

    I guess I kind of felt like I "knew" her during my pregnancy, knowing I was carrying my daughter made it feel very exciting and I had fantasies of what I'd do with her when she arrived (dressing her up, doing "girlie" things with her as she grew, (I'd waited 12 years for her!) that sort of thing. I was the only female in the house so it felt special to know a girl was on her way..plus, I grew up with 3 brothers and no sisters so the prospect of sharing something that only a mother and daughter can have was also very exciting. Also just imagining what our relationship would be like when she's older- my best friend, hopfully, as I'm very close with my own mum.)

    But for me personally, the "bond" and attachment was he same, the love and protective feeling was the same with both my pregnancies, regardless of whether or not I knew the sex.

    *I wanted to add: I must admit that the moment I found out I was having a girl was not like some miraculous and awesome moment.. I was kind of numb as I was actually kind of hoping for another boy, only because the prospect of having a daughter seemed so surreal to me; having DS was all I knew; I actually worried that I wouldn't feel the same bond I have with DS. But that passed and before long I was immersed in all things "girl" and very happy with knowing the sex, calling her by her name etc.
    Last edited by ~Marigold~; 26-11-2012 at 09:23.

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    Default Re: Did finding out the gender help you bond?

    I'm 28 weeks and have 2 boys already, we had decided we weren't having anymore and then bam my body decided it wanted another, we are having a girl this time but I still don't feel a connection like I did with my last 2. I'm hoping in 12 weeks things change. I will have 3 under 4 and I think that is what makes me nervous, ds2 will be 18 months.


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