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  1. #91
    αληθη's Avatar
    αληθη is offline BH name read as Aleethee
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    Default No heartbeat ..... 20 wks :( :( need adice

    I'm so, so sorry for you

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    No GraceC, pls don't think that you have failed your family. Those thoughts are not true. You are not worthless. Not true. Give yourself ample good time to grieve, it's very very tough on you.

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    I'm so sorry to read that you had dramas with your hospital I hope you can get it all sorted soon. My son Jaxson would have just turned 5yrs old and I still feel sad seeing mothers with 3 kids (similar ages or gender order etc) its so normal. Have you Spoken to sands at all? I really enjoyed the support groups I went to - was so good to actually talk to other couples that had been through it, no one else understands! Anyway keep us updated on how your going xx

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    Default No heartbeat ..... 20 wks :( :( need adice

    Quote Originally Posted by gracec View Post
    There was no bereavement nurse or nurse/ person to comfort me in this emotionally distressing situation !!! No guidance !!! We were given a baby bonus package but they didn't fill out the birth section !!!!!!!!!!
    We had a funeral service for him last Friday ... Yet I was still scratching my head if I needed to apply for a birth certificate ... And yes I do ... Normally the hospital wld give this to you but somehow nothing was given to me.. I only sent that form away y'day !!!! After his funeral !! I'm sooo angry at them .. My gp has put me in antidepressants .... and given me Valium for when I can't stop the thoughts going through my head !!! I have a lot of self blamt.. Self worthlessness .... I've failed my family ... As we have done 3 full ivf cycles there will be no more attempts... That's the hardest thing to overcome.. I thought I still had months to adjust to enjoy my last pregnancy .... And be of family of 5... I feel sad and envious when I see a mother with her 3 kids... Thinking that could ..... Should have been me.. I also started seeing a psychologist on Friday .. 1st session seemed to go well, was just a quick chat about to where I am in life & how much it sucks right now.. He's a male so it will be good to get a makes perspective on things.. Sorry enough whinging from me how are you coping with everything .. Did you have a funeral ... Are they doing an ortopsie ?? Did u have a bereavement nurse/ Guidance as to what to do paperwork wise, emotionally , physically, mentally ?? How are you dealing with life continuing when your heart is hurting sooooo much ??
    Hi Grace.

    Don't blame yourself. Life takes its own twists and turns that we don't necessarily have any control over. It's not always fair but sometimes it's out of our control...

    I'm sorry that you didn't have much support in hospital. But here and amongst your family, we're here if you need to talk...I don't mean to 'brag' but to answer your questions, the midwives at our private hospital were fantastic. I couldn't have asked for anything better. They were extremely supportive and helpful and even after the fact they've been there to help. (I've been on the phone and had to pop back in for a prescription and I think next week I'll contact them again to find out about their counseling options as I've now decided that I think I want to speak with a counsellor). They have said that if I ever need anything to be in contact. I just hope that the 3 that I had looking after me during my stay are still there when we decide to try again... One of them is close to retiring age so I can only hope!

    We have also been given that baby bonus form to fill out. They gave that to us when we asked about a birth certificate... We haven't been up to looking at it though as yet... Is the birth certificate application/form part of that or did they miss that out with us too? I do know that my ob filled in his part though. They pointed that out...

    Skye would have been our first... We were so excited. My husband would sit there talking to my belly and shining light to try and get her moving but he was still yet to feel her bounce around. For that I really feel for him, I don't think he really got to bond with her because of that. Don't get me wrong, he's definitely mourning her now but I feel it's different between us both. He's been absolutely amazing though. I couldn't imagine life without our little girl, or him.

    We considered a funeral but decided we just wanted to get Skye cremated... We didn't realise until I was in hospital that we had the option of a funeral... And because if that I don't think we wanted one. At least this way we don't have a time limit and we can do what we want with her ashes. And when we want... She's being returned to us in a little teddy bear tin.

    Oh and yes, they are doing an autopsy. Because we don't have any explanation as yet we wanted one and the umbilical cord and placenta are also going for examination too. If it gives us more of a chance to get some answers, then I want it. We do want to try again in the future so we need as much of an opportunity to try and prevent what went wrong this time!

    You say this is your third and final time for trying IVF. Forgive me, I haven't had much exposure to the process and the facts. Is it your final time as you 'cant' do it again or that you don't want to put yourself through it again?

    How old are your other children?

    This has gotten slightly long. Sorry! And sorry if my questions are out of line!

