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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jinxed View Post
    just because i am a woman does not make my dh stronger than me. he has told me that i am stronger than some of the men he has come across, and he has had to physically restrain a lot of people. men dont have the upper hand just because they are men, likewise woman arent at a disadvantage just because they are women. i can cause harm to dh, i have the ability.
    eta. i am a lot smaller than dh, half his weight, a head shorter, and obviously a lot smaller build.

    (Yes I do know that some men are very small and weak and some women are large and butch. But I'm more talking general where the man is of average size and strength and capabilities (and more) and the woman is of average size, strength and capabilities (and less). Besides which I have met some pretty weedy men in my life and they have all still been stronger and more capable than I am so believe that it would be very very rare for a man to be that much weaker than a women....possible but rare. I'm speaking more general here, for the sake of argument)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    Perhaps with this, take into Consideration the mental implications this would have for a male. Theyre not allowed to fight back, if they restrain and she struggles then he can accidentally break her arm\dislocate a shoulders blade, then what??
    Then I would say that it was an accident? Self defence? He wasn't attacking her, he was trying to stop her from hitting him.

    Basically the mentality that they‘re bigger and stronger so ‘‘tough titties‘‘ is a perpetration to domestic violence. Very few men are listened to when they say they‘ve been physically abused, they get laughed at or ridiculed. So.... What do they do?
    I don't know but I do know that if they were to hit back they would do more damage (physically...the emotional damage of both is immeasurable I can't even begin on that one ).

  3. #23
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    Default Differences in 'abuse'.

    i also am speaking generally here. im no stronger than your average woman (meaning i don't do any weight training or anything), dh is strong but on a more average level (again no weight or strength training), nothing exceptional.

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    Default Re: Differences in 'abuse'.

    Quote Originally Posted by Deserama View Post
    Then I would say that it was an accident? Self defence? He wasn't attacking her, he was trying to stop her from hitting him.



    I don't know but I do know that if they were to hit back they would do more damage (physically...the emotional damage of both is immeasurable I can't even begin on that one ).
    Then you have women like me who are raised, taught and had it thoroughly drummed into my head because im do small, always use an equaliser.



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    Quote Originally Posted by Deserama View Post
    So even if the male is a big Samoan guy who's lifts weights at the gym and the female is he size of a 12 year old with the fists the size of manderines?? You wouldn't feel for the woman if he turned on her when he had the size and he capabilities to STOP her from hurting him?

    The reason I ask is because if a man was to hit on a woman, very few women would have the physical capabilities to stop the man from doing so. But if the woman was to hit on the man...the men almost always has the physical capabilities to stop the woman without the need for violence. So if a man resorts to hitting the woman back...DESPITE knowing that he has the capabilities to restrain and stop the woman from hitting and he failed to do so, instead resorted to violence...then wouldn't you think the balance is wrong here (reasonable force).

    I wonder what the law says about this....like in the courts would this be a defence? Where are all the lawyers?? LOL
    Just out of curiousity then.. how do you feel about a woman who has been abused for YEARS by her husband and then turns around and eventually murders him? I would guess you would have no empathy for her? Lock her up and throw away the key? A guy can only put up with so much. It would still hurt them to be punched and kicked all the time no matter how big or macho they are.

    Abuse is abuse and should be treated as such. Verbal/emotional abuse can be just as bad and sometimes worse then physical abuse. Men are so unprotected. You see all these ads "violence against women.. Australia says No" but what about violence against men? I believe that society teaches that women can treat men like crap but if it's the other way around OMG shoot the man (who I believe should be shot but I also believe any abuser should be).

    Men are so much more trapped then women are if they are in abusive relationships because they can't get help from anyone. They can't talk to their friends because imagine the teasing/bullying he'd receive?

    What about rape? Do you believe it is worse for a woman to be raped by a man or a man to be raped by a woman? Is it okay for a woman to rape a man?

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    Well it's only me and one other member who feels this way so far...gee I feel very alone on this island here Bahaahaaaa!

    All I know is, that when my 9 year old hits on my 13 year old, I discipline her and tell her AGAIN how it's wrong blah blah blah..but when I see my 13 year old son, who has just had a major growth spurt and who has testosterone raging through him...hit on my 9 year old...I see red! It's an involuntary response that goes against what I know about DV and how it's equally as wrong but my initial gut response is quite the opposite. So I'm glad I get this opportunity to explore this with you fine people

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    Quote Originally Posted by Deserama View Post
    I'm glad you can see what I'm saying. Because I'm not saying DV is only wrong when the man does it...God no! But I think the balance is wrong when man who is stronger and has the capabilities to do more damage hits back. Yes I do agree it could trigger the fight response and it could be catastrophic...if he was to seriously damage her or even kill her because of this response...then would HE be wrong? Do you know what I mean?
    I guess my stance would be she shouldn't hit him to begin with. But if my son was having DV perpetrated on him I would tell him to pack his stuff and dump her abusive butt, rather than retaliate.

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    I think suggesting a man should show more restraint because he's bigger and stronger is a very dangerous direction to go in and agree with a PP about it aiding the issues men who are victims of DV already have.

    If he assaults her to stop her assaulting him, then leaves it once he's safe, then it falls under the category of self-defence for me (and the law I hope).

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  11. #29
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    Default Re: Differences in 'abuse'.

    Renesme explained it better than I was. But that‘si kind of what I was trying to get out.

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    Default Re: Differences in 'abuse'.

    Quote Originally Posted by Deserama View Post
    I wonder what the law says about this....like in the courts would this be a defence? Where are all the lawyers?? LOL
    As long as the lad doesn't use undue force the law sees it as okay,
    It's like if a bloke breaks into your house and starts hitting you with his hands.you cant take to him til.he is severely hurt with a baseball bat (if you shoot an intruder in your home you can be done for using excessive force if the other party does not.have a.gun)

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