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  1. #81
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    Big hugs to you & your family xx

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    Default No heartbeat ..... 20 wks :( :( need adice

    RIP baby John Robert xoxoxoxo

  3. #83
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    StretchmarkBarbie is offline Senior Member
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    Default No heartbeat ..... 20 wks :( :( need adice

    Rip Little man. Such a tiny angel. Thinking of you all xxoo
    Last edited by StretchmarkBarbie; 05-11-2012 at 11:10.

  4. #84
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    I'm so sorry for the loss of your son....John Hunter is a lovely strong name. I'm glad you got the night with him....I'd give anything to go back and hold my little boy longer. It's a hard road from here, grief is an exhausting process, but there is an extensive baby loss community of other mums who have been through this and understand what is hard to put into words, both on here and other places online. 2 1/2 years out from losing my son I still miss him every day but he has revealed in me a strength I didn't know I had, and our little family is very close. My older boys talk about him regularly, he will never be forgotten and is an important part of our family. There will be thoughtless comments that hurt, but I tried to think of it by saying to myself, they say that because they don't understand, and i'm glad, because the only way they'd understand is to have gone through this and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

  5. #85
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    I'm so so sorry .. my heart aches for you

  6. #86
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    Well where do I start to try n end my story ... I went into hospital Friday was given a drug to induce labour.. By Saturday morning/ lunch I was having period like cramp, sometime after that I wanted I shower, but then started bleeding, we called I'm the nurse and said she could see baby's head.. Our obs came in as well, it was all very calm and quiet as i breathed and pushed my baby out.. At first glance he was perfect .. Obs said pretty sure he was a boy.. 2 eyes, 2 ears, a nose and ill never forget his mouth almost like he was smiling at us.. Having the last laugh, the cheeky little thing..2 arms hands, 10 fingers. & 10 ties all of what is a perfect baby.. The things that were out of place was that his umbilical cord was wrapped very tightly around his neck, maybe his cord was even shorter then the average length.. We wanted an ortopsie and chromosome testing... These will take months .... I am grieving in sooo many ways ... I was carrying a boy what hubby always thought it was, I feel I failed to provide a healthy living baby biy for him.. People say not to blame yourself .... But how can you NOT !!!! I'm the one that carries the child, it gets all its nutrients, blood life from me and I failed ... I know I have 2 healthy girls that need me I but I failed them as well.. A brother they will never have? Our 6yo has taken it pretty hard, our 2 yo.. Just gets sad when when we cry.. Gp has been very helpful .. Antidepressant & Valium are wonderful drugs .. It was doo hard telling/ texting people .. They are soo sad for us, but we are most sad as this is the end if the road .. After 3 full ivf cycles.. 2 M/C & 1 ectopic .... We/ I cannot to it again financials and mentally !!! People suggestions are that we can try again ... We are not part of those lucky ones that have sex & become pregnant ... I see pregnant women and new babies normally I feel angry sooo angry .. But I feel numb.. Like they aren't even there.. Is that normal ?? We had issues trying to get placenta out, he even brought in the speculum !!!! But a curette did the job in the end... We are having a closed quiet cermony fit John Robert this Friday .. I have brought many wooden toys, a new teddy & blanket for him to take... I hope the other babies welcome him with open arms .. As he will be our angel watching from above.. I could keep writing all day long.. But this is my lunch break .. And I need a Valium and need to get busy again .. ... I thought being 20wks we were on the home straight !!!! I feel life has yet shaped me in the face... Our last embroy thawed .. Grew... We got a great hgc numbers... A heart bear at 8 wks.. 10... Wks got the all clear at 12 wks then bame we crashed and hit the wall ... I know I'll get better .. time heals... but ive never had to deal with this much pain anger and hurt before ... People say its for a reason .. What am I not worthy of having 3 children or rasing a boy???? Am i not good enough?? Are we bad people?? What reason at 20wks !!!!! F@%€} them allllll
    Thanks for listening. ...

  7. #87
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    Default No heartbeat ..... 20 wks :( :( need adice

    Over the years I have read and seen a lot of stories about Mums loosing a child or a baby and I don't and will never understand how you all do it.
    I have had 3 miscarriages in the early weeks of pregnancy ...but a loss is a loss but I think that life can be and is just so so cruel at times....
    You are brave brave Women and I don't know where or how you find the strength but you do some how ....
    One day you will see your little guy on the other side.....
    Dying scares me it always has I want to see my children grow and for me to grow old and watch them the only thing that will come out of me dying when the days comes is that I will some day meet my three little Angles .....((((((hugs to you and I am so so sorry for your loss ....xoxox

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    Thinking of you at this utterly awful time

  9. #89
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    Default No heartbeat ..... 20 wks :( :( need adice

    Hi grace. I just read all about your story. I've just gone through the same thing at 26 weeks and its heartbreaking to have no answers.
    Hope you're doing as good as can be expected. It is hard to get on with life... Hard to think of anything else... But I'm trying to keep thinking time will heal everything... Eventually.

    Stay strong... Xx

  10. #90
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    Hi munchkin...
    I'm extreamly sorry to hear about your loss... It's been about 3 weeks and I'm still going through the same cycle of emotions and self blame .. I'm extreamly annoyed at the private hospital where I birthed him... As I was borderline 20 the nurses weren't sure if I was late MC or had still born !!! But my obs had always said from the moment we found out this will be a still born!!!! There was no bereavement nurse or nurse/ person to comfort me in this emotionally distressing situation !!! No guidance !!! We were given a baby bonus package but they didn't fill out the birth section !!!!!!!!!!
    We had a funeral service for him last Friday ... Yet I was still scratching my head if I needed to apply for a birth certificate ... And yes I do ... Normally the hospital wld give this to you but somehow nothing was given to me.. I only sent that form away y'day !!!! After his funeral !! I'm sooo angry at them .. My gp has put me in antidepressants .... and given me Valium for when I can't stop the thoughts going through my head !!! I have a lot of self blamt.. Self worthlessness .... I've failed my family ... As we have done 3 full ivf cycles there will be no more attempts... That's the hardest thing to overcome.. I thought I still had months to adjust to enjoy my last pregnancy .... And be of family of 5... I feel sad and envious when I see a mother with her 3 kids... Thinking that could ..... Should have been me.. I also started seeing a psychologist on Friday .. 1st session seemed to go well, was just a quick chat about to where I am in life & how much it sucks right now.. He's a male so it will be good to get a makes perspective on things.. Sorry enough whinging from me how are you coping with everything .. Did you have a funeral ... Are they doing an ortopsie ?? Did u have a bereavement nurse/ Guidance as to what to do paperwork wise, emotionally , physically, mentally ?? How are you dealing with life continuing when your heart is hurting sooooo much ??


 

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