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  1. #71
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    Default Differences in 'abuse'.

    I don't intend to be mean but it sounds like you favor your daughter over your son. Could he be reacting to that? If your daughter gets belted by your son it's partially because you've not been strict enough on your daughter when she hits him.

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    No you have the wrong end of the stick. I'm reacting to the violence I am seeing, and if any of you were in the situation you'd feel the same way too. To see a 9 year old's pathetic attempt at a hit in the arm of her 13 year old brother then his reponse being that of anger and hatred and beating up on her brings upon a reaction in me not of 'favour' but of FEAR ...for her safety.

    I don't fear for his safety because I know and I've seen that she is not capable of actually hurting him whereas I know and I've seen that he has the capabities of killing my daughter.

    And if he's picking up on my fear (which I think he actually has which is why I'm seeing an improvement in his behaviour) then good! So he should be! He obviously, up till now, had no understanding of is strength and his capabilities compared to hers thereby making him believe that his response to her 'hit' equalled her 'hit'.

    Quite frankly I think he's picked up from my ex that he is above women...and that has scared the hell out of me. Thankfully though, things are improving through many many MANY discussions.

    I think he's slowly realising now that it's not the same thing when he hits on her compared to when she hits on him...due to his size, strength and capabilities.
    Last edited by Deserama; 27-10-2012 at 21:11.

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    Default Differences in 'abuse'.

    Quote Originally Posted by threechooks View Post
    Um yes they do have the upper hand if they are men. You may be able to cause some harm. But it is highly unlikely that you are stronger than a lot of men. You said yourself, you don't weight train and you are average.
    but because i know how to fight and use the strength i have the right way, it puts me at an advantage. i never said i was stronger, i just know how to use my strength. its got nothing to do with strength, but knowledge. dh is bigger and stronger, but i am able to restrain him, i am able to inflict pain towards him if ever i needed to. thats the whole point of personal defense, otherwise it would be useless?

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    Default Re: Differences in 'abuse'.

    Quote Originally Posted by Deserama View Post
    That's obviously where the differene lies. I do disagree that she deserved to be hit, because she hit first though. As I say to them ALL THE TIME...if such and such hits you...come and see me about it, don't hit them back. Because the it makes you both wrong. Whereas if you'd have come and seen me about it, such and such would have been in trouble and not you.

    Sound's simple...why kids can't get it I just never know!
    Actually i say if your cousin hits you smack him one back, but only once and NOT extreme

    What you later described is different to the original question

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    Default Differences in 'abuse'.

    i was just talking to dh about this. he is a police officer. he agrees that men generally are stronger than women, however he disagrees that that means that a woman can not cause harm to a man just because she is smaller and weaker. he himself said that strength means nothing if you dont know how to use it, and some (most?) people dont use it efficiently. an average woman is more than capable in taking down your average male, if she is taught how.
    he has plenty of coworkers who are women, smaller than me, and can take down a male bigger and stronger than they are. he has seen the damage your average female can do to a bigger and stronger male.
    everyone has the ability, its knowledge and frame of mind that puts the rest in place.
    Last edited by Jinxed; 27-10-2012 at 21:35.

  6. #76
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    I don't like to see any human being being hurt..

    Irrespective of gender.

  7. #77
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    I don't like to see any human being being hurt..

    Irrespective of gender.

  8. #78
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    I don't ever condone hitting back..so I don't agree. But anyway..

    I don't believe what I described is different to the original OP at all. The same would apply to a man/woman, wife/husband...son/daughter. MOST (not all ) males are bigger and stronger and have the capabilities to inflict more harm than a woman doing the same thing. I do believe that, and I've seen it. I think the end results of the same actions are different, as I said...daughter pushed son = no movement. Son pushes daughter = falls on floor. Balance of power/reasonable force. Which is what I've been talking about the whole time I believe.

    What I think is happening is that where we all believe that DV is wrong and that hitting is wrong and so forth, and here I'm pin pointing a grey area where suddenly we're having to think..."Well hang on...what if...." It's causing people to become aware that there are circumstances where it's not so black and white. Which is what I'm continually add odds with myself about and is what I wanted to discuss in the hopes of finding others who are also at odds with this train of thought

    (So I don't feel like such a weirdo hypocrite )

  9. #79
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jinxed View Post
    i was just talking to dh about this. he is a police officer. he agrees that men generally are stronger than women, however he disagrees that that means that a woman can not cause harm to a man just because she is smaller and weaker. he himself said that strength means nothing if you dont know how to use it, and some (most?) people dont use it efficiently. an average woman is more than capable in taking down your average male, if she is taught how.
    he has plenty of coworkers who are women, smaller than me, and can take down a male bigger and stronger than they are. he has seen the damage your average female can do to a bigger and stronger male.
    everyone has the ability, its knowledge and frame of mind that puts the rest in place.
    Average women aren't taught how...I'm talking about average women. Like me, who don't have strength size or CAPABILITIES to inflict the same amount of harm as your average male.

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    I look at intent. What is the intention of each child? It sounds like to me your son is using his strength to overpower and keep his little sister 'in her place'. He is not trying to even the playing field, he's trying to dominate it. The intent of your daughter sounds like 'hey you may be older but i'm here and I want to be even'.

    Neither should be hitting each other but your punishment should not be seen to be different to either of them. I would be talking to your son about his intentions/respect for others rather than talking to him about him being stronger- it may just reinforce his belief about his strength and how it is to be used. If you have a positive male role model around it may be good for them to also back up what you say in a different discussion about healthy relationships and respect for women.


 
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