    Kylie
    X

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    Hi ... Sorry it's taken a while to reply.. I've just been in that terrible cycle of self blame, self pity why me!!! You seem so calm about the twists and turns that life suddenly does to people ( sorry I hope I havnt offened) I just have a LOT of underlying issues of the hurdles we crossed to get pregnant through ivf itself then .. We decided that after our 2nd full cycle that we would only attempt it once more ... The $6000 plus non gaurentee to attempt to have a baby in arms .. Yes you do get some money back but you also need to pay it upfront .. The drugs.. Needles.. Appointments.. The recovery.. The antipasti on of each step along the way... I got into a really BAD head space after our 2nd cycle .. Got extreamly sick from the procedure & spent 15 days in hospital & 3 months to 90% recovery .. Yes I was pregnant in the early days of it only to have a mc at 11wks.. Then after a frozen cycle we mc again at 8 wks!!! I was doing also doing acupuncture cause I thought it wld help ...I don't blame the acupuncture for my m/c but I thought it was going to help.. Sorry about my looooooong whah whah story. .
    So I feel that the choice to try again has been taken away from me. My girls are 6 & 2... I once was desperate... I just thought after allll our issues to get our 2 girls that life/this pregnancy was going to be nice/simple/easy !!!! I was absolutely WRONG about that !!!!

    That's soooo cute and precious of what your husband wld try n do.. Him watching your body change would be very memorable ..he bonded with the baby through your future dreams and hopes.. i know that's not enough. Nothing is ever enough!!!! I think situations test the relationship.. But we go through our days were I'm just soo emotional, I think as the man he grieves differently and stays strong for all of us .. Did you take any belly shots ... I never did .
    That's soooo great of your hospital .. That's part of my anger/ emotional issue as well... The lack of guidance/ support/confusion if I was a late mc or stillborn. Yes the hospital shld have given you birth registration paper or you can download them from births,deaths marriages.
    I mourn for the loss of our baby .. The loss of extending our family.. The loss of being a family of 5 ... Our mourning is very similar ... No baby could ever replace the ones that we have already given birth to. It annoys me when people say you can always try again ... Situations are different and after these experiences our emotions and mental status will never be the same .. Sooooo sorry for rambling .. It's taken me over a week to actually finish this reply.. Concentrating hasn't been my best ability at the moment .. I think this will yet be another sad Xmas ... We shld be happy fat pregnant women complaining of the heat.. I will never experience that again .. Ohhhh think I'll be seeing my psych looooooong into 2013 !!!!!

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    Hey grace I've read your diary and just wanted to say my heart breaks for you and your bubba. I hope you can find hugs in your hubby and daughters arms.

    Xxx

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    Hi VicPark...
    Many Thanks for thinking of me .. .. And another big thanks for reading my about losing my baby .. Then my crazy journal !!! Don't know if its as I'm coming very close to my due date that my mind is going into overtime ..

    Can I ask you a question.. i see your a senior memberI was wondering if I cld add my posts in the "preg loss support " or can I just cut & past my entries into my journal .. That way if people ready crazy journal they can read the full story and get a better idea of me.. But funny thing is to meet me irl you never know my crazy mind...

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    Well.... Finally we are getting to bury my baby's ashes....on the 16th March, after giving birth on the 2nd November 2012.. My due date was 17th march .. sooooooo glad we wee will have a final resting place for my baby ... We already had a very simple service back last year when it happened.. We played some songs. And had the preist from my daughter school say a few words and a pray ... But now that we get to bury the ashes at the crematorium ... What shall we do ... The lady that we've been dealing with through the cemetery will say genertic poem..we get to carry the ashes down .. We then get to place some rose petals over the urn .. Then we can all put the dirt over .. But is that enough ??? My older daughter is doing some more drawing which we'll put on a sandwhich bag over the urn .. But what else if anything ??? Ideas ???

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    Hi Grace,
    I'm only a senior member because I have a big mouth (a lot to say), not because Im technically savvy with how the threads work

    I'm thinking you could copy and paste your posts from this section into your journal. Perhaps there is some way the moderators can merge this thread with your journal. I'll report your post to the mods (just to get their attention, not because you've done anything wrong. Hopefully they can better advise you).

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    Quote Originally Posted by gracec View Post
    Well.... Finally we are getting to bury my baby's ashes....on the 16th March, after giving birth on the 2nd November 2012.. My due date was 17th march .. sooooooo glad we wee will have a final resting place for my baby ... We already had a very simple service back last year when it happened.. We played some songs. And had the preist from my daughter school say a few words and a pray ... But now that we get to bury the ashes at the crematorium ... What shall we do ... The lady that we've been dealing with through the cemetery will say genertic poem..we get to carry the ashes down .. We then get to place some rose petals over the urn .. Then we can all put the dirt over .. But is that enough ??? My older daughter is doing some more drawing which we'll put on a sandwhich bag over the urn .. But what else if anything ??? Ideas ???
    Could you write a personal letter to bub expressing your love and put it in the sandwich bag with your daughters picture? That way bub will always feel the love from parents and sibling


 

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