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  1. #1
    FearlessLeader's Avatar
    FearlessLeader is offline Winner 2013 - Most Memorable Thread
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    Default When friendships run their course

    I've been thinking a lot about this, lately.
    I have a 'core' of 5 really close girlfriends, DP has a similar group of guy friends (both sets of friends from school). Outside of that we've had loads of other friends over the years, depending on what we're doing at the time- from traveling, various jobs, uni, etc. We're not dramatic people and tend to hang out with similarly chilled out people, so it's extremely rare for us to actually fall out with friends. But there's only so many people you can have in your life at once, right? So what do you do when you've moved on from a friendship? Most of the time both parties drift apart, but occasionally it's awkward when someone keeps wanting to catch up, when I just don't have the time nor really the inclination. That sounds really harsh, I'm not sure how to word it nicely lol. I'm an introvert, so i don't like being with people all the time, and i have my girlfriends, as well as a few 'mummy friends', work friends, etc. And then family as well to keep in contact with.
    I guess my question is, what is I suppose the honorable way to deal friends/acquainances you don't really want to see anymore, when there's not really a reason but you've moved on?

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    Maybe just keep saying you dont have the time and Im sure they will get the hint... Evenutally lol

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    Default When friendships run their course

    Leave it further between catch ups and eventually phase the friendship out???
    It's a hard one FL. I've often wondered this myself.

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    I would just gently let them down. make an excuse why you can't catch up, say you have stuff on. They will get the hint after a while.

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    SpecialPatrolGroup is offline T-rex is cranky until she gets her coffee.
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    It's tough. I am sort of in the position of the friend you are planning on scratching. I'm not really feeling a bit p!ssy/angry that I am just being given the flick - I suspect I don't measure up to her other friends who are more attractive and more glam etc. But I think that what really annoys me is that when we have seen each other socially, she is so careful to be seen to be polite but shows no interest in me or my family. She said on seeimg me "nice to see you" but never how I was or how my DD was, and would answer my questions minimally but never returned the courtesy.

    So, what I am saying is, don't do it that way.

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    Default When friendships run their course

    I'm having a problem with a friend recently and don't really know what to do. The main thing is that she is so incredibly dramatic all the time, it is getting so tiring and not to mention annoying. I don't want to ditch her but I want to keep my distance for a while. All this stuff seems very tricky!

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    Default Re: When friendships run their course

    I know what you mean. I find it tough as my 'core' group is in another country, so I have no real close friends here yet. It's tough to build close friendships, I still find myself, like you say, growing apart from friendships and moving on. I have a friend like that at the moment who isn't getting the hint :/

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    Tough one. I don't think there is an honourable way to do it, if you flat out tell them you don't want to be friends (for no particular reason) that would feel pretty cruddy for that person yet just blowing them off with no explanation is cruddy also. So what the heck do you do? I can't think of a good answer because if I put myself in the place of the friend I would be hurt either way, maybe honesty is the best policy? Just break up with them (so to speak) be gentle but honest?

    Sorry not much help, it's a tough situation.

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    I have to add I hate the whole 'just ignore them until they get the hint' thing (I can understand it in some situations though). This has happened to me and I always wonder what I did wrong? I would have preferred the person just said 'hey look it's not anything you've done I just feel like our friendship has run it's course and I don't think we should persue it any longer' sounds stupid but I would have appreciated the honesty, even though it wouldn hurt.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: When friendships run their course

    MM that's exactly my thinking. I don't want to just fob these people off because I would hate any of them to think they'd done something wrong. They haven't. It's just I'm busy and have other priorities. But that sounds awful, I would hate someone to say that to me 'you're just not that important to me' but, for example, one of them I worked with 2 jobs ago. A group of us used to still hang out (we both left the workplace around the same time) and slowly people moved on, we just had nothing in common any more. But she's constantly trying to organise us all to get together again, but no-one is all that interested. Another I went to uni with and we hung out a fair bit while we both got into the industry, you know helping each other find our feet. But we now work in completely different areas of our profession, so again the thing that was keeping us together is now gone, so there's not much left to talk about.
    Gah, this friends thing can be harder than dating!

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