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  1. #61
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    Why does your daughter continue to hit your son even though she knows he's going to hit her back?

    Both of them need to cut the crap and stop hitting anyone. Sorry, thats probably oversimplifying it, but there it is.

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  3. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlissedOut View Post
    I don't agree with hitting as a consequence, or with siblings dishing out consequences.

    It's one of my exemptions from my natural consequences ideals, but she IS learning she shouldn't hit people or they might bash her. I don't think that should be a lesson learnt like this though.
    No it shouldn't HENCE why I'm harsher on my son. It's never ok...but it IS what's happening. She IS being beaten...she HAS been punished. It is what it is...right or wrong...it is what it is.

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    Quote Originally Posted by WineTime View Post
    Why does your daughter continue to hit your son even though she knows he's going to hit her back?

    Both of them need to cut the crap and stop hitting anyone. Sorry, thats probably oversimplifying it, but there it is.
    Because she's 9! And yes they need to cut the crap...and yes it is oversimplifying

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    Default Re: Differences in 'abuse'.

    Quote Originally Posted by Deserama View Post
    Er noooooo That's not what I'm teaching but you need to understand the scenario here. He's called her a fat retard or something, so her initial reaction is to say "Shut up Rhys!" Then walk up and hit him in the arm!

    Then his automatic response, with all his strength and testosterone is to stand over her while she cowers in the corner and beat into her, swearing and calling her names. Once he pushed her so hard, that she was slammed into my bogan coffee table and hit her head...she was ok but she was also beside herself with FEAR. Do you understand. And yet I'm expected to punish her the same as my son? The balance is wrong. Therefore I think the punishment should be different. Like when you put kids on timeout a 3 year old would be on time out for 3 minutes and a 4 year old for 4 minutes etc...

    It was that moment that I realised that he could have KILLED HER! Do you understand. Yes she hit him, but that would not have actually dont much to him...but he pushed her into a coffee table and could have KILLED HER. The balance of power is that he is bigger and stronger and more capable than she is. And yes whoever said that a 14 year old is stronger than a 25 year old...I'm telling you now very soon I won't be able to restain him anymore! I simply won't be able to have the strength to stop my son from killing my daughter, because she hit him first!

    (Things are getting better around here BTW but I had to call the big guns...,his father and his step father...so I think he's starting to mature and to understand the enormity of what he was doing. At the same token my 9 year old seems to lash out less too...funnily enough)
    I think you can‘t really give us a general over view of a scenario and then expect us to give you a fair response, then get angry when we be fair to our own nature.

    I actually think your boy might need councilling or anger managemet or something. Thats incrediby startling and a gross over reaction even for a testerone fuelled thirteen year old boy.

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  7. #65
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deserama View Post
    Yes but she's already been beaten (he wasn't beaten by her...just hit)...hence she's already had her consequence AND SOME. Do you understand?
    I understand!! I don't agree. Hitting back is not okay, neither is hitting in the first place. If she is continuing to hit her brother then the consequence of him retaliating is not enough to stop her hitting in the first place. Two wrongs don't make a right, they both need to change their behaviour.

    If they are both doing Martial Arts, have you talked to their teacher about this? One thing that was drilled into mine was not using violence ever, only blocking enough to get away.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kirby star View Post
    If your 13 year old turned around and smacked her ONCE back as a do not hit me response yes the other child deserved it, there is a major difference between hitting ONCE back as retaliation and 'laying into' someone, if i hit my.dp and he slapped me back i deserve it, if i hit.my.dp and he punched the **** out of me while.i was laying on the ground NO i did not deserve that

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    That's obviously where the differene lies. I do disagree that she deserved to be hit, because she hit first though. As I say to them ALL THE TIME...if such and such hits you...come and see me about it, don't hit them back. Because the it makes you both wrong. Whereas if you'd have come and seen me about it, such and such would have been in trouble and not you.

    Sound's simple...why kids can't get it I just never know!

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    threechooks is offline If my spelling annoys you that's your problem.... I have better things to do than proofread !
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jinxed View Post
    just because i am a woman does not make my dh stronger than me. he has told me that i am stronger than some of the men he has come across, and he has had to physically restrain a lot of people. men dont have the upper hand just because they are men, likewise woman arent at a disadvantage just because they are women. i can cause harm to dh, i have the ability.
    eta. i am a lot smaller than dh, half his weight, a head shorter, and obviously a lot smaller build.
    Um yes they do have the upper hand if they are men. You may be able to cause some harm. But it is highly unlikely that you are stronger than a lot of men. You said yourself, you don't weight train and you are average.
    Last edited by threechooks; 27-10-2012 at 20:20.

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    Default Re: Differences in 'abuse'.

    Also, hugs for you Des. That must be a very frustrating situation to be in.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    I think you can‘t really give us a general over view of a scenario and then expect us to give you a fair response, then get angry when we be fair to our own nature.

    I actually think your boy might need councilling or anger managemet or something. Thats incrediby startling and a gross over reaction even for a testerone fuelled thirteen year old boy.

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    I'm not getting angry. The general overview is the same...if a woman was to hit a man and he turned around and starting laying into her... Same.

    Someone said that if my 9 year old had hit him and he just hit her back (without laying into her) then that she derserved it. I disagree with that, neither should be hitting but you most certainly don't hit back, no one deserves to be hit, unless it IS actually in self defence.

    It has actually happened where she pushed him...then he pushed her back...only when she pushed him , he didn't move (being as how he's bigger and stronger) and when he pushed her back, she fell to the floor...balance of power different....thereby creating different results.

    Having said that, her pathetic 'hits' are different from hers, which takes us back to our original discussion....reasonable force.

    Martial Arts - I don't know the teacher their father takes them . But from my understanding they aren't to engage in MARTIAL ARTS MOVES unless in defence...nothing is said about general hitting etc

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    Also, hugs for you Des. That must be a very frustrating situation to be in.

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    Thankyou....it is getting better though...Thank goodness! I think we're finally come to the bottom of it. The other post did remind me of the discrepency in my mind though, which is why I brought it up


 
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