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  1. #1
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    Default how to choose between 2 people to marry and have children with.

    has anyone ever had to make a choice between marrying and having children with either or 2 different partners and having to weight up the pros and cons of each, or being in limbo as the dillemma is too great.

    did you live to regret?

    what sort of things made it clear for you?

    someone close to me has this dillema
    and i've suggested some things to consider eg


    joyful to be around
    interesting wise fun practical
    easiest to live with
    best around kids
    common goals eg how many kids will they work and have kids can they save for a house with you or will they have different financial goals
    can cope with working and raising kids and being a loving wife
    is more supportive nurturing understanding accepting
    easiest to share a life with financially, emotionally practically
    has a supportive family
    loves them appreciates them most
    is fun, practical nurturing, capable, supporitive
    flexible, tolerant, patient, easy to resolve things easilly with,
    not difficult not temperamental
    that will give most support encouragement love and freedom re all areas
    hobbies, free time, career,
    and which will be more stressful in more areas.
    that one enjoys with or with out kids and can see living with for a lifetime hopefully.
    trustworthy emotionally, financially, and in relationships,

    suggestions pls to help him solve his dillemma. he has known both for many years
    Last edited by Mod-Nomsie; 29-10-2012 at 09:58. Reason: Rules clearly state font no larger than size 2

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    Default how to choose between 2 people to marry and have children with.

    Do both people want to marry him? Is he in a relationship with either of them?? Its not only his choice. The qualities you've listed are very important, I agree. But I don't see how he can have two women to choose from or marriage- to pursue or date, yes, but marriage comes after an initial relationship, no?

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    Maybe it's an arranged marriage scenario.

    Does he know for sure that both can actually have children? Does he even know if he can? That might be a factor for him.

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    Warning I am old fashioned and fully believe the following


    If you have too choose between 2 people neither one is the right one for you.

    When you find the right one to marry and have kids with, they will stand heads and shoulders above the rest.

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    Default how to choose between 2 people to marry and have children with.

    Quote Originally Posted by anewme View Post
    Warning I am old fashioned and fully believe the following


    If you have too choose between 2 people neither one is the right one for you.

    When you find the right one to marry and have kids with, they will stand heads and shoulders above the rest.
    I agree with this

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    Default how to choose between 2 people to marry and have children with.

    Quote Originally Posted by anewme View Post
    Warning I am old fashioned and fully believe the following


    If you have too choose between 2 people neither one is the right one for you.

    When you find the right one to marry and have kids with, they will stand heads and shoulders above the rest.
    I agree with this too

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    Thats interesting and maybe the case at times, but i actually think that in this situation either of these could be really quality matches. I dont feel that in this situation none of them is right.

    ACtually you reminded me though
    i once heard a wise person say
    if you arent sure then try 3 things
    go out with each one more
    take a break and see how you feel
    go out with someone new and see how you feel


    but he knows both and has for some years. Its possible one of them is better in some ways and the other in other ways, or that it depends on what kind of lifestyle he wants to live which he should choose. Perhaps one is better but the other one he aspires to but really isnt a fit i'm unsure. At the end of the day he has to decide but i just try to give him things to consider that might help him.

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    I also agree. But as I mentioned in my PP, perhaps it's not a romantic love scenario. Not everyone in the world sees marriage in the way we do in our culture.

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    Default how to choose between 2 people to marry and have children with.

    Quote Originally Posted by sylvia1111 View Post
    Thats interesting and maybe the case at times, but i actually think that in this situation either of these could be really quality matches. I dont feel that in this situation none of them is right.

    ACtually you reminded me though
    i once heard a wise person say
    if you arent sure then try 3 things
    go out with each one more
    take a break and see how you feel
    go out with someone new and see how you feel


    but he knows both and has for some years. Its possible one of them is better in some ways and the other in other ways, or that it depends on what kind of lifestyle he wants to live which he should choose. Perhaps one is better but the other one he aspires to but really isnt a fit i'm unsure. At the end of the day he has to decide but i just try to give him things to consider that might help him.
    You haven't she'd any more light on the situation though?

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    Why the heck has the opening post got such massive font?

    Anyway when i got married i didn't need to think about it, it was just 'right'. Sounds like maybe he shouldn't marry either, otherwise the answer would be clear.


 
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